How honest to be about home life?

[HowHonestIsTooHonest]

Name changed (for what will become obvious reasons) but I’m a regular Staffroom poster.

I’m having a horrific time at home. My eldest DC is autistic, with a PDA profile, and parenting him is hard.

Over the last 48 hours, he has called me a bitch, retard, dickhead (repeatedly, aggressively, sometimes while stood in doorway so that I can’t leave the room), thrown a mirror down the stairs, broken a cabinet, and more.

His aggression has been triggered by the simplest of requests (e.g. to empty the dishwasher) and my response has been calm and measured, even when he’s screaming in my face.

We need help, desperately, and I intend to spend tomorrow on the phone to CAMHS, GP, social services, anyone who’ll listen tbh.

My reason for posting here though, is for advice about how much to tell my headteacher. I’m head of a core department in a large secondary. I’ve had to have a fair bit of time off this year already (for my own health, and both DC’s). I don’t know whether to call tomorrow, explain everything and ask for a few days off work to try to get plans in place, or whether to keep my head down, keep my job safe, and use my gained time for the phone calls. Any advice very welcome.

Thank you

My suggestion would be to try to keep this to yourself. You’re at the start of what is likely to be quite a long journey to get your son the help he needs and therefore you may need to look at future options ie schools or attending meetings so you may want to save the good will leave until you get to that point in time.

I can’t advise but take care. My eldest is ASD - just been throw off a help into work course. (He’s in his 20s).

I was able to leave work to look after him but it wrecks your career doing that.

Thank you.

Sadly, this is not the start, but I’m not naive enough to think we’re anywhere near the end either.

I guess my question was whether there is any benefit to my boss knowing what’s going on right now (duty of care?) vs the risk of him managing me out if he questions my commitment.

Keeping my head down is probably the best option at the moment.

Id love to say duty of care but in my experience education can be ruthless and often it’s a superficial duty of care in my opinion in some schools

I would be honest and tell your line manager. That way if you end up being called for absence review meetings or the like for lots of days off, you can be clear that the management were aware of the struggles you are facing and had a duty of care. Yes, many SLT don't actually care, but they also don't want to be caught on the wrong side of employment law.

What is the atmosphere like in your school? Are SLT supportive generally?

The horrible irony here is that you are trying to safeguard your son and schools of all places should understand that…