Anyone else a 'quieter' member of staff?

[PumpkinPie2016]

I posted a while ago about feeling as though I didn't quiet fit in at my school.

For context, we are a new school and I have been there since we opened 18 months ago.
I worked in 2 schools previously but always felt I fitted in fine, had close colleagues etc.

I am naturally quiet and actually very shy as a person. Weirdly, this does not affect my teaching - I love being in the classroom and will happily stand in front of a class all day long.

Recently, I have been recognised for my skill in a particular area of work (I am a middle leader) and have presented on this to staff a few times. Again, I am fine with this as it is an area I am confident in.

However, the rest of the staff team, while all very lovely people are generally a lot more outgoing and confident than me. They love, for instance, going out socialising after work on Fridays, messaging each other out of work, getting involved in various games that have now been added to assemblies etc. This is, of course, totally fine - each to their own.

That said, I would honestly sooner stick pins in my own eyes than do daft games in front of assembly and I don't do socialising with colleagues out of work (just personal choice).

I suppose I worry sometimes that being shy and introverted doesn't really fit with my current school. I can't change this about myself and nor would I expect others to change for me.

Is anyone else quieter compared to the rest of their colleagues? If you are and have been at your school a while, has it been OK for you?
I am toying with the idea of looking for a change after next year but there are lots of aspects that I am enjoying (the area of work I presented on, teaching my subject, leading my dept etc) so I am torn between sticking it out and accepting I am quieter or looking elsewhere where 🙄

Yes, I have always been a quieter member of staff as a teacher, middle leader and senior leader. I have found that being quiet has always led other staff into saying / thinking 'Tortola thinks she is better than us' or 'odd' 'anti-social' 'unfriendly' 'aloof' 'unapproachable'.... I have found being quieter a rough road! Having said all this, I refuse to be drawn into bad mouthing and gossip so bigger picture - I happy to dip in and out of conversations and smile and say good morning. I am not an introvert or shy; I have simply never followed the crowd or got drawn in to cliques.

I don't think I am better than anyone but others perception seems to usurp reality!

This may not be of help but I hope everything works out for you. Maybe try to find just one like minded person as a start.

I can relate in that a lot of my colleagues seem to socialise out of school too. They're quite big on drinking, dancing, watching shows etc. That scene just isn't for me, nor could I afford to do half of what they seem to do.

However, in school we all get on (will happily chat away in the staff room etc) and, most importantly, I know I would be included in other stuff if I wanted to be. My colleagues seem to understand that isn't for me and respect that. I'm not the only one either, we're a large school and I'd say only half appear involved in all the socialising that goes on out of school, again by choice, so it's not like it's just me missing out. For me, all that matters is that everyone gets on fine together when we're working. There's certainly not a them and us feel between those who are closer out of school and those who aren't like I've known in some schools.

For me, that would be the clincher. As long as you're happy in school and feel part of the 'work team' on a professional level I think that's fine. So what if you choose not to socialise with them out of school? If you feel excluded though in school because of this, that would make for a more uncomfortable situation. Only you know deep down whether you are not joining in with other things through choice or because you don't feel included.

Personally, in terms of socialisation, I only ever go to the Christmas and end of year dos and even then it's not really me. Any other socialisation out of school in between just isn't for me and I'm ok with that.

@TortolaParadise , sadly that's been my experience, too. An assumption that I must be arrogant / stuck up / think I'm better than them, rather than just quiet. My staffroom is extremely cliquey, too, and whilst I doubt I'd want to participate in social events, being deliberately excluded isn't pleasant.

It sucks, doesn't it?

Yes, it sucks I agree@DoggerFisher
If it was happening to a child, would we call it bullying????

Yes, @TortolaParadise we would consider that kind of exclusion amongst pupils to be bullying. Ironically, some of the leading culprits are in charge of pastoral care!

There is some thought being given to drawing it to management attention through the union rep.

Sorry; my last post wasn't quite clear.

There are maybe ten or twelve staff who have been excluded from social events by the clique, so raising it with management wouldn't identify any particular person.

Thank you to everyone for replying and being kind. I am sorry some of you feel excluded in your schools. It's not a nice feeling.

For me, I'm not sure I am excluded as such, just that I am noticeably on the edge of things.

I love the kids at my school and I do feel recognised professionally (more so recently- I did mention to the head a few months ago, as politely as possible, that I felt a bit overlooked and in fairness, she was very understanding and supportive).
I have probably 3 or 4 colleagues in school that I feel I can chat with.

As I say, none of the staff are unpleasant- they are all nice people but we do have some very big characters! I suppose because I am quiet, I feel I fit less well.

Ultimately, I try to just think that it's work not a social occasion. I hope that with some projects I have been given starting, I will continue to be recognised for what I am good at and it will matter less that I am quieter.