What to do.

[Frouby]

Am in a quandry.

Have 2 ponies. Have been on the same livery yard for 10 years. YO is my best friend. Pay not a lot of money for basic full livery. Which is brilliant as I trusted YO and meant I didn't have to go twice a day in all weathers.

Been 1 or 2 issues over the last 12 months. YOs personal life and issues drifting down to yard. Yard is gradually slipping into a state. Fencing is a big issue. One of mine and 1 of YOs are escape artists. But to be fair the fencing doesnt take much escaping from. Have bought about £400 of electric fencing, energisers, batteries etc over last year but YO not maintaining fence or ensuring electric fence is always on.

Yard is also about 9 miles away now as we moved a few years ago but left ponies there. Which does impact on the amount of times I go up. Takes between 20 to 30 minutes which can mean an hour just travelling just to get to them.

Plus points are yard is very relaxed. Only another couple of liveries. We have a sandschool but virtually no off road hacking.

Went to buy some chickens yesterday from a farm 4 miles away and they do DIY livery. Cost would be nearly half what I am currently paying but would have to go twice a day and buy hay/straw over winter.

The actual stables are fantastic. 16 x 16 boxes in a huge, airy barn. Currently 6 stables with only 2 occupied. Toilet, tackroom and unlimted space to store stuff.

The grazing I could see is meadowgrass and made my feet hurt just looking at it but I could supply my own electric fence and strip graze if I wanted. Little paddock with a field shelter and I think he said current horses live out over winter and use the shelter when necessary which would suit me as I like mine out until January. The farm backs onto the trans penine trail and there is miles of off road hacking.

Down the track from the farm is a big fancy equestrian centre that holds events all year around and you can hire the school for lessons etc and lots of clinics and stuff. Farm doesn't have a school so wouldn't be able to lunge and couldn't see any flat paddocks I could use either. But with equestrian centre down road the lack f school would be an inconvenience rather than a game changer. And I prefer longreining anyway.

Atm am just on with breaking baby pony in so a school pretty useful. But once she is broken in I would have nowhere to ride unless I tackle the roads around us. Which lead to more roads. Which are quite busy roads.

I have 2 dcs (14 and 4) and have never let them ride on the roads near us. We used to be able to walk about 10 minutes and get to a big playing fields/council field but that is closed off to riders now.

I haven't been happy with current yard for a while now. YO is very knowledgeable and apart from the fence issue my ponies are well cared for. But she now works in care and does strange shifts which means some days she is away from the yard for 12 hours. The other liveries keep an eye out but wouldn't have the knowledge to deal with anything major. They would spot something crippled (I hope!) but not a colic or something like mild lami.

If I did move them I would finish breaking baby pony in first.

Going twice a day is a big consideration but doable. I work from home so can fit it in and new yard is 9 minutes away so not a massive amount of travel. In extreme weather like snow or ice the farmer says he would see to them and apparently the other lady that keeps hers there lives a few minutes walk away so can always get so someone would do the basics at least.

I would love to do them myself. Ds is 4 now and starts proper school in September so could drop him off then do the bulk of the work while he is at school. Then pick him up and do whatever else needs doing at teatime. Dd is 14 so old enough to help out. And if the weather was vile in school holidays and he didnt want to come dd is old enough to watch him at home for half an hour. But he loves being outside and is very keen (so far) on ponies.

Best friend will fall out with me if I move. I do love her but her life is a bit of a mess and unfortunately it is all her own fault and has been an ongoing issue for 3 years (he on/off partner is a drug addict) and I can't see things changing. Our lives are very different now. Her personal life is her business but it has impacted on the yard in various ways so it does become an issue.

Really don't know what to do.

I’d be moving, the new yard sounds lovely and I couldn’t cope with poor hacking.

I know Brian. That is the biggest consideration. Baby pony is 5 this time and really ought to be doing something. But haven't rushed because I am not a fan of boring their arses off in the school. She is a big, strong mare. Very sweet and calm but the thought of trying to traffic proof her around the yard really doesn't appeal. It's at the back of a housing estate that leads doen to quite a busy village. The roads immediately behind the yard are pretty busy. It's all 30mph but we get buses, boy racers, idiots on off road bikes and school run traffic all on the road leading away from the yard.

We used to have plenty of places to hack to, a woods, big council fields, a decent farm track, a 45 min hack to open countryside etc but a lot of it has been barriered off to prevent motorbikes and the rest of the rides involve roads that are too busy for riding on safely now.

I am 40 now. I have no interest in competing under saddle. I like to have the odd lesson but mainly want to be a happy hacker. Pony is a highland and bought for that reason.

Other pony is a welsh pony that dd grew out of and we have kept him for ds. Ds is a typical boy and while his sister was happy tootling around the school and doing a bit of stressage I can't see him being the same. He will be wanting to be off exploring.

And dd has lost her mojo a bit. But would probably quite happily hack out with no pressure to be perfect.

I grew up hacking out and just want my kids to be able to have the same sort of experiences as me.

It would just be a massive lifestyle change. And even after 20 years+ of horse ownership moving from a yard to a farm with minimal onsite input is slightly daunting. And I would class myself as an experienced, knowledgeable owner.

Am going to see how the chickens fit in with our lives. It sounds daft but doing them once a day and seeing how much of a hassle that is will help I think. Haven't been diy for about 10 years!

I would move. Hacking sounds amazing. You can have the ponies out 24/7 which means less work.

As for breaking the Highland, surely you just hop on and go out for a nice long hack at your new yard 😉 (I have highlands, they are a wonderful breed).

I say move. If you read back what you have written it's all positive about the prospective Yardley d and negative about the current one. If she falls out with you over you putting your horses and kids needs first she's not much to f a friend tbh

You had me at the hacking! I’d move too.

Your challenge is how to do it and not burn bridges so that you can go back to your old yard if you need to.

Definitely move, you have to do what's best for you not your friend. New pace sound fab

*place

Pretty unanimous then.

I know I need to move. Am not spending half as much time as I would like with them. It's too easy because they are full livery for them to fall down the order of priorities.

I am going to get baby pony backed and ridden away commiting to go up 6 days a week, and working her will go some way to replicating the time commitment. And travelling once to current yard will show me how much fuel will cost for 2 times at new yard. Then I can work out the financial saving too.

Conservativeuterus in my younger, bouncier days I would have been on by now. Would have jumped after lunging and just declares her backed and done with. However at 40, having not ridden for 15 years I am trying to avoid any upsets.

But I do think sometimes that although the groundwork is important just getting on and following someone else is easier than trying to do it in the school.

I suppose I could walk her out in hand, then ling rein in tack then get DH to lead me out on her. She is very calm and willing.

And ds would absolutely love hacking out with me.

You could plausibly blame the hacking for your move - it's an honest reason, totally understandable (I'd move!) and not something that is under your friend's control - hence, you aren't criticising her. Although perhaps you moving will be a wake-up call for her if her personal life is causing her standards to fall. But you're under no obligation to be the one who raises that issue.

I’d move as well and tell your friend all the positive reasons in your above post for the New place and leave out anything negative about her yard. I’ve never known an on-site yard owner not do what they can in exceptionally bad weather, although I am in the south where the weather is rarely bad and not for more than a couple of days.

Do you really think your friendship with your friend is still that of being best friends or so you think you have drifted apart anyway?

We have definetly drifted apart.

I got married last month and was pretty hurt by her involvement. Or lack of. We rarely see each other. And when I do see her she constantly moans about her.problems. Never asks after me or mine. And she is pretty selfish.

Tbh, if it wasn't for the ponies I would have very little to do with her. But as a pp said I don't want to burn bridges. But expect she will burn them anyway. I moved my pony about 8 years ago for rehab livery and she really took it personally.

But once I am gone I am gone. Have to give a months notice but if she is an arsehole will just leave early.

Have had a good chat with dh and dd this afternoon. Dh is all for it because it is cheaper. Dd who I thought would be reluctant is actually really excited. One of her school friends liveries at the equestrian centre so she could ride down and meet her for hacking.