Family member terminally ill, I'm struggling

[Sheeparemyfriends]

Hi, not sure what to do. One of my parents is terminally ill and I'm finding a full day of teenagers too much with how I'm feeling. Worried I'm going to over react if they say something silly. Spent the whole evening in tears yesterday. Also menopausal, which isn't helping. I don't live near my parents, so can only see them at weekends, so have that guilt too. Anyone been in a similar situation whilst in school? What do you do?

When my mum was receiving end of life care I soldiered on, in part because a member of my department was already off on long term sick. This was a mistake, and a few months later I was signed off on long term sick myself. My HT was awful; her BFF was off at the same time and the difference in the way she treated us both was shocking. It made me realise I owed the school no loyalty.

I would strongly recommend that you self-certify for seven days, then get your GP to sign you off for a few weeks. Forget your teacher guilt; look after yourself and don't give school another thought.

Talk to your head - they may be able to accommodate things like being allowed to take your non contact time off site.

They can't support you if they don't know.

You may well need to be signed off.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Firstly, you could ofcourse go off sick for up to 7 days to give you some breathing space.

From there, or even straight away,
you have two choices as far as I can see. If you think you can soldier on but perhaps you need to leave at 3:30 every day, have less planning or you need to request a couple of afternoons off etc, then I would go and see your headteacher and tell them how you feel and what you need. It's totally understandable that you are finding your situation difficult and your Headteacher would have to be very cruel to not help you. If your headteacher doesn't help you, or you can't cope, see option 2, which you could start with if you feel it's the best option.

Option 2 - If you think that you really can't cope, feeling unwell and / or you want to be there for your family (totally understandable if that's the case) then see your GP, explain your situation and they will not hesitate to sign you off. Don't worry about the school. Look after you and your family. Best of luck.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through, it’s incredibly tough.

have you had a conversation with your line manager or HT and see what support that they can provide?

I can imagine it’s even tougher because the time is even more limited given your geographical distance - if the school can cover it - could you not ask if you could drop down to 3/4 days a week temporarily?
I had a colleague in my previous school where their mother was terminally ill, the mother lived in Scotland (colleagues lives in Devon) so every Friday afternoon they would be driving to Exeter Airport and flying up to Edinburgh and they would be landing back in Exeter on late Sunday night - we managed to shuffle the timetable about (SLT picked up classes) and the colleague worked Monday- Wednesday meaning that they had 4 days off.

We got to remember that we all go to work to live not the other way around!!

Thank you. I'll definitely take things easier so I can be where I need to and go to the GP if it gets unbearable

Sorry to hear about what you're going through....

My mum was suddenly put in a coma abroad in Asia while I was at work (office job not school), and I immediately phoned my boss, who understood, and took the next flight available. She passed away 5 days later.

You never know how these situations will turn out. Follow your heart and definitely look out for yourself and your family in this situation. Good luck with everything!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have absolutely been there when my Nan was dying (we were incredibly close and I was doing a lot of the caring/dealing with social care/running around etc. ).

It's absolutely brutal on its own and our job doesn't give any breathing space!!

You have had some good advice already, but some things that helped me/I wish I had done;

Please talk to your head or another member of SLT and let them know what you are going through. I literally turned up at the head's door in pieces one morning - although she couldn't fix it, she was kind, understanding and supportive which meant the world to me.

Can you tell colleagues in your department? Again, I told a couple of close colleagues and their support kept me going.

Accept all and any offers of help.

Please cut yourself some slack too! Plan a couple of lessons a week that are easy to deliver - the kids will be fine. Keep marking to an absolute minimum and do as much as possible in lesson. I prioritised marking for Y11 and 13, all other classes, I did feedback in lessons only.

Same outside of school (not sure if you have kids etc). Easy meals that require minimum prep and effort - a ready meal or something on toast won't kill anyone. Housework - do what absolutely needs doing and nothing more.

It's so, so tough going through it so make sure you take care of you ❤