Frequent parent emails about anxiety

[redsquirrel07]

I teach in secondary and have a Year 7 tutor group, almost daily I receive emails from parents about their children in my form group being anxious.

I always try and respond promptly and remind them of all of the support that I've put in place such as checking in with the individual students every morning ( which can be challenging since there is a handful of them and we also have a tutor schedule that we are meant to follow!), and making sure that they know they can make use of pastoral spaces during lessons, we have a reset room that is for children who feel unsettled or dysregulated during a lesson can go there for 10 minutes, it's a quiet space and they can chat to the member of staff on duty in there if they wish. I also often email round those students teachers for that day just to make them aware that that child is feeling particularly anxious and can they keep an eye. Most of the time it seems to be general anxiety about being in school and I find myself feeling a little lost as to what else I can say other than referring them to awaiting list for external support which is very long as you can imagine. but again I don't

I'm just feeling a little tired, these parents often want calls or after school meetings to discuss strategies and there doesn't seem to be much discussion about what can be done at home or what can be done through agencies outside of school for children who were really anxious, I just feel like it's all on my shoulders to support these children and their parents despite being a full-time classroom teacher with no other responsibilities in terms of curriculum or pastoral.

My head of year is good but often refers parent concerns onto me rather than taking them from me.

I know that anxiety is increasing in society generally and I also know that it is important to support these students so that they can function in school but I can't help but feel there seems to have been a decline in resilience as well as an increased expectation on teachers to preempt and manage it all

, I suppose I'm just hoping for some experiences or any strategies to help balance this situation, I do want to support these children but equally I feel they need to be a recognition that my support a tutor is still limited due to my other responsibilities as a teacher.

Thank you in advance! 😊

You are not a parent to these students, the parents are. from what you have said you are doing more than enough and it sounds as the more you give the more the parents will take. This is a hang over from Primary (I have worked in primary) when the parents can be very demanding, especially if you have not placated their concerns

These are my suggestions - when doing the register put up on the board a word document stating what the child can do if they are feeling anxious.

When you have an email send a generic e-mail "Thank you for your email about (name). I have noted you concerns and will keep an eye on (name). If I notice anything I will not hesitate to contact you.

Then forward the mail to the HOY and the SENCO and cc the parent and put "I have received this today. I am now passing this on and I am keeping an eye on (name)

Then forward the parents e-mail to all the teachers of the child (you could set this up which would save time) and cc the parent.

If the parent then e-mails a second time then repat the process saying that I have not any feedback from staff

You have not committed your self.

Remember no e-amils after 4pm or before 8am. NONE at weekends or holidays.

I had one student (I won't go into detail) but the parents demands and Dr Internet diagnosis were so ridiculous I organised a meeting with the SENCO / HOY/ external school medical adviser - the emails stopped. One clue was he was using 17th century scientific terminology, which was a bit of a give away.

Don't forget they are not your children. The parents are not your children. You have a life and either come off social media or make you security settings very strong

Seriously if it does get too much pass everything on to the HOY that is what they get paid for.

I had one Yr 3 class who had this problem and after every play time the corridor was like the triage scene at the start of MASH, someone had hit me, someone called me a name etc etc. So my response was "Is there any blood" " Is anything broken" "Can you still walk" "OK no to all no those you're fine, go into class" After 2 weeks the class gave up. The parents didn't like me but to be honest I wasn't that bothered.

Joking aside you will know who the truly anxious ones are by observation and keep all your e-mails

@Willsmer
Thank you for taking the time to respond and to share, I really appreciate it!

I definitely agree that parents are expecting more from me than is reasonable. I do often use the 'I'll keep an eye' line, as aside from checking in with these students during tutor time, there's not much else I cam practically do other than that and referring any larger concerns to pastoral/SEN like you say. Also you're so right in saying the more I give the more they take!

My HoY before has arranged meetings after school to discuss with parents and the students, they have asked me to be there but so far I've simply said I can't. I really don't feel that I can contribute anything more beyond what I am already doing. I am not qualified to (or paid to!!) offer specialist pastoral, mental health or SEN support, and I have no authority to grant them any special arrangements like passes. I'd like to think that I am always willing to listen and to try to reassure and support the kids wherever possible, but I'm not willing to work myself into the ground trying to solve deep-rooted problems single-handedly!

I definitely need some sympathetic but non-committal email templates!

Thank you for all of your advice ❤️

I have been where you are and I have the white hair to prove it and according to various social media posts I am the worst teacher ever and / or the most evil teacher in the Universe. Two accolades of which I am very proud.

Being serious - do not go down the after school meeting route. These can go on for ages but if you have one in a PPA then it can only go on for a set amount of time After school is not directed time. If the Parents are that concerned then they will take tome off work.

Yes I am absolutely sure that you are the worst teacher ever ever. How ridiculous!

Thank you, I agree that after school lends itself to go on and on, and sets a precedent for other parents too! I'm happy to meet in the school day, although would expect my HOY to lead the meeting rather than me since it's a pastoral, school-wide issue.

Thank you for your wise words 🙂

Pass it all on to pastoral team and HoY and suggest they organise some sessions for children and parents on mental health and coping with anxiety. I agree there is a decline in resilience among many other things!

Thank you. My HoY emailed back and asked if I would like to be in the meeting with her, I said I'm happy to support as her tutor but asked that she do the meeting and feed back to me afterwards.

We have had workshops for this sort of thing in the past but they seem to run for a few sessions and then stop, probably because everyone is constantly overworked so can't commit to anything regular

Really rate the advice above. Something I generally bear in mind, as I only qualified in 2022, is that we must meet the Teachers' Standards, that's literally our job description. If it's completely outside the Standards then it's not my job.

I get a lot of this too. I reply and say "It's totally normal to be anxious about x, I've reassured your dc that they can do this and that it's good to step out of your comfort zone" I follow up with housepoints for resilience. I've walked crying y7's to hockey club, reassured them that it's not the end of the world they got told off in history, told them that it doesnxt matter if they get things wrong in French, just that they tried their best etc. 9 times out of 10 the parents had an opportunity to say the same sort of thing but instead they seem to have some sort of meltdown and make the anxiety worse. Baffling.

Just this week a parent wanted to know what her anxious child should do about an upcoming test. I told the child to revise.