Grass Livery/Retirement Livery for friend's horse

[susiella]

I don't offer livery.
I've got 8 acres split into 2 4 acre paddocks. I'm hoping to get 4 stables put up before the end of October. (.My daughter will eventually outgrow her mare, so she'll probably have another 1) . I keep our 3 (17.3hh TBxID gelding, 11hh Sec A mare & 13hh Exmoor Cross mare) in the 'winter paddock'. I'm saving the other 4 acres as 'summer' paddock. My friend has 3 ponies. Eldest 1, 24, is now retired. Gelding, approx 14hh. Arab cross. All kept on DIY livery elsewhere. Cutting to the chase, friend wanted to bring this gelding to my land. I said no. No money offered. Friend works insane number of hours. Drops 12 yr old daughter at livery yard, drives off to work. Collects her when she can. Doesn't appear to have any free time spare to see to elderly gelding. Who is on 1 feed a day currently. Will increase to 2, shortly. My gelding is very protective of 'his' mares. Is protective of his feed. I think this could only end in disaster. I think that me saying 'no' this morning has sounded the death knell on our friendship. So, oh wise horsey Mumsnetters, was ABU?

IBU. Obviously.

Absolutely right to say no. No, no, no thank you.

But you have your own land. Of course your friend can dump her elderly horse on you.

Nope, YANBU at all. And I say that as an owner of an old horse with problems.

Of course YANBU. Sounds like she wants to pretty much abandon her retired horse on you and expect free childcare for her daughter.

Has she been asked to leave her current livery yard? If so, I bet her behaviour (lack of time, leaving her daughter and not seeing to her gelding) is the reason.

What a cheek, you have enough land to keep your horses well, and room for one more for your daughter in the future. That is enough reason to say no without the issue of changing the field dynamics.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm heartened by the responses. I was worried people would say I was being mean not wanting to have him. the friendship is over, sadly, though. Ho hum.

Nobody needs horse friends like that.

I think you have had a really lucky escape. If your so called friend has ended your friendship over you refusing to allow her gelding to stay in your fields, presumably for free and with you doing all the work, imagine her reaction if you had asked her to actually look after her own horse or call the vet! It sounds to be like she fully intended to abandon her horse on you and you would have ended up in a far worse situation, as you wouldn't have had a friend then either but you would have been stuck with a retired horse!

She doesn't sound a very pleasant person if she has ended your friendship over that.

On a practical level we have four ponies on 8 acres split in to Summer and Winter. We have the Summer split by tap into smaller paddocks to strip graze and the Winter one is split in half and they come in at night.

There is no way we could take another pony/horse on that amount of acreage. They would be starving - and needing hay - by March..

You should definitely say no...

It wasn't a friendship to begin with... Honestly, why is it some people expect something for nothing, or totally disregard how them asking would affect existing dynamics. Better off without her I'd say!