Inappropriate mentor / mentee relationship in ECT years

[ConcernedECT]

Hi,
I need a bit of advice from this. In a medium-sized department, myself and one other teacher are both ECT1. We have different mentors and an induction tutor from another department (don’t ask me why).

my fellow ECT1 is a very young 23 year old, being mentored by a guy in his late 40s (nearly same age as me). It turns out they have started a sexual relationship (she came to tell me and is very excited by it). He doesn’t know that I know, although I think they are being really unsubtle. We are both in our first term of teaching.

i find the whole thing a bit distasteful- he is more than twice her age and married (possibly separated - it’s a bit unclear what the situation is). I’m also worried about the potential abuse of power given the mentor / mentee relationship and the big age difference.

i don’t know if I should say something to the induction tutor / SLT. If I do, it will be obvious it came from me and the shit will possibly hit the fan. There’s the added complication that we suspect there won’t be jobs for both of us at the end of the year (funding, always, and declining student numbers even in science subjects). She told me that he is apparently ‘going to fight hard to keep me’ (ie her, over me).

this puts me in such a bind! I wish I didn’t know they were shagging. I don’t think they have shagged in school but she mentioned he had grabbed and fondled her in one of the prep rooms at lunchtime. I told her to be super careful as students were around and you can see into that room if you look in the right way.

what would you do? Would you say anything or shut the hell up?

in my previous career this would have been hugely frowned on and probably an HR / discipline issue.

Honestly? Say nothing. This is so common in schools. It certainly wasn’t frowned upon in any school I worked in and definitely not a disciplinary matter! I can’t think of anywhere where it would be to be honest. Just keep your head down and focus on your own work. Don’t worry about the job situation at this stage either, even in the smallest science department I’ve worked in there have always been a few leaving each year.

I'd leave well alone, personally. It will all come out long before contracts for September are dished out. I'd sit back and wait for the sh*t to hit the fan, which is will (especially as you say they're not being very subtle).

Of course it's inappropriate, because he's meant to be guiding and making judgements on her professional performance (so lines are very blurred) but it's not a safeguarding issue so I'd just sit back and patiently wait for the fall out. See it as a 'not my circus, not my monkeys' situation. You just keep working hard and setting out to impress in the right ways.

She'll learn the hard way. If they split up, she won't want to stick around at this school. If they get found out, they could both face disciplinary action and it won't reflect well on her when it comes to gaining a permanent contract. One of those two things will happen before long, you just need to wait it out.

It's not a disciplinary matter for two teaching colleagues to have a sexual relationship out of school, but it would be if they are caught in a compromising position at work (which it sounds like they are risking) and he is acting unprofessionally to remain as her mentor (especially if he's going to try and swing decisions in her favour). He should declare the relationship and ask the HoD to find her a new, more appropriate, mentor who can guide her more objectively with no hidden agendas.

I don't think OP is suggesting they think the sexual relationship alone should be a disciplinary matter, just in the context of the mentor/mentee situation (although the age gap concerns they mention are irrelevant as it's two consenting adults. She is an ECT, not a student).

OP would be foolish to blow the whistle, as it would be obvious where it came from. I understand why OP fears this situation puts them at a disadvantage in terms of a permanent contract offer, but I actually think it's an advantageous situation to be in as the sh*t will hit the fan for her ECT colleague before long.

@BoleynMemories13 The OP has already stated that the mentor is from another department so I doubt school would see this as an issue. He’s unlikely to have much of a say in whether the colleague gets a job in a different department. It’s grim but the OP should not get involved. If they really are getting up to stuff in the prep room then let someone else report them.

Yes it’s not the relationship itself (although I find the age gap questionable) but more the mentor / mentee relationship continuing once they have started seeing each other.

in my previous work there were problems with older, more senior or experienced men routinely taking advantage of junior women, it’s a real industry problem, so I’m very aware of the dangers of relationships where there’s a disparity in power, wealth, experience and ‘clout’ for want of a better word.

of course, if they get caught doing anything in school the shit will hit the fan.

I would advise you to leave it alone.
Keep your head down, focus on your own work and do your best to avoid discussing it with her. If she tries to start a conversation, just politely avoid it 'sorry Anna, I must get on with this' or 'sorry, I don't feel comfortable discussing personal things at work'.

It will come out eventually- these things always do!! I have worked in schools where people have had affairs - it always comes out in the end. However, I would not want to be the person responsible for it getting out.

I can understand your concern about the job situation but it will be out before any of that is decided. Even if you don't get kept on (for whatever reason) there are plenty of Science jobs out there - I'm a science HoD and recruiting is always really difficult.

The age gap is a matter of opinion and nothing more. Consenting adults can do whatever they want outside of work. Yes we might have our own opinions, that's fine. As long as laws are not being broken, it's nobody else's business.

Absolutely do nothing. I agree that it’s professionally inappropriate given the mentor/mentee situation, and if I were him,
to cover my own arse, I would declare the relationship and have her be assigned a new mentor, but that’s his responsibility, not yours.

If they’re going to be indiscreet and make it obvious they’re in a sexual relationship in places where students can see them, they will be found out quickly. I would be very concerned about both of their professional judgement if they’re honestly fondling each other in classrooms where they can be seen by students - and the Head will probably take the same view. It will all come out in the wash before long and I can’t imagine it will end well for either of them.

Ignore it, and focus on you and getting through your ECT year. There will always be jobs in other schools - you’re a science teacher. Science teachers never need to worry about employment!

The mentor / mentee relationship is now inappropriate. The age gap is completely fine and it is a bit narrow-minded of you to be fussy about this between consenting adults.

I would agree that the mentee now needs a new mentor, as you are unlikely to fail your mentee, (if that was the case or was needed) if you are in a relationship with them! They should come clean with the relationship with the Headteacher, who should then assign another mentor to the mentee.

I once worked for a Head who was having a relationship with a member of staff and he was their line manager. He removed himself from being their line manager, and asked his deputy to become their line manager instead.

I would be telling a HR department if you have one - and the induction tutor.

Id be irritated if one of my mentors did this and I'd be swapping them out as soon as I could and I am induction tutor. If the mentor is not part of the same department - unless he's SLT he won't have any say in whether or not you stay.

It's unprofessional - and it could lead to serious problems if it goes sour.

Also - I very much doubt that if you're a science teacher that they'll get rid of you. Are you on a years contract??

The induction tutor is who makes the decision regarding passing ECT (and schools usually have one person in this senior role over trainees and new teachers, so it's not a weird don't ask me why they teach a different subject situation). It would be more of a conflict of interest if this was the relationship. A mentor is there to to support development, but is very much more just like a colleague. They don't make judgements or assess as part of the role and won't automatically have any say in appointing staff.

Sounds like an episode of Waterloo Road there OP!!

I wouldn’t say anything it’s not your place. They are both consenting adults - I agree that the priority should be the job but clearly they have others!

Just focus on your training and don’t get tangled up in this!