Ugh - things are rubbish

[bloomingcrapday]

So many things going on, I couldn’t fit them in the title.

It feels like every week my new HOD wants ‘a word’ where she very cleverly makes me feel crap but in such a way that it’s hard to defend myself. She will start by asking if I’m OK. No really, am I OK? Do I need any support? Then when I’m completely bemused she tells me what the problem is.

It is never anything big but it’s making me feel as if I’m being watched and as if I’m doing a really awful job. I know what schools are like and I am starting to worry I’m being singled out. Normally I’d just get another job but it’s not easy - I have very young children and I need something both part time and close to home.

I don’t know what to do. I feel a bit discriminated against for being part time - is it worth raising this with the union? Are they actually much help?

So many managers arrogantly enjoy telling people where they are going wrong. In my school, we get everything checked. I recently had some of my books checked, only for them to be nitpicked, saying a date wasn't underlined, a child hadn't responded to marking, one child hadn't produced as much as expected blah blah blah. Then I had a sneaky look at my manager's books one evening when they had gone home (you know, just to learn from their "excellence"), only to find their books sparsely marked, some pieces of work not marked at all, dates not underlined, poor productivity, some very untidy.

One rule for them, one rule for us. You just feel like telling them to f off, you're not all that. Sort your own books out before criticising others. So I hear you. It's dam annoying.

It’s tempting! It’s really getting on my nerves now and it’s spoiling my job.

Start looking for other jobs for September and let them know you're p!ssed off. They might then back off.

Ask her what she can do to support you. And start looking for something else.

Knowing what their books are like, I'd be tempted to ask them to show you them to give you a good example and show where you're going wrong.

I don’t want her support though - or any support to be honest. I am doing my job and doing it well.

I would love a new job but I’m the main carer at home so it’s hard finding something around children.

You could start bringing a notepad and pen to record her advice. Then you have something to refer back to (worst case scenario ) or she might change her mind about having constant quiet words.

All very demoralising, but it will pass….

Is there any way of finding out if she asks other staff the same questions....are you ok, are you really ok?? etc etc. I am just thinking that she might think she is coming across as empathic and then she brings in the more critical stuff. And that it might not be just you that she does this with, she may have decided this is a great way to manage. She sounds like a dick OP. You do you. You could also reflect back to her and ask if she is ok but that might be a little cheeky.

By asking for support I really meant reflecting it back at her, e.g. It would really support me to observe some of your lessons/ see your planning for this term/ look at your class's books etc. It would be interesting to see how she reacts to that, especially if you keep repeating it every time she offers support.

Is she sending you written records of these meetings in email? If so, then that's definitely a red flag. I've just been in a similar situation and it hasn't ended well - I've had to get out for my own mental health. I feel like my card was marked from early on and it was a case of just accumulating evidence to make me look bad. I thought I could prove I'm a good teacher, but I realise now I was being very naive and I wish I'd engaged with the union earlier. Mine started with a similar question "Are you OK? Do you need any support?" I feel like it's a script they use so that they can say later that they offered you support.

OP I can sympathise as I was in the same situation last year. I had 20 years of experience behind me yet nothing was ever good enough. She did the whole asking what was wrong and then telling me what I’d done wrong as well. She would always catch me for a ‘chat’ about the latest issue on a Friday evening to spoil my weekend. The last Friday I was there I deliberately had my coat and bag ready when the bell went (with the hope of avoiding her!) and she was at my door as the kids were leaving. I refused to speak to her and said I was in a rush but the worrying about what she would come up with ruined my weekend anyway.
She made my life hell and I ended up off sick and didn’t go back. My confidence was destroyed and still is. There was no support with behaviour and she made it clear she didn’t value part time teachers and saw them as inferior to full time teachers. The head thought the sun shone out of her arse so I had absolutely no support. The union were good but once I raised a grievance, unfortunately due to the backing of the worse the bullying increased. I would have an unofficial chat with your union rep but you might have to accept that it could result in you having to leave if it gets unpleasant.

@Candelabra75
That’s exactly what I experienced too. I had emails saying ‘as discussed the following support will be put in place’ etc
The support never happened but it didn’t stop the head producing them in a meeting to back up their argument ‘well we have offered you lots of support’ Fortunately I took my planner to the meeting so was able to prove that my timetable hadn’t been changed as claimed, evidence that planned meetings hadn’t happened etc. I too thought I could show them I was a good teacher etc but if your face doesn’t fit in a school then sadly there’s nothing you can do. It didn’t end well for me either.

I tried this and got told she didn’t have any classes like mine so it ‘wouldn’t be useful’ She wasn’t wrong there, she creamed off all the top sets for herself and gave me all the bottom sets. Instead she sent me to observe another colleague who was ‘great with the bottom sets’ and gets no behaviour issues. I soon discovered why, the kids were sat where they wanted, several around the one table in one case, they were playing card games, putting make up on and playing games on their phones. She was trying to teach but they were talking over her and not doing any work. She did not address this at all! I was absolutely gobsmacked. Just before I left this teacher got a promotion too! You couldn’t make that shit up! 😂

How do you know that she is not just checking in on her team as most line managers would? As a new HoD, she is likely wanting to make a lasting impression and be seen to be a 'hands on leader' - which has its benefits but also can be seen as micro managing.

Could you talk to a colleague in your department who you know/trust won't feed back to your HoD and ask them how they are being treated? You will then know if you are being singled out.

Some would be direct and ask if there is an issue... you could do that if you feel comfortable in doing so?