Time to give up

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Have been riding 1.5yrs. Not a confident rider at all. Have had a few falls.

Was on my favourite horse tonight who is bomb proof. She stumbled and that was it I lost my nerve. I had to stop and get off as the anxiety took over. I couldn't breath and I could feel my heart pumping.

Do you think really this is the time to say "no more". I dread going incase I have a horse I don't like and end up falling off. The fact that I was on my favourite one and couldn't even cope on her tells me that my riding days are over.

I do feel sad about it but also releaved that I don't have to do it again.

Also can I ask whereabouts in the country this riding school is? Want to make sure it's not the one I've just started going to........

Could you make a compromise with yourself, e.g. Continue riding but no jumping?

I ride but don't jump. I only have lessons at a riding school I trust, ride a friend's pony that I 100% trust and go on riding holidays at a place I trust.

Op can you drop the jumping? I haven't ridden for several years, but hope to restart next year.
Most of my falls have been from jumping, and I prefer dressage anyway (too much of a chicken for jumping...I always feel the horse is going to refuse.) So if I do take it up again I will not bother with jumping.
Another thing, if you can drop the weight you will hopefully be given a finer horse or even a pony, I love riding a smaller horse, I definitely feel safer, I feel they respond better to rider signals (that might all be in my head though).

Advice - I am far South. Where abouts do you go?

I don't think your weight is an issue. I think what could be good is for you to take a step back. Find a better riding school or look for a steady plod maybe on part loan.

Just because you can stay on the horse when it's cantering doesn't mean you necessarily should do it. it sounds like you need some support and to start from the ground up and they are not giving this to you.

Riding schools in my opinion rarely do. A lot of people don't because a lot of people don't understand what it's like to lack confidence.

You don't build confidence with speed and difficult stuff. you build confidence by just being around them without anything stressful.

If you lived near me and I had a suitable horse I'd get you handling it on the ground. You lack confidence because you are worrying about how the horse is going to react because he could react and hurt you.

So I'd have you touch the horse and gradually put more pressure on different areas of the horses body so you could see for yourself what's going to happen if you do this. I'd get you leading him places so you can see what he's going to do.

There are always going to be the odd ones you don't see coming but if you spend enough time gradually exposing yourself to more and more you wouldn't have this huge crash when you do get that odd incident pop up (and yours are some pretty unfortunate and scary ones!).

Really don't pay money to be frightened. Find somewhere (trekking centre idea was good) you can just spend time relaxing without pressure.

I broke several bones (two complete breaks in my right upper arm) falling off once. my mum bought me my own so I had that advantage but I couldn't tack him up or anything because my arm took sooo long to heal and one day I just started walking him to the wall near the menage. I'd walk around to a slope that went up to to wall and then just walk around on him bareback. I couldn't do anything else for ages but once I could I don't remember being scared.

I did have a meltdown about a week after the initial accident though where I insisted he was out to kill me just because he came over to sniff my jacket pocket though. Confidence issues are the worst xx

I gave up jumping after I was so anxious I threw up while on the horse

Definately try another place if you can. Some instructors are brilliant with nervous riders.

I'm also in the south....

Take a step back and don't even consider jumping until you're absolutely sure you're ready. In fact, wait until you are bored with what you are doing and desperate to move up a step. It is meant to be fun, and there's no point being frightened to the extent you seem to have been. Good luck.

Was in a similar situation myself op, and posted,on here for advice a while ago. I tried a different school (part of a trekking centre) and explained my anxiety. Took it really,slowly, with a combination of lessons (with a fantastic teacher) and treks. The transformation in my confidence has been amazing!
I was surprised at how low I had gotten, even at the new school I would still have panic attacks, but I stuck with it and now ride different horses and feel safe. I'm cantering cross country...but still hanging on for dear life!

The over riding message I got on my thread was that riding should be fun (it's too expensive not to be!) but you need to find a good school. Good luck op, I hope you don't give up but give yourself time. Focus on core stability and your breathing. Ironically enough I have found that riding has done more to help with my anxiety than anything else has!

It sounds like you might enjoy riding somewhere else a bit more? I think it's important to get the right fit with a riding instructor, and to feel like you really trust them and the horses.
We are in the south as well and have a couple of really lovely yards near us, maybe get some recommendations and try a few others to see how you get on. It would be a shame to give up on something you love when you could just need a change x

I am a classical/biomechanical riding instructor and the main problem I see time and again is that people are rushed up to the cantering and jumping stage without being taught any real security through their seat and core muscles. This is a huge mistake as they end up just gripping on for dear life with their legs and arms (although they don't realise this is what they are doing and that there is another way) and don't have any balance, hence all the falling offs. Although in op case they do sound avoidable/quite bad falls. Core strength and balance takes time to build up,especially of you only ride once a week.
When I address these issues the first thing riders say to me is how amazed they are that they feel so much more secure in their seat and balanced. It helps tremendously.
You need to find somewhere that address this stuff if you want to keep riding. Lessons at a riding school with more classical style instructors or those which offer biomechanical lessons would be best. Also there is the option of having some lessons on mechanical horses which eliminate all the risk as it is not a real horse but does feel realistic enough for you to learn how to use your seat.
I might add that a horse which rears, rushes back from the mounting block and then collapses on the floor is absolutely not suitable as a riding school horse and would undoubtedly cause me to assume it is in severe pain somewhere.

I don't personally think riding schools should have horses that rear full stop

Any horse will rear if it's in pain and under pressure. True, not all horses are suitable for riding schools but what the OP describes could as well be suitable horses mismanaged as unsuitable horses. If a horse has an ill-fitting saddle, particularly if the points of the tree are digging in, that would explain the rearing, backing up and falling over. When horses behave in ways we describe as "naughty" it's very frequently a pain response.

Anyway OP, if you're still around, I hope you've found somewhere that gives you more confidence. IME people often get taught to canter and jump too soon, quite often because that's what they actually push for. Riding schools can be damned if they do and damned if the don't because clients get bored if they're not pushed, but aren't always ready to go onto the next stage. NB I'm not saying you were pushy at all, just that dealing with pushy clients in the past may have influenced the instructor's decision to get you cantering and jumping early on.