Am I bullied by a parent?

[Nihal83]

Good evening all,
I am after an advice and there are colleagues in this group I’m posting anonymously.
I am teacher in ks2 and since the beginning of the year I’m having to deal with parents complaints. First it was about our PSHE lesson on different types of families and in this lesson the word “transgender” was mentioned in one of the scenario cards. This particular parent made a huge fuss and contacted my phase and insisted on a meeting with myself, HT and DHT and it was dealt with by my HT.
Today, 3 different parents complained about things like I have chosen a random literacy book to model how to edit and improve a piece of writing. I didn’t share with class who’s book it was as I didn’t want to embarrass or upset anyone however, this child went home and told her mum that I picked on her work and told everyone in class it wasn’t good enough.
Another parent complained because I told him his handwriting was too messy which made him feel very embarrassed and now he is not sleeping at night and feeling anxious coming to school.
The parent I have mentioned earlier who complained about the PSHE lesson also complained that when children were having their flu nasal spray one child said “I feel sorry for those having the spray done” according to this child my response was “I feel sorry for those who doesn’t have it done” what I said was some people chose to have it done, some don’t. I for example have flu jab to protect myself against viruses. Now although I haven’t said such a thing I do not understand what the big deal is even if I had said that.
I feel like I am being targeted, they making a massive deal out of nothing. Everything I have mentioned above, I don’t think I have done anything extraordinary. Now I feel anxious and on edge, I feel like I need to think twice saying anything to these children.
What would you do if you were in my situation?
Would that have an impact on my job?

Urgh this is dreadful isn't it poor you

Modelling using a child's book is good and standard practice. You need your LM to clarify whether or not you continue doing this.

As for the flu spray it's utter nonsense that they are saying this. They are trying to gas light you. So just stick to your guns and deny it.

It may be three isolated incidents. It seems like a bit of a witch hunt which can be hard to shake. Parents in every time there is a "concern" shared.

I'm glad I'm not primary as the dreaded what app parents chat can get vitriolic.

have these come directly to you? We get very few as they are fielded by our pastoral team- we are lucky.

Sorry.

This is why I'm leaving, after 28 years I'm sick of the stupid parent comments.

Thanks @liquidsquidli. These directly went to my HT which is why I feel that I’m being targeted. All these issues raised by parents are so minor and they could’ve have approached me to clarify things first, however, they have chosen to go the HT. I have been at my school for 10 years and I’m really worried about my future here. I love working there but I feel like if this continues I may not be able to cope. I feel like I have to think twice about what I say which obviously will have an impact on teaching. My HT spoke to me about all three complaints on Friday after school, I have asked her what she would advise me to do and all she said was “this is a tricky one after hearing both sides. I just wanted to let you know because we have parents evening coming up” so I’m super confused with her response, is she trying to say be ready they will be coming on heavy? Is she on my side or not? It’s the weekend and I haven’t been able to relax

@BG2015 I wish I was in a position to leave. I’m on UPS o it’s very difficult to find a job where they will pay me the same amount. With such a low budget schools rather employ ECT. I totally agree, I feel like school are all about keeping parents happy not about children’s education

Oh that's so rubbish I can see it's a dilemma

Can you clarify did she tell you about all three at once? Or had she spoken about them individually and has now brought it up again.

She is being very ambiguous which is quite manipulative. She's heard both sides what does that mean!? I'm afraid you just have to ride this out. You cannot ask her to clarify as it sounds defensive or argumentative.

You don't need to watch what you say as you sound awesome!

But remember
YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!

The transgender incident - purchased resource so standard practice

Modelling feedback- good practice

Flu shot jibe - gaslit by a 6 year old (sorry hyperbole)

I have been there- sleepless weekend are not fun

Remember at parents evening - tits and cheese! Just make their child sound amazing. Even if they are not steer this ship as you want it.

Now do something relaxing - for me that would be very large glass of wine - and sleep tonight !!

@liquidsquidli aww thank you for your lovely message.
My HT spoke to me about all three incidents at the same time so it was very overwhelming. Unfortunately, she couldn’t advise me on what I should be doing next. All she said I am letting you know about it all because we have parents evening. Do you think I should ask my HT to sit with me during parents evening? On that note, I don’t want seem weak because I am happy to handle them on my own but at the same time I worry about these parents interpreting me differently.

This sort of shit was one of the reasons I am no longer a teacher so I can totally understand how you feel. A decent and supportive headteacher would have dealt with these non issues without you even being aware. You have done absolutely nothing wrong! I actually had a parental complaint last year because I wrote a child’s name on the board. Apparently she was traumatised, obviously bollocks. This was to remind me to ask for her book! Then another child was apparently too scared to come into school because I explained the importance of being silent during a lockdown drill. The best was me denying a students human rights because I wouldn’t let him go to the toilet, he didn’t even ask! It was his friend and the reason I didn’t let him go is because he was 30 minutes late every single lesson and had just been to the toilet when he asked. These are all secondary school age students! I was summoned to listen to all of these complaints by the head of department and was even asked to apologise to the lockdown girl! I refused and left the school soon afterwards. Unfortunately this sort of behaviour is getting more common and is being enabled by weak management in schools.

@Foostit oh wow, you haven’t had it easy. I have been working at this school for 10 years and just like everyone else I had odd few make complaints but not like this hence why i feel targeted.
You are right, unfortunately this is what it came too. I feel like my SLT just trying to please parents to have an easy life but this is affecting me, I’m questioning myself as a teacher. I’m already dreading going in tomorrow, already thinking about the complaints I’m going to get at the end of the day.

Are you in a union? Worth getting advice from them.

@jennylamb1 yes I am. I was thinking that too.

I would definitely get in touch with them, better now than when things have gone further. This is why you are in a union.

@jennylamb1 this is what I’m confused about. Do you think such a nothing issue could escalate further?

There's no harm in being informed of your options by your union, if for no other reason than for your own reassurance

@jennylamb1 Deep down I know I should but I don’t want this to escalate any further. Recently, I have had a lot to deal with in personal life and I’m already feeling extremely anxious

Your head should have dealt with it and protected you.

If you want it to die down just hold tight and ride it out. You got this.

But all you can do now is but on the best parents evening. Be as positive as you can, don't lie but don't raise any issues.