My husband newly qualified maths teacher after 36 years has just left us. The day after completing his year-long training.

[BandA6907]

He told our daughter, that he was going out to get some juice and without saying goodbye he left and never came back. He hasn't called our daughter once, he's not answering any of our calls.I fully supported him throughout this very stressful year, acknowledging how demanding and intense the maths training was for him (58 years old), he wanted to leave the course before putting in his final pgse, he felt burned out. Previously he was working on and off as an accountant and as a Tesco's driver. He's always had financial problems throughout his life and I have always helped him out paying off his loans. I've bought him a new car just a few months ago. Transferred into his account £1000 only a few days before him leaving us. He has ccj. He forged my signature to fraudulently obtain loans. He has in the past put his fist through the wall. I'm numb. I'm not sure if I'm abused, manipulated or if this is normal. We are distraught, our daughter is unconsolable. We live in a town were I feel everyone knows what is going on. The school were he will be teaching in September is close to our home. How can one year of teacher training change some one so much.

I’m so sorry! Just to clarify- has he said he has left you? How old is your daughter?

I'm so sorry 😔 how old is your daughter? Do you have anyone around to support? Family/friends?

Is this behaviour out of character? Has anyone else heard from him e.g. his family or friends? I am just wondering if he has had some sort of breakdown following the stress of the training year? Does he have a job for September? If so, how does he feel about that?

Obviously, your answers to the above will help to decide next steps.

If it's out of character, no one has heard from him etc, then I would be concerned and report him missing.

If not, focus on sorting things for you and your daughter.

Sorry just seen he has a job.

If he didn't behave like this before the course, I would be worried about his mental state (not excusing his behaviour but just thinking that could be the reason).

I'm so sorry this is happening. My first thoughts are actually concern for him. My mental health was very poor during my PGCE year. I was a mature student and it was shocking the impact this one year made to me. If he has given no indication that this was planned, please be concerned for his well-being and contact the police.

Wishing you all the best for the future xx

I am so sorry that doing the PGCE has broken him, but it sounds like he had a lot of troubles beforehand and was not honest with you regarding money. This is not normal. Forging your signature for loans and putting his fist through walls is not normal at all. Firstly, I would contact the police and report him missing - I would be very concerned for his mental health. If it becomes clear he is not returning to school in September, I would then contact the school and give them the heads up. Is he in a union? He may have to be careful here that he doesn't get sued for breach of contract...he may be able to get out of it on grounds of mental health, I don't know. Don't worry about what anyone else in the town thinks, Concentrate on you and your daughter. This doesn't sound like a happy or healthy marriage, so I would see this as time to end the relationship. Good luck.

I’m so sorry that you are in this position. I would honestly contact the police. Whether that is to request a welfare check or to press charges for his financial fraud is up to you.

He has 'previously' / 'always...in his life' / 'in the past':

• Been financially irresponsible
• Lied
• Behaved aggressively and violently
• Manipulated and used you

And now he's fucked off and done this. I don't think that's do so with 9 months of training to teach.

10 days now, since he left us. My darling daughter was planning to go off to uni this September, however now she's not even looking forward to her A-level results. She's seeing a counsellor to support her. She's and I both are apparently suffering from what is called Ambiguous Loss.
I'm thinking of letting the school know about him. Would he really be able to teach? Considering what is moral ethics are.

@BandA6907 @BandA69007 FYI - you've used two different accounts.

Have you heard from him at all? Or know of his whereabouts through family or friends? If not, have you contacted the police?

Things that should mean you are concerned for his mental wellbeing:

• he left you and your daughter without saying goodbye and hasn't been seen since
• he hasn't contacted your daughter
• he's not returning your calls
• he wanted to leave the course
• he felt burned out
• financial difficulties

Things that have happened within your relationship:

• you supported him through a stressful year
• he's always had financial problems
• you've always helped him financially
• you bought him a new car
• you transferred money into his account
• he put his fist through a wall (this is something that you might want to be taken further)

Things that he has done:

• he worked as an accountant
• he worked as a Tesco's driver

Things that he has done that you could take to the appropriate authorities (this could include a professional body such as ICAEW or ACCA, for example, the police or Action Fraud):

• has a ccj
• forged your signature
• obtained loans fraudulently

The only reasons I can see for you to contact the school would be following contact with the authorities to alert them to potential misconduct as a teacher, or because you are concerned for his well-being. If you contact the school, I suggest you contact the headteacher directly.

If you were to contact the school for any other reason, I think it would be deemed inappropriate.

It would be great to hear that he is safe and well. I'm really sorry that you are going through this - please reach out to the experts for guidance on how to navigate his fraudulent activity as you really need accurate legal advice:

https://www.actionfraud.police.uk/