Am I too soft? What should I do?

[tiredflamingos]

Sorry in advance for the length of this. I'd really appreciate some help.
I'm a TA, studying to be a teacher. I'm so passionate about making children feel loved and safe. I love working with the kids and have built amazing relationships with them; they really trust me and tell me things they feel they can't tell other adults. But I feel like some of them think they can take the mick with me.
Sometimes it's small things like cheekily asking for something the teacher said no to because they think I'll say yes (I don't) but other times the more difficult children completely ignore me when I'm trying to get them to behave. These children often ignore other staff too but I feel like they ignore me more.
I'm in my mid-late 20s but do look like a teenager, so I feel like this might explain a little bit of why this is but not all of it.

I taught my first phonics class today with some KS1s and feel completely defeated. Half the group felt as if they could just talk over me or mess about instead of working. I used the usual tactics other staff use but I must be doing something wrong.
Could anyone please give me some advice? I had a probation meeting a few days ago and the head said I'm doing absolutely amazing but she hasn't been around when I've been in these situations. I'm embarrased and feel like a complete failure and like I don't have enough control over some of these children. I love how much the kids enjoy being around me but I don't want to end up known as the TA that students can walk over.

I'm a secondary teacher in my 20s who looks young for her age. I have definitely gone from someone who was known for being soft to someone who the kids complain about 🤣

What seems to have worked well for me personally is -

(1) always follow through on any reward or consequence - it can be hard to remember and an effort to maintain every single lesson but once they see you mean what you say your words seem to hold more weight

(2) don't give them chance to argue back - I know you work with younger kids so might be less of an issue, but I don't entertain any backchat and shut it down if they try

(3) sweat the small stuff - underlining dates, uniform, completing work, presentation etc - taking more care of themselves and their work seems to have a positive effect on their behaviour

I hope this helps. I'm no guru but these are just things that have worked for me 😊 I'm sorry if these don't easily transfer to your age group, I may be totally missing the mark xx

It’s hard to get that authoritative stance, particularly if they know you as a TA. Slowing down your speech helps. The phrase ‘what should you be doing now?’ Is one I used, accompanied by a Paddington Bear stare. If you act like you are absolutely in charge, with a very firm, but kind and consistent manner, they’ll eventually get the message. You’ll get it!

Remember there is an authority that will come with being their actual teacher instead of a student teacher..it comes with the job . Just like a young policeman can stop the traffic on day one as the authority comes with the job.
Don't try to be the popular one, the one they tell things to etc. Keep a slight distance and hold your ground. It's a different role to TA but it will take time to transition across. Teachers who are teaching years can have difficulty holding a class full attention for a whole session so don't beat yourself up. It's good the principal is happy as not much passes them by so you are doing better than you think.

I've been teaching for nearly 20 years and I keep telling our younger colleagues that they need to "fake it till they make it'. Walk into that room with the belief that they will behave, they will be great and will amaze you.
When I get pulled for cover, I tell them how excited I am to be teaching them, that their teacher has told me how brilliant they are, etc. It tends to work. I have been at my school for several years and most kids have at least heard of me. It's a big school. They know not to piss about with me but my classes usually also say that my lessons are fun.
I tend to use three strikes. On the third, they are out and I'll contact their parents. (And I bloody well do, whether they are in my class or not. Our parents are luckily quite supportive in most cases and would be mortified to have to talk to me about poor behaviour of their offspring.)

I'm probably changing schools in the summer so will have a whole new batch of classes to walk into. (Changing from primary to secondary.)

I am a lot older than you and a TA at a primary. Funnily enough, I was thinking about how I hadn't had my best day today round children...crowd control in particular! I cover sometimes and am aware that I seem to lack gravitas. It is something I need to work on.
Sometimes I walk into a room and I think the kids look at me and think ahh...Ms Dizzy...I'll wait for the proper grownup!