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Discuss horse riding and ownership on our Horse forum.

Original poster

Practically being forced to give up my horse :-(

50 replies

allgonebellyup · 23/03/2011 12:14

I am a single parent with 2 youngish dc, my mum looks after one of them afterschool as i am still at work, then i go to the yard for approx 45mins to get horse in/muckout etc. This is only twice a week, (then soon the horses are going out to the fields for the summer so will require no mucking out etc.
My mum (and 3 interfering sisters) think its awful that i have a horse, and that i am putting my dc last. I tried to sell her (reluctantly) but to no avail, then tried to loan and share her but kept getting let down.
She's a lovely mare, and as i have so many problems at work/certain people and am prone to bouts of depression, sometimes my mare and riding her are the only things that keep me happy and are the only time i get to myself !

i have explained to my family that nobody is keen on taking her from me, and my family are persuading me to just leave the field gate open or sell her for meat Sad

As you can see, they are not horsey in the slightest!

OP posts:
bizzieb33 · 24/03/2011 10:06

Can you sort out your horse on the nights that your DC's are at the childminders?

ExitPursuedByALamb · 24/03/2011 10:12

Who does your horse the other 5 nights of the week? Just interested in your arrangements.

I used to get this slightly from my mum when DD was little. I would sometimes leave her with them whilst I went to do my horse (and I went twice a day, although DH was at home in the mornings). I eventually managed to put her out on loan (the horse, not the child) but she came back like the proverbial bad penny. She still comes first in some ways. I do sometimes feel a bit guilty that our lives are dictated by the needs of the horse and the dog, but then I don't think it is a bad lesson for children to learn.

Just the drive to the stables in the mornings cheers my day. I would not part with her for the world. Hang in there, nothing stays the same. Your DCs will get older and be able to help at the stables rather than run riot.

Whenever things get tough just think "This too will pass". And enjoy your mare.

ZZZenAgain · 24/03/2011 11:21

how old are your dc?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 24/03/2011 13:08

My dc are 11 and 7.
My horse is on assisted diy livery but it doesnt cost me much as have great deal with yard owner, so i only have to do 2 eves and weekends.

OP posts:
seeker · 24/03/2011 13:16

Take them with you and get them to help.

Callisto · 24/03/2011 13:44

What happens to your children at the weekends when you're looking after your horse?

ExitPursuedByALamb · 24/03/2011 13:51

11 and 7. Crikey I thought they were little. Surely at that age they can be stopped from causing havoc at the yard, behave themselves and do something useful.

seeker · 24/03/2011 13:58

Or they can be left at home watching telly? Or they can be paid to help out - or learn to ride, or sit in the car and do homework or take their bikes with them and go for a ride while the OP does the horse, or do the horse while the Op sits in the car and drinks tea and listens to the radio......

In my mind, this is now a non-problem - so I must be misunderstanding something.

marge2 · 24/03/2011 14:23

Oh OK - not really much longer then. In that case use the childminder and tell your Mum and family to get stuffed!

I'd love to know how your horse isn't gobbling your cash though. Mine gobbles every spare penny and lots that aren't spare too!

MitchiestInge · 24/03/2011 14:54

I thought they were tiny tots too. Any special needs or just after school exuberance? If the latter there is loads they can do to help, do they ride too? Am thinking you could thrill your family by getting a pony :)

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 24/03/2011 16:03

Basically i would love them to come to the yard with me but the other women there really arent keen on kids there, no matter how well behaved. (in case their horse may accidentally hurt them etc Hmm)
but anyhow none of the women there have kids and dont seem particularly keen on children near their precious horses!

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByALamb · 24/03/2011 16:18

I do know a chap who won't allow children on his yard, at all. Thought about moving my mare there once but when I saw his rule decided it was a no no. If it isn't a rule and the owner doesn't mind, I would tough it out to be honest.

ZZZenAgain · 25/03/2011 18:26

they are older than I thought and their age doesn't seem to be a major factor here. Hold on to your horse but fob off your family by saying you are giving it another 6 months and then you are going to rethink it so you have a bit of peace.

ManateeEquineOhara · 25/03/2011 20:55

OMG your family are being totally unreasonable and unfair.

It is not like you are asking them to have a horse, it is none of their business, let them gossip but don't let it change what you do.

I recently moved to a new yard where they don't usually allow children. I kept my DCs aged 9 and 6 under strict instruction to stay right next to me, be extra polite etc, but actually now we have been there a few months I have been able to relax that a bit. Your DCs are old enough to understand that they are there with you and are not to bother the other liveries. What are the YO's feelings towards children at the yard? Do your DCs ride your horse? Perhaps you could find a more child friendly yard and make horsey time something you can all enjoy, not that you should have to - your current situation is perfectly reasonable and you should not feel you have to change or apologise for it.

CarGirl · 26/03/2011 12:49

Can't they come with you and sit in the car and read/play ds or something if them getting out of the car is an issue?

PaisleyLeaf · 26/03/2011 13:00

Can they not go to brownies/football/karate/anything over that time so in your family's eyes the children are doing something for themselves.

annieapple7 · 26/03/2011 22:52

I smpathise - my family never looked after children for me to ride! I share my horse so only have to look after him 3 days a week -I had to go and do him while DCs were in nurrsey and school in mornings then they would help or wait in car in the evenings. Sunday morning is when I ride while DH babysits! But my mother and sister still routinely grill me about riding and it is a bit of a guilty secret! Perhaps they are envious that we manage to carve out some time for ourselves - my mum and sis don't have any hobbies s can't understand

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 01/04/2011 10:24

Thanks for messages on here?

(not related- but Annieapple - your dh babysits his own kids?? Shock )

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 01/04/2011 10:25

Annieapple, sorry didnt mean to sound harsh there.
Yes i think my mum and sis grill me as they just dont believe i SHOULD have any hobbies away from my dc!

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 01/04/2011 10:36

I think the issue is that your family, for whatever reason, have this idea that mothers should never do anything for their own benefit. Probably your mum wasn't allowed any hobbies or interests by your father - or she was one of these martyr-mothers who don't see why other women should have any fun when she didn't. You need to stick to your guns here and maybe sort out other childcare arrangements for those two evenings (do any of the other women at the yard have teenagers who would accept a few quid for amusing your DC for an hour twice a week, for instance?).

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 03/04/2011 15:22

Rent a field, and get DCs a pony. I can't believe you don't have them involved already. Mine have been since they were 4 and 7. I have this from my family all the time. SIL has her own horse and this is ok. It's cost her hundreds in vets bills, (which she has borrowed from her dad) still ok. She has a partner and 2 step DCs. still not a problem. I have 3 small ponies, together they cost miles less than her one. DD is happy and her confidence in herself is rocketing, I'm active, DP isn't bothered. But I'm the most unreasonable person in the world. Almost an unfit parent. I don't take any notice whatsoever. Nobody ever babysits for us, I've never borrowed a penny from anyone, and they never get involved. So stuff them!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 04/04/2011 19:51

i dont have the dc involved as they are scared of my horse - she rolled when ds (6) was sitting on her last summer (he managed to scamper off just in time), and when dd rode her, she tripped and landed on top of dd, although thankfully she wasnt hurt too badly. She also stood on dd's foot and fractured it Blush
Now the dc wont go anywhere near her even though dd loves ponies and has riding lessons elsewhere!
Also my mare is a TB and has to be stabled at night, and i have had real trouble finding a single stable to rent.

OP posts:
ManateeEquineOhara · 04/04/2011 20:11

Maybe you could find a part loan to just make it all a bit easier - not for your family's sake, but because it is hard work having a kids, work and a horse, especially if they need stabling.

SilverSky · 18/04/2011 06:57

Why shouldn't you have time to yourself? Madness! Having my horse has kept me sane and it brightens my day!!

So would you be ok to have a bath for 45mins and your mum have the kids? People either want to babysit or they don't. I don't think it's fair that they dictate what you are allowed to do whilst they babysit?

What does she do with the DC? Plonked in front of tv?

I've got a sharer whilst preggo and shortly after I had DS by CS my sharer got sick. I was housebound so Him Indoors who is not horsey mucked out, changed rugs, turned out, did feeds/nets/water and a fellow livery brought in for me. Guess I'm lucky as he knows how long things take and so don't really get harassed by him. Tbh he knows it's pointless to even kick off.

At one point I thought about putting my horse on full loan but HI insisted we didn't and therefore the compromise is that he has to give me riding time in return (in reality this is twice a week but it's still twice a week). We don't have anyone else nearby to babysit! HI probably sees this as a small price to pay for a quiet life!!

Not long til summer. Hang in there!!!!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 18/04/2011 13:39

Thanks!
Have found a potential sharer at the moment, she is just about to do a 2week trial with my mare, so fingers crossed!
If it works out well it means i only have to do the horse at weekends, so my family will have nothing to complain about!

OP posts:
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