Tack Room guru's please help. Am I being selfish??!!

[elephantpoo]

Just want some viewpoints on this. Tried talking to DH but he won't give any input (just in case I make the wrong decision and then blame him ) and my family are not horsey so don't really "get" it.
I bought Dpony Nov. 2010 as my forever pony. It's always been a dream of mine to have young pony, train it myself and keep it forever.
Anyway, it all went a bit pear-shaped (I posted on here about pig-issues and a loss of confidence on my part) and this coincided with work getting extremely busy. So Dpony had 3 months off, as people on here suggested I do anyway.
During this rest period, there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel work-wise, so I advertised him for share / loan.
A girl at our current yard now has him on temporary loan. We thought 3 - 6 months would be good and I'd reassess my work commitments then. However, they are besotted with Dpony and said it's highly likely they will be trying to talk me into selling him
Since the new year I have realised that work is calming down (we took on a member of staff and the initial work involved just bogged me down) but now I'm on top of it and realise I can keep it this way.
Here lies my dilemma.

1. My heart says take Dpony back after 3 months and we go on our merry way. I love him to bits and will never 'replace" him. I would def. do some work on my confidence issues (it's def. me that's the problem re. pigs. Loanee has taken him past pigs-although he didn't actually see them, he knew they were there-and he was fine) and have lots of lessons.
2. My head says that I should sell him to this girl if they want him. He has HUGE potential in xc and sj. He is the kindest, most willing pony. She would do so much more with him. She does PC and would really help him to fulfill his potentia.

All he would ever do with me is happy hacking, the odd show and the occassional hunt. If I went with my head (which looks the most sensible option) I would concentrate my horsey energy on DD and her pony (and the next pony) and then look at getting something for us to share. It would just mean that my dream would have to wait for a few more years...... Any input appreciated

Make your decision with the needs of your pony paramount.

It's not selfish to want your horse back from loan. Is he definitely what you want long term? Are you sure that work etc won't go mad again? Sure you've got time to do what needs doing with him? If so, I'd have him back. If something else would suit you better long term then I'd sell and replace with something a bit more 'ready-made'

Unless dpony is the sort who needs loads of stuff to keep him from getting bored, horses don't necessarily have to jump and compete etc to be happy and fulfilled. A compromise would be to have him back on a share basis with the loaner (or if they don't want that find someone who does)

Depending on how old your dd is then I assume she'll want to hack out, and then you'll need a horse to accompany her. Depending on her age and size (and yours) it sounds like a share is ages away, which won't do your riding confidence any good. I'm usually sceptical about share mother/daughter arrangements; neither really gets the horse they want, and surely you'll want to ride together?

Regardless of how great the loaner is, and how much they adore him he is your pony and it isn't selfish to want him back

I'd have him back tbh. It sounds like you will do plenty with him, and you'd always wonder about him.

Walking your dd on a hack gets old v quickly too - I'm looking forward to ds (and dpony as they are both 5) being a little older so that I can lead them rather than traipsing around (and collapsing after a decent trot), and really looking forward to fun rides.

We loaned out one of our endurance horses when we wanted him to be a pleasure horse again instead. Things were never very satisfactory - lots of grey areas about vet treatment etc and the girl who loaned him always seemed short of cash for keeping a horse in the state we'd like. Therefore my view on loaning is tainted!

However what I'd say is have him back for the Summer and enjoy him. If work mounts up again then sell him to the highest purchaser rather than loaning him - a clean break is usually best we feel (never mind how upsetting at the time).

I'd extend the agreement to be a share for the summer, and see how you get on. Horses don't need to compete, IMO they are happy just being secure and well balanced with regular consistent exercise. Competing isnt the be all and end all. How old is your dd and how tall/heavy are you. It could conceivably be several years before you are both able to share a pony.

Thanks for the replies.

nursenic - that's exactly what I'm trying to work out

Older - he is def. what I want long term. Work was just so chaotic (moving accounts onto new system and PAYE and more admin) but I do believe I can keep on top of it now. DD is 9 and yes I do like hacking out with her. There are horses at the yard I can borrow, but not quite the same is it? I was thinking that a share would be 2 pony-shaped-steps away from us. In the meantime I can cycle out with DD or borrow a horse.

CMOT - when we first got DD's pony I lost 1/2 stone from walking alone!! Would feel like a step back TBH.

Butkin - There are plenty of people who share your view of loans. They often seem to go sour.

Saggy - DD is 9, but is tall for her age. I'm 5.8 and 10 st (on a good day) I was thinking DD would have 2 pony-stages before she got to the stage where we could share.

Think I'm going to wait until 3 months is up and see if selling even comes up. If it does I will explain my position and suggest share over summer and see what happens.

Thanks again all

I'm a bit late in seeing this thread but just wanted to add that I really don't see why you want to sell your dream pony, don't worry what others might or might not do with him, he's yours and he'll be just as happy hacking with you as competing with someone else.

Hello, I remember your previous thread about the pigs and hacking out.

I don't think you should sell, he is your dream horse! It doesn't matter what another rider will do with him, as long as he feels safe, secure and loved he will be happy.

It sounds like you have got it all planned re: lessons etc so, go for it and don't let anyone put you off!

dappleton - thank you for your reply. I was just worried he'd go to waste with me, but everyone's been very reassuring :)
redredruby - thank you, for your support on my previous thread too. Will stay focused on getting him back and enjoy my lovely boy :)

woohoo! that was the post i was hoping for!

I re-read your hacking thread, and your last post convinced me that keeping him is the best for both of you. It is clear how much you love him.

Good luck, you will both be fab