Panicking! Student cried on me

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

So essentially kids were messing around, I told them to stop. A very well behaved student was messing around so I said “(insert child’s name) I’ve asked you to stop being silly. Now that’s not good behaviour is it” that child is always well behaved but they then burst into tears.

I had a quick word with them and said I’m sorry and I don’t want you upset but if I’m telling everyone else I can’t just ignore your poor behaviour.

Now all I’ve done is worry that the parents are going to hear another story. Can’t say I’ve ever made any of my students cry before so any advice would be appreciated here. I imagine I need to expect the parent call too.

Children often cry. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong, it’s just their reaction to an emotion - shock, shame, anger. It could be anything. Maybe I’m really harsh because I’m shocked that you’ve never had a child cry on you before?

I’m a softie. I hate it when I make anyone cry. Can’t do it! Most child I’ve taught get told off due to poor behaviour. This child was well behaved but just had a hiccup. I said I was sorry I was literally consumed by guilt when I saw tears. I’m not a mother but I generally don’t like seeing any child cry it upsets me.

"Consumed by guilt" is a bit much!

I'd have made a pre-emptive call home though.

Nope, it’s not a bit much. It’s how I felt at the time. I appreciate you advising me on how to feel though. Thank you for that🙂

I'm assuming you haven't been teaching long, and you maybe teach in secondary or upper KS2? As an infant teacher, this would be water off a ducks back!

I wouldn't fret about a phone call. The child is highly unlikely to admit to their parents that they were messing around. If the parents do make a complaint, you need to be firm and stand your ground. Explain that, while the behaviour was out of character, it was unacceptable and therefore a sanction was issued in accordance to the behaviour policy. Absolutely don't apologise!

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to grow a backbone and learn that emotional kids come with the territory. You're not there to be their friend. If they cried, it was because of their actions, not anything you did. Do not waste your time being 'consumed with guilt' over something which is the bread and butter of the job (discipline). Otherwise, you risk kids walking all over you. If ever it happens again, you do not apologise for making them cry (you did not make them cry, the realisation that their actions have got them into trouble did). Simply say "I can see you're upset, and that's an understandable reaction to realising you have broken the rules. You will learn from this". You're acknowledging it's ok to cry. You're not admitting any fault (as none lies at your door).

Keep your head up and move on. Next time you see this pupil, treat them as you always have. Show them you have completely moved on, no hard feelings, and they will too.

I wouldn’t sweat it- children can be emotional and I’ve taught for 12 years and lost count of the amount of times children have cried because I’ve had to speak to them about their behaviour.
I say this kindly but I think the only thing you did wrong was apologise to her afterwards- you need to have conviction with your actions. She was misbehaving and needed to be told. You following it with an apology makes it look like you were in the wrong when you absolutely weren’t. Be strong!

Parents complain all the time about nothing.
You need to treat the kids all the same with a fresh slate everyday. You shouldn't be making allowances for a kid who is normally good! That is unfair to the others

How old were the DC? Primary age kids can be tearful over something little for a lot of reasons. Often for example if they are hungry, tired, or feeling a little unwell

My clsss (y2) cry a lot have a very emotional class.

sometimes they are shocked when they get told off when they usually don’t, it’s life. I always have a follow up conversation and say you understand why I had to speak to you about x y z? Get them to tell me why they think I did etc that way I can explain my reasons clearly when it’s calmer and they aren’t upset, I remind the class/school rules are for everyone and we must follow them etc, I say things like I can see that upset you and i understand why that would but you know why we have rules etc