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The tack room

Discuss horse riding and ownership on our Horse forum.

Really struggling

13 replies

Joysmum · 11/12/2013 08:18

I have had my Welsh Sec D for 7 years. She was my fav horse at the riding school when I returned to riding. She was in working livery there, I then got her on working livery loan before buying her when I was 33. This was on the suggestion of my RI. She's my first horse and I thought she'd be with me for life.

I loved her because she is typical welshy with that welshy spirit, clever, forwards, strong, opinionated and spooky and thrived with a rider she trusted and respected but had her moments. In other words, a challenging but fun ride. I am a happy hacker who likes fast hacks.

That was fine, she suited me. However, over a period if a couple of years, my wants and needs as a rider have changed. I've found as time has gone on that I've gradually been doing less and less of what I'd always enjoyed. So now we don't do prolonged canters and I avoid the faster work we used to love. She's frustrated, I'm frustrated. Having ridden other horses, I've discovered that if I had a more predictable, less drama queen, horse then Id be back to the long fast hacks I'd always enjoyed.

I should just mention at this stage that she's not changed at all, she's everything I always loved about her. I should also mention that I'm more than capable of riding her but it's got to the stage where I am irritated by all the things I used to love about her, her forwardness, her spookiness, her will to discuss anything she doesn't want to do! She's a sensitive girl who picks up on my rise in energy and can't I stand why we can't just have long fast canters anymore.

So there's no doubt about it, it's best for both her and I if she finds an owner that loves her as I used to for who she is and can either hunt her, do x country or lots of lovely fast hacks. She'd make a perfect teenagers horse and that's how she started off in life.

So here I am in winter, with a horse I love dearly but am no longer suited to, a horse who I thought would be with me for life and yet I'm prepared to put my riding needs first and sell her. I'd always assumed that if I could no longer ride her anymore then I'd keep her forever and she owed me nothing. However, she can be ridden and likes to be and needs it for her health and well being.

We've got at least another 2-3 months before I can find another home for her and I'm feeling so low, so guilty, so sad. I'm trying to emotionally detach myself from her ready to be able to part with her in very early spring. Every time we go out and have a good ride at walk trot and collect canter I feel guilty because she can be so good and clearly is itching to do more but I'm not prepared to on her. None of this is her fault, she is who she is and at 13, she's not going to change her personality so this isn't about training. I have changed and the more time goes by, the more over horsed I am and the less and less I want to have to manage her so the more I step back from her and the things we used to enjoy.

I never thought I'd part with her and I'm going to miss her so much. I've tried advertising for sharers/loaners etc but horses need riders are 2 a penny here. It doesn't help that last week I had to have my old boy PTS.

This isn't a thread for advice, I don't want to try anymore with her and have taken years to come to this decision so it's taken a while to be fully confident that this is right for both of us.

I was wondering how anyone else who has rehomed a horse they love dearly but wasn't suitable anymore has coped? I've put her on full livery since my old boy was PTS and am going to her today to ride but am filled with dread and would rather she found the right home tomorrow. Ideally I'd turn her away through winter but feel compelled to ride at least 2-3 times a week.

OP posts:
Littlebigbum · 11/12/2013 18:31

Where are you?
Could you take the time and go complete over the top with dressage, or some sort of challenging thing. I did have a short back welsh cob which no one else would ride. ohhh she loved to jump.
Or maybe lessons for you [sorry].
I had to sell a TB because I was in such a bad place that it made her off her head. I now it was me just wrong horse for time, and have forgiven myself.
Could you put her back working livery?

Littlebigbum · 11/12/2013 18:32

Ohhh sorry about your old boy, it is so hard

Joysmum · 11/12/2013 20:31

She def isn't going back on working livery, as a nervy mare it didn't suit her and I'd never do that to her.

I don't want or need lessons as I handle her just fine, I just don't want to do it anymore. I just need to come to terms with the fact that she's not what I need as I'm getting older. The older I get, the more I want a straightforward, uncomplicated ride.

I took her on the beach today and would have loved to have had a good old gallop just like the olden days, I'd have done it on any if my friends horses I've ridden because they are straight forward with no hidden depths or angst, I just want the same for me.

She's only 13. I can expect her to have another 10 full years and she'd be far happier doing more, I'd be far happier doing more too, it's just she's not the right one for me to do it on. I ride solo, the older I get, the worse my back is getting and the harder I find it to be at one with her because of my lack of mobility and that puts me at greater risk of falling off. That's only going to worsen.

I need something more akin to a first horse again. She's frustrated, I'm frustrated. If she were happier doing less I'd look to do the occasional blast on a more saintly horse to keep me happy. She'd love a carefree teenager to go rampaging round the countryside on.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 11/12/2013 21:36

has she hunted before? she sounds perfect for me, except for being a mare

Mitchy1nge · 11/12/2013 21:37

I am a middle-aged carefree teenager Grin and I have an actual teenager who rides like a middle-aged adult

horseylady · 11/12/2013 21:53

Having just sold one of my horses, I understand where you're coming from.

Advice I was given from many people is that they cost too much, emotionally, physically and financially to not be right.

Mine is much happier in the new home, spending all her time flat schooling, and hacking off road. No jumping, limited traffic. And hacking with company.

Best thing I did for both if us, and while im fortunate to have another horse, I'm still looking for my second horse!! My pony has never been perfect as she's too small really but I could never sell her either. She's just fab and worth her weight in gold. But my other horse didn't worry me as much when it came to selling her. In fact by the end of it, I didn't want to ride her. We were just horrific.

5OBalesofHay · 11/12/2013 21:58

I'm looking for a Welshie (I think) for capable teenage gd who is ready for a horse again. Pm me if loan or lwvtb in leicestershire might be an option.

Stinkyminkymoo · 12/12/2013 13:35

Oh dear OP, I feel your pain. I have the same problem except to make me feel even more treacherous, I decided to sell BigHorse and keep BabyHorse. I always thought it would be the other way around but I too am getting more frustrated at how annoying BigHorse is and how amazingly BabyHorse is doing. I just want to be able to go out and do stuff and BigHorse isn't the one to do that. Hmm

I'm hoping BigHorse's sharer is going to buy him so am crossing fingers and hoping she says yes.

Lots of people have told reminded me that horse riding is for fun, it's an expensive hobby and if you're not enjoying it then it's best to sell and find something you can have fun with.

No one will judge you and it's ok to out grow a horse. Hugs. (< don't tell anyone I did that!)

1muddymummy · 13/12/2013 11:15

if you are northern based I have a lovely mare that doesn't enjoy jumping but is a fantastic hack. We will give her away to a good home.

mrslaughan · 13/12/2013 15:24

You know, I think it is a really brave thing to face up to this.....maybe I feel that way as I was involved in a share, that was right to start, and then it wasn't. But I look at a number of people in our yard, who want uncomplicated, need uncomplicated......have ended up with complicated (but I think) feel they will loose face/makes them a failure to say that the relationship is not working.

As many have said (and my instructor often reminded me during my share), it is meant to be fun.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 13/12/2013 15:29

No advice but was interested to read as we recently bought a Welsh Section D cross Warmblood for my DD and I have been horrified astounded about what a prize twat character he is.

I am sure you will find the right home for her - or would you consider a permanent loan so that you can retain some control.

I broke my heel 6 years ago in a riding accident and have not ridden my mare since. If I had something sensible I probably would, but she is a very sharp TB and I just couldn't cope. She is a lady of leisure now.

zooweemumma · 16/12/2013 09:45

We have a Welsh x warm blood and he's the best pony I've ever known! Beautiful, beautiful manners, bombproof, kind and very quick round a course of show jumps and does a lovely showy dressage test!

zooweemumma · 16/12/2013 11:55

Sorry that post is probably quite unhelpful Blush I was just saying that sometimes they can be nice crosses. Just in case I sounded too smug, we also have a cob x who is a complete pita x

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