Trying to be realistic

[scruffylady]

I need some advice!
I have three horses, well one is a retired pony who is cheap to keep and does not get ridden. One is 14 and does not need to be worked every day. The other is a bit of a problem, she is 7 and spooky as hell. She is one of those who needs regular work, you cant just pick her up and put her down like the older horse. Does anyone manage to ride regularly with a new baby? I work part time at the moment and spend alot of time riding her.

Its weird but her behaviour has deteriorated recently. I think this always happens in Autumn. With the cooler weather. But it is not what I need right now as I am now about 12 weeks pregnant and the spooking is so worrying. So I am in a quandary about whether I should keep her. She is an arab and I think would suit an endurance home. I used to do endurance. I have done a few short rides with her. However when the baby comes I will not have the time or money to compete her and she is the perfect age to go on in a competition home. I just cannot imagine her ever managing with only occassional riding! She would be off her head!

I have had her since she was a yearling and she has always been the same, just a generally nervy horse. Believe me when I say I have taken her around and shown her things, put in the hours, done the groundwork, researched all reasons, checked all physical things. Her spookiness makes me think I cannot imagine anyone wanting to exercise her for me. I cannot afford to pay anyone. I had not planned to sell her. But she takes up so much time. Soon I will have to stop riding her altogether I guess. In fact after two days of hill training, (to tire her out a bit) then schooling today, during which she proceeded to throw her head around like a nut, I thought sod this I am stopping riding her now lol

How realistically do people cope with two horses in work with a baby? I have no mother and I dont think my MIL will take it too kindly to having a baby to look after just so I can go riding! Nevermind what she will think about the money I must spend to keep them :(

I am in a total quandary about it and know people will judge me for selling her. But I just cannot imagine my DP saying every day 'oh yes off you go to ride' after he has been at work! And in order to exercise the other horse too it will be every other day at least. Forgive me if I sound emotional, its a difficult decision and I dont want to leave it too long to sell her, as she will have to be sold without being tried if I leave it too late :(

I feel it is too selfish to try to keep all three and expect others to be left holding the baby while I ride. Does anyone have any experience of actually managing a baby and more than one horse to ride? Thank you in advance!!

No experience of babies and horses,but I think,from what you've said,selling her now would be the best option.No one should be judging you for doing what is best for both of you.Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Poor you, big decision to make. I had 3 horses when I first got pregnant. I put one on loan, one got injured and is still on field rest and I kept my mare who can be ridden as often or not as I want.

I would think seriously about whether it will put a strain on family relationships for you to keep your mare. I found I really wanted to spend time with my 'whole family' rather than doing childcare tag with the husband so I could go for a ride. For a long while I only got a ride in every fortnight or so.

I think if exercising your mare becomes something you 'have to do' to keep her sane, you may begin to resent it. Its great having a bit of 'me' time and a distraction from baby duties but you don't want the horses becoming a burden.

Other things to think about are the financial side, presumably your income will decrease as you will either stop work or have to pay for childcare. For me this is hard as I feel my kids miss out on stuff they would have if I didn't have the horse. Will you be having more children as that may make it harder still?

You might also find, as I did, that horses take a bit of a back seat once children come along. I honestly never thought it would happen, I used to spend all my spare time at the yard. I love my mare to bits but tbh all the yard chores have become a hassle to be fit around everything else.

My kids are now 2 and 3 so its getting easier but I honestly think trying to keep 2 horses going with so little childcare support will be very hard for you.

Meant to also say, if she is that sharp don't ride her! I rode up to 38wks but you couldn't fall off mine if you tried. Your little one is well protected but you don't want to have any regrets. Also they can pick up on your hormones so that may be why she is acting up a bit.

Horse and babies are difficult, how difficult depends on the horse and the baby.

I have competition horses and I struggle to keep them in work. They now do about 50% of the work they did before the baby, so I have gone from riding twice a day, six days a week (which I fit around a full time job) to riding each one once/twice a week with another once or twice on the lunge (having given up my job to be a SAHM).

While some people have babies that will sleep in the pram and toddlers that will amuse themselves in the tackroom while they hop on a horse, I have only managed to ride once while looking after the baby in 18 months. The rest of the time I have to find someone to entertain DD while I do the horses which is not easy. Add to that farriers, vets, dentists, etc. field maintenance, buying feeds/tack/rugs/hay, etc. and life is very, very busy although I feel like I haven't achieved much at the end of the day other than stay afloat!

I used to compete twice a month and I have managed two competitions in the last 18 months.

So it is hard.

I don't want to make you despair but it may be better to try to sell your horse now when she is fit, in work and you can show her off, than leave her in a field for a few months and find that you can no longer do the fittening work to bring her back into work. Her chances of finding a good home are better if she can be shown to full advantage and a lot of teenagers like a more buzzy horse.

As an aside, have you ever tried a magnesium supplement? Some horses that get more buzzy with the flush of autumn/spring grass benefit from magnesium supplements.

I think from what you have said selling her now would be the way forward, tough though it will be.

I found I could cope with horse and baby, although I did only have one horse. When i went back to work though it all got too much, and the horse had to go.

I think though its hard, its the time to sell her - you wouldn't be doing her or you any favours otherwise. She needs hard working, and you need the safety of a sensible horse when pg and having a baby

Just had another thought, have you considered putting her out on loan? You could then potentially have her back when the little one is at school in a few years, and you retain control of her in the meantime.

I agree with NOtinmylife, if you do want to keep her then see about putting her on loan, but it does sound like you need to move her on at least for now, and just stick with the pick up and put downable one for now. Difficult decision, whatever you decide though. Good luck to you with everything

Agree with those who've mentioned loaning if possible.
Alternatively, could you look around and/or advertice for someone to exercise/school her for you?
I know you say you can't imagine anyone wanting to, but there almost certainly will be experienced riders in your area who'll put in the time without pay. (I'd give it a go, and time permitting will be happy to if you're in my area, though time is limited over next few months.)
Personally, I'd be wary about selling a horse at the moment unless it was excellently schooled, fit, etc.

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Thank you so much for your brilliant replies! I did not mean to not reply sooner and thank you but I had my scan yesterday and it totally wiped me out! I saw the baby wriggling around and just thought thats it no more trotting! Especially with the mare!! I will wait for the blood results and then make a better decision, its limbo at the mo waiting to hear if there are any problems. I will look into an ad for loan/sale and see if there is a rider locally although I for one dont want to ride her! So cannot imagine anyone else wanting too. But as you say a teenager may enjoy her antics! I think the majority consensus is to be realistic and keep my older horse and sell/loan her. So I am so glad I asked you all as I feel so much better about making this decision. I think its likely that you dont have time for at least two years to ride from what I see so hmm time to think realistically. Thanks for your support!!

Hey if you're in South Oxon I can help! Just moved back from abroad and looking to get back into horses but don't want the burden of owning one just now. I am luckily a SAHM and kids out all day at school. Can cope with spooking and dancing as long as she doesn't go up - I'm too old for that malarkey!

Am just about to put up a note in local tack shop to that effect.

When I was working full time with 2 horses, and then when my kids were toddlers, I was desperate for someone like me