Keeping a horse and expanding your family?

[jinglebells123]

I have recently bought a lovely new horse - great nature, lives on fresh air, super safe to ride. My intention is mostly to hack with the odd potter in the arena during the winter.

I work full time and have a 3 year old toddler. When my dd was 18 months, I sold my last horse who I'd owned for years and who also had a great nature, was super safe etc. I struggled with mummy guilt when I went back to work and felt that I didn't deserve any time to myself and if I wasn't working, I should be spending time with dd.

I managed to find him a fantastic new home and effectively gave up horses for a whole year until a friend invited me to ride her horse once a week. From then, it was a slippery slope to buying my own again. I specifically bought something that dd could ride and she loves coming to the yard to muck out, groom and potter in the arena.

However, time is a ticking if I want to have another child (I'm still not 100% convinced I do!). I'm so worried that if I do have another I'll go back to that horrible situation and have to sell my horse again.

I'm lucky to have fab fully livery in the winter although it's grass livery in the summer and my horse needs to come in off the grass although thankfully my Y/O will offer services if she's around whichis most of the time but it is harder in summer.

Is it really possible to have another baby and keep my horse? Obviously, there would be a period where I wouldn't be riding (I rode until 6 months last time and was back on 10 days after giving birth). Followed by a period where I wasn't riding much although I only ride 3 times a week now - possibly 4 on a good week. Thankfully, new horse is young (7) and is the type you can leave in a field for a month then just pop back on again.

Please reassure me of your stories where you have multiple young children and still manage - and just how difficult is it?

I think how easy it is to “manage” horses and children depends on the following:

1. Whatchikd care arrangements you have, hopefully partner/grandcoarents happy to look after your DCs whilst you ride.
2. What you do with your horse, endurance riders and three day event will need to be more committed to pounding the ground every day than happy hackers.
3. Your horse: some couldn’t care less if they’re not riden for days on end others need regular riding.
4. Where you keep your horse: at home or 50 mins up the road, facilities, flood lite manages/indoor schools are invaluable enabling you to ride when you’re DS’s are in bed. If on livery the help you YO will give especially at short notice, e.g. you suddenly discover you can’t be there for the farrier how much they’ll charge and how good the service is they offer, do they actually put the right rugs on and add that supplement that you researched so carefully?
5. You as a person you may have to accept some corner cutting e.g you might not be able to clean your tack every day or groom your horse every day. Fanatical mucker outers may struggle. Look at quicker approaches haylage over wet hay, really good rubber mats so less bedding, synthetic bridles, buying feeds on line or getting them delivered rather than going to the feed merchant in person etc etc.

It is doable but it is obviously much much harder that when your child free or your children are grown up. Good luck.

Keep the horse and don't have another child!

I started horses again when DD was 18m after years away. I was desperately looking for something I was passionate about and to get myself back after the shock of becoming a mum which wasn't something that came entirely naturally to me.

I loaned and then bought. Took DD with me when I had to or left her with DH and my mum helped one day a week. It wasn't easy - buggy, muddy hilly fields, the cold. I did everything myself apart from one yard where I got help the days I worked.

I don't want more kids and I'm probably not representative as my horse would be sold when hell freezes over but I know DH has stepped up to help out and my family know without the horses I am not sane the best version of myself! So we manage.

I know plenty of people who combine riding/horses with young DCs, some of them at a very high level competitively, but I also know plenty of people who've had to take a step back, put horse out on loan or sell with a view to having a few years off while the DC are very small and dependant. Others keep their riding ticking over with lessons or a share but couldn't commit to having their own.

The common denominators for those who have kept riding competitively/having their own seem to be much as Retraining says,

-Very supportive DH and local family, prepared to do a lot of childcare, esp evenings and weekends
-Lots of money, to fund having horse on full livery or ad hoc support from a groom (also to fund the lorry, lessons, show entry fees, vets bills etc etc!)
-Being a SAHM, or very part-time/flexible/local work that fits around the horses as much as the DC
-A real drive/competitive streak and or absolute passion for the horses that sees them through the cold winters and early starts
-Being the type of parent happy to leave child in buggy sleeping or with a screen whilst you muck out/school. Having the type of DC that will put up with the same and can be trained to behave safely around the horses once mobile!

Even people that tick all those boxes do find it difficult balancing everything (and I think tend to have some guilt issues re either spending too much time/not enough time with the horses/DC -delete as applicable!) and there's no shame in it if you're not that type of person and do need to take a short break from being fully responsible for your own. That being said it is perfectly do-able with the right set-up and back-up and you shouldn't feel bad about having a hobby as a mum, horses keep you healthy, happy and sane so why not!