Working in same school as child

[Lemonademoney]

Looking for suggestions about how to kill (kindly) a pattern I see forming at my school whereby some of the support staff feel the need to give me a character reference for my child on a daily basis. I like the team, I like the school, my kid is actually very well behaved and a kind kid, but this doesn’t appear to prevent almost constant comments about them. Poor kid can’t do right for wrong at the moment and I’m sick of hearing about it.

I feel for your child, as I was also that child at school. My mum ran the pre-school attached to the school and I couldn't breathe without her being told about it by her colleagues. Like your child, I was generally a good kid but like most kids I did had my mischievous moments. The kind of moments that are dealt with in the moment, with no need to report to parents. Yet some members of staff insisted on telling her absolutely everything.

For anything involving a group of us, she started to say "have you told the other parents that little anecdote?". They then had to admit no they hadn't, and she'd reply "if it's not considered serious enough to tell all the parents of those involved, then please don't tell me just because I work here, it's not fair on my child". That did stop it somewhat. Obviously you don't want to fall out with your colleagues, but I think you do need to be firm that they treat you and your child the same as every other child and parent in that class. If it's a serious matter they need to inform you of, do it. It's it's just a case of "you'll never guess what he said or did today" tittle tattle, you don't want to hear it as your child is allowed to experience school without every tiny little thing getting back to his parents, the same as ever other child in the class.

As above; interject quickly to ask whether other parents are also being told. Same response if other children start trying to tell you tales.

More formally, can DD's other parent attend meetings/ parents evenings? If you are ever in the situation of needing to find out more information about an incident or make a complaint, it may be easier if it can come from her other parent.

Thank you. That’s a really good way to head off the comments. It’s never ending and it’s not fair on my child or me. It does begin to feel a bit targeted too which I’m sure it’s not but when it’s endless I can’t help but start to fret and they are only little and are a lovely child. Dh has offered to do parents evening this time and I may take him up on it.

I was a child in this situation at secondary and it was properly weird. The male teachers who had a bit of a thing for my Mum used to flirt with me too, and I was totally not that kind of person. I was glad when I got to university and could be myself without living in the shadow of someone else's fame, so to speak.

Is being in a different school an option? My mum had actually left before I started but it didn't help. The other teachers were still very entranced by the memory of her. It would have been easier to be somewhere where she was not known.

I think you have to assume that your presence in the school is also affecting how the other adults deal with your child, and while your child will know that, they may not be able to express to you what is happening.

Thank you. It is something I’ve considered but it is a lovely school with strong connections for both of us.

This is was me at the beginning of this term, mine have been in school with me since nursery but the last 18 months have been awful, not wanting to go into school, crying. upset because they were unhappy, hearing the little comments always negative but never telling the other parents. They did 2 days at the start of term and I moved them. It is the best thing that I have done for them. They are running into school smiling and coming out the happiest I have seen them in years.

This is highly frowned upon at my school. Staff members are not allowed to do so and must remain professional. This was reiterated to us on staff induction...could you speak to your line manager?