Parental complaints

LouH5 · 18/10/2024 21:44

Not that I wish it on anyone else, but I’m so glad it’s not just me!

I’ve taught for 14 years and had the odd complaint over the years but nothing too major or memorable, but since the start of this school year there have been an unbelievable amount, all about such ridiculous things! The timing of them has also really got to me, they’ve been sending messages via the school app and then during my teaching day I get the messages sent on “Can Miss Smith ring me ASAP” and then I feel on edge all morning until I get a chance to call, wondering what it’s about. I was home by 5pm a couple of days ago and got an email from the deputy about a parent who had just rang the school wanting to speak to me, but I’d already left, about something ridiculous and out of my control. The deputy let me know that the parent has been aggressive about me, had pacified her, but I needed to call mum back the next day. I felt sick all night over it, it totally ruined my evening as I was worried about what mums manner with me was going to be like.

It really does feel like it’s getting worse, I hate it!

PrimaryTeacherabc · 18/10/2024 22:55

My Headteacher told us that the local authority has had a record number of parental complaints since September. You simply can't teach and children can't learn if bad behaviour is happening. Parents do not understand this, and complain the minute their little darling is put right and "told off". Headteachers are also indirectly encouraging these complaints because they are tickling their bellies rather than telling them their little darling is naughty, needs telling off and needs sorting out. Shock horror, actually telling a parent the truth.

It's getting worse and worse. Teachers are unable to teach, police are unable to police because of this rapid shift to a no consequence society. Headteachers advocating this style, and not standing up to this nonsense, hold your heads in shame. Behaviour is atrocious in many schools and society. Society is, and will completely fall apart.

MrBirling · 19/10/2024 06:34

Yes totally agree. I've been teaching for more than 20 years and dealing with parents was never this bad. My headteacher has actually recognised the issue and is collating details of those difficult parents. To mitigate the horrible phone calls I try and make a phone call home to praise a child. It's so much nicer so I do it after any other calls.

BG2015 · 19/10/2024 08:29

Totally agree with all of this! We have been in school for 7 weeks and have had so many annoyed, disgruntled moaning parents.

One parent has moaned this week (not my class but I did teach the lesson) because her child (who is very able and certainly in the top part of the class ability wise) was expected ( by her class teacher) to complete the greater depth task. She felt we were putting unnecessary pressure on her and as a result it was affecting her mental health. This child (& many others) did the work and completed the GD task really well.

Also had parents moaning about lost cardigans and jumpers (with no name in them).

As one of my colleagues said 'this is what sucks the joy out of teaching.'

Hihosilver123 · 19/10/2024 10:18

Yes, this situation has got much worse since COVID. Some parents have lost the ability to trust the school and let them get on with it. Some families drain so much of our time, unnecessarily. Very needy behaviours. I remember when was a child, my mother just shoved me through the door and that was that.

Original poster

Shezzasmull · 19/10/2024 10:34

I think the idea of following a horrible interaction with a positive one is a great idea. Thank you.

I agree. Since Covid it's much worse.

OP posts:

Hihosilver123 · 19/10/2024 13:26

As for the lost uniform thing - it drives me mad! Parents saying ‘somebody has STOLEN their coat’ 🙄 No, it’s on the floor in the cloakroom where they dropped it. Or, it’s in the lost property box with a name written in biro which has faded in the wash.

BraOffPjsOn · 19/10/2024 14:24

I’ve had parents telling their child has been worrying and crying about maths and PE - I’ve reassured parents and child they’re doing really well/only do what you can and making sure I get round to the child in maths (who is perfectly fine and able and happy in school).
This has taken up so much time though when I’ve got a class with alot of unmet needs and most of the week I’m trying to teach a class and be a 1:1 to a child with ASC who is struggling.
Im aware that the confidence of the other kids is taking a hit because they get not a lot of support in lessons but I just don’t know what else to do.

Kids’ emotional needs and mental health doesn’t seem to cope well with the expectations and curriculum but I also think parents need to teach their children some resilience.

BraOffPjsOn · 19/10/2024 14:24

Hihosilver123 · 19/10/2024 13:26

As for the lost uniform thing - it drives me mad! Parents saying ‘somebody has STOLEN their coat’ 🙄 No, it’s on the floor in the cloakroom where they dropped it. Or, it’s in the lost property box with a name written in biro which has faded in the wash.

’Does it have your name in?’
‘No’

Ah not my problem then!

BoleynMemories13 · 21/10/2024 06:39

Aggressive complaints sadly seem the way of the world now in every profession. People act so entitled these days and don't seem afraid to take their anger out on someone else who isn't actually responsible for the problem. I see people yelling at cashiers over the price of certain items, or because something is out of stock. Yes, because that's really the fault of the person manning the checkout... 🙄

The SEN thing is sadly an ongoing problem as SEN provision and funding is currently the worst it's ever been. Children are being failed left right and centre but so many don't seem to understand that it's not necessarily the individual teacher or even school's fault if their child isn't receiving the level of support they require. I see it all the time on the primary ed board, where people are jumping straight in with comments like "you need to kick off at the school, they're failing your child", or 'report them to OFSTED, I bet they'll soon find the time to support your child then" etc. I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle advocating for schools in terms of how their hands are so tied when it comes to lack of funding. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of parents out there of SEN children who do get it, because they're living it, but it's those on the outside who really don't and the complaint and blame culture is so strong these days that it's the first thing people jump in with to advise - "you need to kick off". Charming isn't it?

Likewise, all minor spats between children are automatically labelled as bullying these days. We deal with this daily in Reception. No, your 4 year old is not being bullied because they were hit during a squabble over a toy. That's what 4 year olds do. We're working on negotiation skills and strategies with the whole class, but that's the stage of emotional development they're at. It's amazing how many parents will happily forever more label a 4 year old a bully though, because they once hit their precious child.

If an item goes missing, we are responsible. "You've lost his jumper". I respond with "I'm sorry he has misplaced his jumper, does it have his name in it?". No but I know what it looks like as it doesn't have a school badge, it's age 4-5 from Tesco (just like half of the jumpers in this classroom then 🙄 ). You need to find it". Me, smiling sweetly "we'll keep an eye out, and you're welcome to check lost property, but without a name I'm afraid it might makes it more difficult to locate". Them, "you better find it otherwise you're paying for another one. I can't believe you guys have lost it already, he's only been here a week". I mean, it's not like we tell them 20 times over about the importance of labelling their child's clothes or anything...🤷‍♀️

Honestly, the parents are often harder work than the kids!

Bubblebuttress · 21/10/2024 06:42

Don’t forget there are class WhatsApp groups fueling mob behaviour. If one parent says ‘I’m going to write a pretty aggressive complaint’, others may follow

Hihosilver123 · 21/10/2024 19:04

BoleynMemories13 · 21/10/2024 06:39

Aggressive complaints sadly seem the way of the world now in every profession. People act so entitled these days and don't seem afraid to take their anger out on someone else who isn't actually responsible for the problem. I see people yelling at cashiers over the price of certain items, or because something is out of stock. Yes, because that's really the fault of the person manning the checkout... 🙄

The SEN thing is sadly an ongoing problem as SEN provision and funding is currently the worst it's ever been. Children are being failed left right and centre but so many don't seem to understand that it's not necessarily the individual teacher or even school's fault if their child isn't receiving the level of support they require. I see it all the time on the primary ed board, where people are jumping straight in with comments like "you need to kick off at the school, they're failing your child", or 'report them to OFSTED, I bet they'll soon find the time to support your child then" etc. I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle advocating for schools in terms of how their hands are so tied when it comes to lack of funding. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of parents out there of SEN children who do get it, because they're living it, but it's those on the outside who really don't and the complaint and blame culture is so strong these days that it's the first thing people jump in with to advise - "you need to kick off". Charming isn't it?

Likewise, all minor spats between children are automatically labelled as bullying these days. We deal with this daily in Reception. No, your 4 year old is not being bullied because they were hit during a squabble over a toy. That's what 4 year olds do. We're working on negotiation skills and strategies with the whole class, but that's the stage of emotional development they're at. It's amazing how many parents will happily forever more label a 4 year old a bully though, because they once hit their precious child.

If an item goes missing, we are responsible. "You've lost his jumper". I respond with "I'm sorry he has misplaced his jumper, does it have his name in it?". No but I know what it looks like as it doesn't have a school badge, it's age 4-5 from Tesco (just like half of the jumpers in this classroom then 🙄 ). You need to find it". Me, smiling sweetly "we'll keep an eye out, and you're welcome to check lost property, but without a name I'm afraid it might makes it more difficult to locate". Them, "you better find it otherwise you're paying for another one. I can't believe you guys have lost it already, he's only been here a week". I mean, it's not like we tell them 20 times over about the importance of labelling their child's clothes or anything...🤷‍♀️

Honestly, the parents are often harder work than the kids!

This, with knobs on.

These type of parents do their children no favours. Poor parenting.

cassgate · 22/10/2024 17:15

We have a black bin bag full of lost property accumulated since beginning of term. By the end of summer term last year We had 4 full black bin bags just from KS2. We kept the logo stuff and donated to the PTA towards a second hand uniform sale the rest was binned.

winewolfhowls · 23/10/2024 08:29

Definitely the class WhatsApp to blame! Mob mentality at it's finest. My son is in primary and this was a real eye opener for me having only taught older students.

In secondary there seems to be a reluctance to let kids be independent and or resilient. Paul is off today because the bus didn't turn up, er well catch the public bus that takes the same route!

Cat2488 · 30/12/2024 14:00

Shezzasmull · 18/10/2024 20:56

I've been teaching a long time.

In the first ten years I dealt with maybe one or two issues with parents.

In the last week I've dealt with five truly awful, personal, aggressive and misinformed emails from parents that have upset many staff. This is becoming normal.

The amount of time this takes from teaching and learning, not to mention the impact on staff's mental health.

I can't fix funding for children with SEND or speed up waiting lists. I can't give solely individual attention to one child throughout the day when I have a class of 30+. I can't provide multiple interventions for every child. I cannot spend hours unpicking and then informing all parents of every minor disagreement. I have no input on staffing allocation,

Anyone else? I'm frequently on the verge of tears.

The uk is in a very bad place and everyone is becoming a punching bag for very angry uk residents. To reassure you , teachers are not the only ones receiving this. I think however teachers should start striking again but not over wages , for change . For funding ,.for structural change , that benefits everyone.
The facts are something has to change and the uk government is ignoring it letting society take the brunt and turn on one another. If change isn't an option I'd quit and start being a private tutor or something else.
They will soon listen when there are no teachers anymore.

Hihosilver123 · 31/12/2024 09:33

BoleynMemories13 · 21/10/2024 06:39

Aggressive complaints sadly seem the way of the world now in every profession. People act so entitled these days and don't seem afraid to take their anger out on someone else who isn't actually responsible for the problem. I see people yelling at cashiers over the price of certain items, or because something is out of stock. Yes, because that's really the fault of the person manning the checkout... 🙄

The SEN thing is sadly an ongoing problem as SEN provision and funding is currently the worst it's ever been. Children are being failed left right and centre but so many don't seem to understand that it's not necessarily the individual teacher or even school's fault if their child isn't receiving the level of support they require. I see it all the time on the primary ed board, where people are jumping straight in with comments like "you need to kick off at the school, they're failing your child", or 'report them to OFSTED, I bet they'll soon find the time to support your child then" etc. I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle advocating for schools in terms of how their hands are so tied when it comes to lack of funding. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of parents out there of SEN children who do get it, because they're living it, but it's those on the outside who really don't and the complaint and blame culture is so strong these days that it's the first thing people jump in with to advise - "you need to kick off". Charming isn't it?

Likewise, all minor spats between children are automatically labelled as bullying these days. We deal with this daily in Reception. No, your 4 year old is not being bullied because they were hit during a squabble over a toy. That's what 4 year olds do. We're working on negotiation skills and strategies with the whole class, but that's the stage of emotional development they're at. It's amazing how many parents will happily forever more label a 4 year old a bully though, because they once hit their precious child.

If an item goes missing, we are responsible. "You've lost his jumper". I respond with "I'm sorry he has misplaced his jumper, does it have his name in it?". No but I know what it looks like as it doesn't have a school badge, it's age 4-5 from Tesco (just like half of the jumpers in this classroom then 🙄 ). You need to find it". Me, smiling sweetly "we'll keep an eye out, and you're welcome to check lost property, but without a name I'm afraid it might makes it more difficult to locate". Them, "you better find it otherwise you're paying for another one. I can't believe you guys have lost it already, he's only been here a week". I mean, it's not like we tell them 20 times over about the importance of labelling their child's clothes or anything...🤷‍♀️

Honestly, the parents are often harder work than the kids!

Well put - I relate to all of this. I also find it depressing reading the primary threads with incorrect advice - ‘kick off’, complain to governors/OFSTED, school is failing your child etc. I guess if you read that sort of thing again and again via social media, you begin to think that it’s the right way to behave.

As for the ‘my child is being bullied and the school is doing nothing about it’ - don’t get me started…….