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My friend has got rid of her horse!

7 replies

gowithflow · 03/03/2013 13:31

Hi, this may sound like a childish problem, but it has really made me sad! My best friend and I kept our horses at the same yard, buddied up well so we shared the load, rode out together, schooled together, had our children at the same time and generally did everything together! Then at the same time I had my third child, her marriage broke up. She decided to get rid of her horse without telling me which, although I fully understand as it was a difficult decision to make, still hurt my feelings. I see her very rarely now and riding has become another chore, rather than the fun, exciting, stress release that it once was.

When had our first children, we promised to try and keep the horses, however hard it was. She obviously couldn't, as her circumstances changed so much, but it has made me question whether I should keep my horse, even though I am able to afford him and i have (just about) the time to devote to him. I have a lovely horse who is capable and easy but I feel like I should give him up and sell him becuase my friend did, and it now seems like a slog and nothing but hard work. Riding was so special for me because of my best friend, but it seems to have changed. There are other ladies at the yard who I ride with and they are lovely, but I do not have the special bond that I shared with my friend. I feel like a school girl getting sad because my best friend is playing with some body else, but I think that, as mothers, a great female friend is even more important now to help with the drudge of every day life. It may be that the long, LONG winter is finally catching up with me and I hope that it will all change with the spring because I do love riding, and my horse, and am totally aware that I am in a very blessed position to have a supportive husband who is keen for me to keep the horse. Has anyone been through anything similar? Any advice how to get my equine mojo back?!

OP posts:
Littlebigbum · 03/03/2013 15:20

Hard one, invite your friend to ride your horse. If you friendship is going to survive then you have ride out your rough parts

Floralnomad · 03/03/2013 15:59

TBH If your friend got rid of the horse without even telling you I think you have more invested in the friendship than she did , particularly if as you say you hardly see her now. I think the decision as to whether you want to keep your horse should be taken as a ' stand alone ' issue ,not tied up with friendship issues.

Pixel · 03/03/2013 17:58

I don't think this winter has helped at all. I've had horses 30 years and this is the first time it's seemed like unrelenting slog (could it be my age as well?, be careful how you answer Grin). I just haven't been bothered about doing anything with dhorse and for the first time ever I've felt like I could actually give up if I didn't love dhorse so much. So I think I know exactly how you feel!

However, I'm hoping that an improvement in the weather and the mud finally drying up will get me going again. If I were you I wouldn't make any decisions until the nicer weather is here. Whether you keep your horse or not really shouldn't be dependant on what your friend has done with hers.

I think Littlebigbum's suggestion of inviting your friend to ride might be worth thinking about. She could have not told you about selling her horse because she felt bad about the fact that she'd promised not to, and also she was probably feeling sad about having to sell him. It may be she's missing riding but feels she's 'brought it on herself' because she's upset you and feels awkward about seeing you. Asking her to come and ride is worth a try if you feel you want to try and save the friendship.

Lovesswimming · 03/03/2013 18:09

my friend doesnt currently ride out with me, we get round it by using a bike as well, my lad loves following it and its like hacking out with 2 horses (in that he's not spooky) maybe you could do thi and swap?
your freind probably still needs some time out relaxing and you need to be out with someone you get along well with

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 03/03/2013 18:37

This last year has been diabolical. Wet, miserable, cold, weve had no money for fun stuff, no menage to ride in when it rains, fields to wet to ride in...
There are 5 of us on our yard, Friend, her DH, DD, DD's friend and I. Every single one of us is totally fed up. 12 horses and ponies between us and 3 foals due. Sometimes we talk about sending the whole lot to market!! We wouldnt, EVER, but its such a CHORE at the moment!Sad
I cant imagine your friend took this decision lightly. Agree with offering her a ride, but if she says no, just remember she might be feeling a bit raw about losing her own horse, or just need a total break.
She can still be your friend without a horse.

Plomino · 04/03/2013 00:29

I agree this winter has been a royal pain in the arse . That said , I think that those post christmas months always seem to last forever ,and the crap weather , and general grimness , wet fields , and little riding , has added to it all the more. I'm just hanging on in there waiting for spring , when it all seems that much more do able , instead of rushing outside , getting the bare minimum done , then rushing back indoors .

horseylady · 10/03/2013 10:14

Yep mine was going in Thursday!!! After spending more time in traffic than with her!! I was very fed up BUT a fabulous endurance ride yesterday and she's going no where. Apart from maybe closer to home!! She's just so honest. Unless we're jumping!!

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