Am I being unrealistic here?

[Mirage]

DD2 tried a lovely pony yesterday,she has just been on trial with 2 different friend who both sang her praises but neither of whom bought her.One said it was because despite her daughter loving the pony and her not putting a foot wrong,she won't give up her old pony and can't have 2.The other said that within a year her daughter would have outgrown her and she couldn't bear the thought of having to part with her and start looking all over again.

DD2,despite recently having such bad experiences with B,got on really well,and cantered and jumped her very nicely on two separate days in 2 different places.I asked the owner what the pony was like in open spaces and she replied that her daughter had been taught to turn her in circles if she got excited and couldn't be stopped and that did the trick.Now,this girl is twice dd2's age and dd2 is small and light [see pics on my profile],so I don't think she'd stand a chance of stopping.

I emailed one of the friend's who have trialled her and asked how they found her out in the fields.She said that they didn't know as her dd [9] is not allowed to canter outside of the school,and that there are hardly any ponies that won't bomb off if everyone else is too.But dpony doesn't,even out hound exercising she does as she is told,and Newboy didn't either.Plus when I asked the owner,neither of us mentioned other ponies,just 'what is she like in open spaces?' If she bombs of alone,what will she do in company?

So,am I being unrealistic to expect a pony not to loose it's head in a big field? And am I being unreasonable to let the dds canter and gallop about in fields at 7 and 9? I thought everyone did stuff like this?

Thankyou for reading this far.

Tough one. It's certainly not unrealistic to want a pony that will never bomb off in a field/out hunting with a young child on board but you may have to search for a while to find it and you will have to pay a decent price for it. Most of my friends whose young children hunt do resort to popping them on the lead rein at times and being very careful where they place themselves in the field.

Having to circle a pony to calm it down doesn't sound too bad if that's all it does, but of course if you think your DD would not be able to do that it could become a dangerous situation. On the other hand, at some point she will have to ride something with more ooomph it in and learn to sit up, half-halt and circle. She could take on this pony and treat it as a learning curve, taking things slowly, learning how to ride it in the school, hacking in reliable company in walk/trot at first, having a first canter on a hack on a really uphill bit, etc.

Is your DD a proficient enough rider to be able to use a gag correctly? Either that - or a Pelham with double reins - can help with the brakes when the pony is blatantly stronger than the rider, and in a situation where it is likely to become excitable, such as hunting. Just an idea.

Hmmm, not unreasonable to let them canter and gallop about in fields but I wonder what you quite mean by "bomb off"? I would not say that either dpony 1 or dpony 2 "bomb off" but if asked to go all out, whether alone or in company, can take a few seconds to come back. I can see that if the rider was panicked by this it could quickly end up with the pony getting equally scared and confused and just carrying on. You may also find that ponies ridden by older children have got used to being razzed up in certain situations so take a while to understand that they're not expected to go for it in quite the same way with a new, smaller jockey.

I imagine your DD2's confidence (and maybe yours) is a bit fragile at the moment so you probably want to minimise risk. I think finding a pony that she can hunt pretty much straightaway but which doesn't require some riding could take a while and potentially some money if you're looking to buy.

FFS! Do NOT buy this pony and put the poor bastard in a gag or Pelham!
If DD cant manage her in the open straight away, then let her ride within her boundaries, in safety, until dd is happy and ready to move on.
It's natural that as dd progresses up through ponies of new sizes and abilities; that she may have to regress slightly in what she can do until she is comfortable. It's not fair to the pony and bloody dangerous to stick a stronger bit in its mouth, to get dd going. And counter productive in the long run.

As with what saggy said. Dont need to go changing to a harsher bit

Turning a circle to calm it down if that helps it, doesnt sound too bad. Is your dd condfident/happy enough to do that? If she isnt the pony could pick up on it, play up and knock her confidence more,

Is this the only one you ve tired so far? If so perhaps go try a couple more it may help you fully decide the yes/no decision on the pony wether to if it is actually what you want.

Thank you all.I have no intention of letting dd2 go hunting just yet,unless on ultra reliable dpony as she isn't up to it and I don't have a horse to lead off either.
I think the pony has been used to an older child razzing her up and whilst DD2 is confident,I'm aware that confidence is easily lost.This is the 22nd pony we have tried so we've seen a few.....

I'm going to bear in mind what you have all said and speak to our instructor.This pony is in the next village and I know the mum,so we can go back and try her again.I have also arranged for a friend whose pony may be up for loan shortly to come over at the weekend,so DD2 can try her and see what we think.

marialuisa you've hit the nail on the head-fragile is exactly it.I wasn't even going to look for a while,but the 2 friends who'd had this pony on trial kept on saying how great she was,but if she is so great,why hasn't she sold so far?

I wonder if it's for the same reasons you feel uncertain? Pony is great but quite "full-on" as she's had a keen 11-12 year old jockey and they are nervous about whether that's quite right for their child at the moment?

This will sound strange but when we were selling dpony 1, I knew that he wouldn't be suitable for the sort of child rider I imagine your DD2 to be from your descriptions- capable but used to a pony that's steady and will help her out. He would behave like a total dope for a child that's on the lead or unsteady but when asked to jump or go xc would be very powerful, there wasn't really a middle way. Finding a home for that sort of pony (guessing the one you're looking at is in the 12-12.2hh bracket) is quite tricky.

You are absolutely right.All the 12.2's we've seen have been pretty much what you describe,which may be fine for DD2 in a year's time,but could well frighten her in the mean time if things go wrong.She is so tiny and light that the ponies don't know she is there I think.She is a far more gutsy rider than DD1 and will try and ride anything,wheras DD1 is super confident on dpony,but less so on different ponies.

Personally,I'm swinging more towards my friends loan pony,12h,22 years old,very safe,but still got a bit of whizz in her.DD1 rode her on Saturday and absolutely loved her,she was better than the 12.2 in her opinion.But she can't come to us until my friend finds something,so if you know of any 12.3's 13hh decent ponies for sale or loan,for her,please let me know.

I had a bolter once - we were missold it, and it frightened the pants off me. It took off down a road whilst I was being led by my mum, she didn't want to let go and got dragged on the tarmac.

I never rode it again, it was rehomed and I was loaned a lovely sofabed of a cob who I had to kick on all the time. If you're not sure then don't - you will only have something extra to worry about, and after your recent experiences I think that you can do without that.

I know this isn't local to you - but am happy to help if you are interested, they've come off www.herefordequestrian.co.uk:

13 HH Genuine 2nd Pony

WELSH SECTION C Chestnut Mare. 13hh. This is an amazing, fun, kind, kids pony - she has an unfazable nature & will have a go at anything - inluding being ridden into my kitchen! Sadly outgrown, genuine child's 2nd pony -forward going, big jump, bold across country, careful showjumping; patient out hunting. Excellent to load, in traffic, farrier. Loves children. Can be tried out hunting or on funride - Available on a week's trial as right home very important to us Tel: 01691 839277

Details
Name: Dr Anne Hollinshead
Phone: 01691 839277
County: Powys/Shropshire border
Price: £1800 ovno
Date added: 13/09/12

and here's another:

13hh friendly PC pony

Callie is a lovely 10 year old 13 hh bay Welsh cob Section C mare. Has done all pc activities including SJ to 2'9", XC, hunting, junior and senior camp, plus often in the rosettes at local shows. Will hack out alone or in company, currently lives out with others - loves company. Callie is game for anything. Wormed and vaccinated plus passport. Good to shoe, groom and catch. Would suit confident child rider with time to bring her on as second pony. Sad sale as rider now outgrown. Price to include tack and rugs

Details
Name: Clare Savage
Email: Make an enquiry
Phone: 07811608173
County: Gloucestershire
Price: £1900
Date added: 5/09/12

There are a few others there too. The right pony is there somewhere (it's a bit like looking for a house - we've been looking for 2.5 years, and everytime we see one I'm praying that this is "it", one day your pony will claim you!)

What does your friend's DD want to do? If she's keen on jumping then there's a 12.3hh mare on the Meynell PC website for sale section that might suit? Pony has done team chase, dressage etc. but is mainly a jumping pony. There's a couple on Horsequest in the Midlands that might be possible too.

Good luck Mirage.

I'd go with your gut instincts on this one, Mirage. After eveything you've been through you (and dd2) so don't need another problem pony! Your friend's nice steady pony sounds ideal, I'd be inclined to wait for her.

Or get yourself a horse so you can lead dd2 for a while. Go on, you know you want to

You have viewed 22 ponies? That is a good number of ponies! Did you have any suitable ones fail the vet? If not I would suggest you reconsider what you are looking for, it may be that you need to revise your criteria.

You may either have to go with a kick-along very dependable first pony kind of animal and put up with the lack of excitment and the limits to what your DD can do with it, or take a risk on a more lively ride, supervise closely, take it slowly and hope the animal is just above her abilities so she can catch up and learn from it.

I wouldn't trust my gut instincts TBH,they haven't served me well so far-2 children at camp were happily riding ponies I'd passed on.But they are older than DD2,so what suits them possibly wouldn't suit DD2.

I can't have a horse,I always threaten dpony that she is mine once the girls have moved on and I have to be true to my word. I am looking forward to being off work in the winter and taking her for a hack whilst the dds are at school,just to keep my hand in.

Gah! The owners of the pony we tried have texted me to ask if we'd like to bring our instructor down and have a lesson on the pony.I don't want to waste their time if I don't think she's right,I'll tell them that we are trying another pony over the weekend and I'll make a decision after that.

Thanks for all the suggestions,I'll get my friend to have a look.
Let me think of the 'first ponies' we have viewed,
1 that bombed off in canter,
3 that the owners changed their mind or sold after we'd agreed a trial
5 that bucked
1 that I'm sure had cushings
1 that you had to approach 'in the right manner and not rush to get groomed and tacked up' not ideal with getting 2 x small children & 2 ponies ready to ride after school
1 that was terrified of traffic
1 that was ridden in a pelham and standing martingale all the time
1 that was ridden in a 3 ring gag all the time
1 that 'was probably good on the road,but they didn't know as they'd never tried it'.
The rest had nothing wrong with them,but were just not right for us,ie if they don't like big vehicles or cows,not good in a farming area but not an issue in a town livery.

Tell you what Mirage - you come and look for a house for us, and I'll look for a pony for you!

Mirage, you sound really stressed by it all, and I'm not surprised, but I wonder whether the experience with B has made you very suspicious of all unknown ponies at the minute, which would be wholly understandable, but which might make you pass on a good pony. You might be best to wait for your friend's pony, but the other one may work out really well

Let's go back a bit: this pony was really good for your dd in canter and jumping etc, but you're not sure what she'll be like bombing around open fields and doing the exciting stuff. It might be worth getting a confident slightly older rider to try her out in the open and get a sense of the pony's attitude, do you still have your teenager around? If the pony's got a good attitude but is just used to an older rider she may adapt well, it's just difficult to know. It's probably worth getting Julie to do a lesson on the pony and get her opion.

I don't think that several trials is wasting the owner's time; and I don't think they'll see it that way. Dd2 is probably going to have to stick in the manege and to quiet hacking and rallies for a while with any new pony, which will give them time to get used to each other.

It's always a leap of faith putting your children on ponies you don't know well, and your faith has been severely dented. Do you think you might be better off taking a break from pony shopping till you've got a bit of distance from what happened with B?

I feel for you! When we were looking for DP we were very honest in explaining that we needed a very reliable hack for a novice rider, but it had to be a weight carrier...I called up about countless horses, viewed 15 and it was a nightmare. Some were so bad their owners would refuse to get on, most were terrible, out of the 15 I only let DP sit on two and one napped so I had to get back on at which point it nearly bucked me off!

However, we did find our lad and we grabbed him as soon as we saw him so you will find the right one!

You are all fab! I knew I'd get sense talked to me here.
frosty Perhaps we should do a swap?
Trebles You are right.I had absolutely no intention of looking again for a good few months.Only the friend from PC asked us around to try the loan pony,then rang up the night before and said to get DD2 to try the 12.2 while it was at their yard.I 'd been hearing about this pony for months from various different people.at least 5 people recommended her to me,so thought we might as well.Justine Neale had her on trial for a month and loved her,but her youngest wouldn't give up her old pony.Her eldest cantered the pony over the fields with no issues,but she is bigger than DD1,never mind DD2.Anyway,I've said to the owners that we will speak to Julie [she is coming today] and try an older,smaller pony to get a comparison,and certainly get back to them either way.

Booboostoo thankyou.People do have a funny idea of what is suitable,don't they? I think that between me and 2 other friends,we have tried every possible pony between 11.3-12.2 in a 20 mile radius.If one of us mentions a pony that is advertised,we can guarantee that another of us has tried it.

What a bloody nightmare it all is! I often say it would be easier to choose husbands for girls than get them the right ponies!!! Good luck, don't let it get you down.

Well,Julie said no,so that makes it easier.The girls had a lovely lesson today and DD2 got dpony to canter around the whole school,which she has never managed before.

Out of interest, what's wrong with the pony you already have?

Nothing wrong with her at all,love her to pieces-if I could find another one like her,I'd be happy.But sharing isn't working very well,if we hack out,which we do most days,one has to bike,then swap over half way and it limits hacking over the fields because the non riding child can't keep up.Then we have endless arguments about who brings her in,picks her feet out,grooms her,tacks her up,who rides first,and who's turn it is to go to rally.

Ah! I see. Been there, done that! When I was a kid, I had a lovely friend who shared her pony wth me. We were always in the one on a pony one on a bike scenario. She was really nice to put up with it!
Ill keep my ears peeled for you.

Plan B then, Mirage. Let's keep our eyes peeled for a replacement pony for your friend so dd2 can have the loan pony. There's loads on Preloved in our area at the minute. Glad Julie said no, that must have reduced your stress levels!