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Etiquette for telling school I'm pregnant

6 replies

prepareforharvest · 27/08/2024 18:25

I'll be 16 weeks pregnant when I go back to school on Monday and I've randomly become a bit anxious about telling them and how to proceed. Is it good practice to tell the head first? And should that be in person or is an email fine; can I just mention it on the corridor? I have no reason to think the head would be anything other than supportive but I don't know them very well and have never had to arrange a meeting with them before. Any advice on how best to proceed would be helpful to soothe my nerves!

OP posts:
shardlakem · 27/08/2024 20:22

Aww congratulations! I told my head of department after my 12 week scan but didn't get up the courage to tell the head until 20 weeks as he makes me very uncomfortable...I just arranged a quick meeting with him and told him face to face and he was very supportive.
If you need any extra support at school it's best to tell them asap so these can be put in place e.g. I asked to teach in the same room all day, have toilet breaks, not do break duty etc.

good96 · 27/08/2024 22:51

Congratulations! As a Head myself, I love it when staff come to me to tell me the good news!

I’d send an email to your HT and ask to arrange a meeting - you may need to do this through their PA.
The school will need to undertake a risk assessment so it is important that you tell them.

Depending on your relationship with your HoD, you could tell them first that you’re in the early stages of pregnancy.

They should all be happy for you and if it’s anything other than that emotion then it’s a signal that you are in a toxic school!!

MultiplaLight · 28/08/2024 06:35

I always went head first and early. (To protect you both).
I'd have told them before summer, but you can't turn back time now. (logistically timetables etc can be planned for your impending mat leave, but no one wants to change a TT in September).

Email and ask for a meeting and tell them.
They should do a risk assessment.

Tell your HOD ASAP too as they may want to move groups where possible, or start to look at adjustments for when you are gone.

Everyone should be happy for you. Congratulations!

Hihosilver123 · 29/08/2024 10:20

Congratulations! As others have said, you need to let your head know so that a risk assessment can be written. There’ll also be forms for HR. Make an appointment to meet them - it’s not really a chat in the corridor situation!

prepareforharvest · 29/08/2024 12:48

Thanks for all your responses! I know it's totally ridiculous but for some reason I get cripplingly awkward about this kind of thing. It took me about a month to tell anyone I was engaged even though logically I knew they'd just congratulate me, be happy, then not really think about it.

Weirdly I can stand in front of a room of 15 year old boys and teach them about the menstrual cycle without any concern!

OP posts:
ridl14 · 01/09/2024 11:38

Congratulations! I've just told my school about my pregnancy, went back last week at 14 weeks. I told my HOD as soon as we got back on the first INSET. I was (probably naively) expecting her to pass it onto the head, then because I had an upcoming appointment, I asked to meet with the (new) head and let her know.

I found in the time in between the two conversations, I had a lot of anxiety about coming back and being pregnant at school. Primarily for me it's been bathroom breaks, the head didn't really say anything when I brought it up but my HOD told me it's fine to go between lessons and if I need to go during class time, just give the kids an activity and step out. I then checked with her later if I should ask her to keep an eye on them (she's next door to me) and she said I can but if it feels urgent and I think the kids are fine, just go. It still feels like I'm doing something kind of illicit as I'm not used to it at all, but I ended up with chest pain and the week before had abdominal pain that they think was me not drinking enough, so I've promised DH to drink enough water and go to the bathroom when needed.

My head was great when talking about it and I felt reassured that protocol is going to be followed, ie that I'll be sent the maternity policy, that a risk assessment will be done and I can ask for cover for appointments without worrying about getting the time for them. My HOD also told me to add an extra lesson for cover requests for any appointments during the day so that there's a buffer in case of any delay.

My head and a coworker and some family have told me just to avoid lifting book boxes which I normally do all day at secondary. That's been an adjustment, so I've tried to get in the habit of asking students to take them from another classroom if needed, and if taking them across the room then taking the books out in 2 trips, then the empty box. It's funny because I've been trying to keep up with some mild strength training weekly with my DH but last week I had what verged on an anxiety attack about lifting 18kg dumbbell for goblet squats as I felt like after the summer break I was having to push my body in different ways being back at school, and I was getting really worried about something going wrong.

I say that to say, my conclusion now is I have to actively make myself slow down at school and try and build my school day around my human/health needs rather than the other way round. So if it takes me 5 minutes to walk to my playground duty when normally I'd be rushing to get there before SLT with a clipboard radios saying I've not turned up - then fine, maybe they should move me to a closer duty or not put me on it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm trying to make sure I'm drinking enough, going to the loo when needed, bringing healthy snacks to school and especially for me trying to listen to my body and slow my breathing down when I can feel myself getting stressed or anxious.

Are you also due in Feb or early March? Happy to chat more if it's helpful ☺️

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