AIBU to say a flat NO to my DD loaning a horse?

[FiveHoursSleep]

We live in outer NW London and my 15 year old used to have riding lessons but the cheaper riding stables nearby have closed down and now we have to travel 30 minutes and pay almost £50 for a lesson.
We just can't afford the time it takes or the money involved.
She says she really wants to ride again but she's now Y10 and I want her to concentrate on school, not horses. I'm happy to pay for her to go for a hack during the holidays but we have three other children and they all have 2-4 activities a week each, plus school.
Now she's got a few jobs after school earning about £30-50 a week and she's asking if she can take on a loan horse.
I'm really not keen as I know that I'll end up having to do some of the care myself and I'm fine around horses but don't love them. They seem a huge commitment.
Plus we have lots of different pets( dogs, cats, rats, hamster, birds and snake) and she's not that great at making sure hers are fed and watered and cleaned out unless I nag her.
She's an intermediate level rider- steady at a canter but not done much jumping and she's not going to do anything with horses as a job as she knows she won't earn enough.
AIBU to refuse outright, or should I be trying to accommodate her? She is usually pretty well behaved and can be helpful when she's inclined ie she's a typical teenager.
But I feel she's quite stretched with regards to activities anyhow and a horse loan might tip us all over the edge!

My horse on DIY livery and with everything provided, ie feed, bedding, farrier etc and all work done by myself costs me in the region of £400 PER MONTH!
Who will be paying for DD's horse?

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

A 'loan' horse isn't cheap! I found out the hard way.

Check the costs of:

Feed
Hay
Straw/bedding
Shoes
Tack
Vet
Insurance
Stabling
Rugs
Trips to buy feed/straw etc
(Extra lessons?)

Plus all the time needed to prepare nets/feeds, bring in/turn out, muck out, ride/exercise etc etc Before school/after school? With siblings etc?

And if you, or any of your other children are ill, and unable to get there, who will look after the horse then?

It may be fun, but it's not easy, and it's not cheap.

Emma - if you can bring a horse in from the field, take its rug off, groom it, fully muck out a stable, make up hay nets, make feeds, clean out and refill a water bucket and sweep down the concrete all in twenty minutes you can come and do services on my yard please!!!

Many years ago when I was expecting DS1 and for a while afterwards a lovely, very confident girl ( she wanted to be a helicopter pilot) aged about 15 used to exercise my then highland pony who was getting badly behaved through lack of exercise. She wasn't that experienced but went out with DH to begin with on his new forest ( we had a native pony thing in those days) and did me an enormous favour, she certainly didn't pay me anything - I did wonder if I should be paying her. By the time I was back in the saddle he had lost his truculent ways and was much fitter - he had even learned to jump! So long as she is confident and the horse is good natured offering to exercise a horse or pony who is temporarily without a rider might be an idea. I was so grateful I even had him all groomed and tacked up for her ready to go.

Can you ask at the riding school if they do and sort of loan? My 6 year old does this, we pay £35 a week and my daughter just goes down at the weekend and mucks out etc and rides. We don't have time in the week so the riding school just do it then and she goes most days in the school holidays. She feels like she's got a pony but we don't have any of the responsibility. It's a tiny yard and really flexible. Riding school ponies are usually pretty safe plus she can still have lesson, it works for us.

I'm 16 and doing my gcses this year, I have a part loan 4 or 5 days a week. We pay £40 a week (she's at a really smart yard) and I pay £20 of that. The yard is only 5 mins away and I can cycle there if it's light enough. I think you should help her to find a loan/share, I really don't think riding schools are a good alternative to having your own horse (I've always hated riding schools) and I find it is a really good motivation to revise - if I know I need to get her in and muck out at 5 I'll make sure all my schoolwork is done before then. If I had no responsibility of a horse then I'd just procrastinate thinking I've got ages until my work's due in and end up not doing it!

That sounds ideal, but I don't think we are going to find a deal like that where we live ( NW London).
The nearest riding school from here is 20 mins by car but is probably accessible by public transport in about 45 mins. Realistically she's going to need my help.
We are still thrashing it out, but she's back at school tomorrow and I think she's going to find she doesn't have that many extra hours!

I think I would leave it to her to sort out. My DD does all sorts of deals through social media. Suggest it should cost no more than x a week & she needs to get there on her own steam. She will either find something suitable or not. A good time NOT to be a helicopter parent.Even though you are in NW London, you would be surprised at the number of horses tucked away hither & yon ( railway arches being a particular favourite around London.

Patchetts Green, Suzannes, South Medburn Farm, Park Farm, Galley Lane, Oxhey Grange, all gone.
She needs to think carefully about what would happen when her yard gets closed down and sold for housing development, because that is the way it is all going.

Emma - if you can bring a horse in from the field, take its rug off, groom it, fully muck out a stable, make up hay nets, make feeds, clean out and refill a water bucket and sweep down the concrete all in twenty minutes you can come and do services on my yard please!!!

Yes, I pretty much can - and have to as I work full time so can't spend an hour doing jobs at the yard! I have an automatic drinker in the stable and just put haylage on the floor instead of filling haynets plus have rubber matting which probably makes the mucking out quicker but I am certainly no where near an hour. On livery yards where staff are dealing with 20+ horses I suspect they are not spending an hour dealing with each horse either.

oh and Belmont as well.
In fact where on earth does your daughter ride? Are there any places left?

She was riding at South Medburn, AFAIK that is still going but we missed a week, lost our usual slot and it's just so expensive.
She's gone to Stanmore a couple of times and tried Littlebourne but she said they were super snooty there and she didn't want to go back.
They are all 20-30 mins by car from us, nowhere is really close except for what used to be Jacks, but they don't do lessons there.
They are now Ruislip Stables and are closeish to us, so she might go up and see what they have as they do talk about loans.
But yes, it's all up to her . Absolutely not a helicopter parent here, except for wanting to have the final say on this.

oh is South Medburn still going? I thought I saw some plans for it online and assumed it was closed.

Yes, plans are up so I guess they could sell at any time.
They want £47 for a 60 minutes small group lesson though once they are 14. It's a lovely place though.

On the basis that she can't even be arsed looking after the pets she has without you nagging her, is tell her a flat out no.

I used to pay £47 for a 45 mins private lesson at a riding school.
I now pay nearly £600 a month for full livery.. hahahahaaa cries. It's worth it though

In our neck of the woods there are plenty of stables where full liveries are offering part loans. Abt £10-15 per day. All they need to do it show up, groom and ride.

I would tell her no tbh. If she really wants to she can do it herself when she's earning full time. The fact she can't be arsed to look after a pet properly when it's in your family home makes me think the cold mornings and dark evenings slogging round in mud won't motivate her.

If she doesn't care for her own pets now why would you even consider getting a horse knowing that you'll be left looking after it.

Maybe rehoming these pets would focus her attention on looking after the horse properly