Feeling anxious about the start of term

[PumpkinPie2016]

Sorry for a bit of a moaning post - just need a safe space to get things out.

I have posted before about not feeling as though I fit in at my school (I moved there just over a year ago - Sept 22).

The job itself is fine - I'm head of a core subject which I do enjoy. I am really interested in curriculum and teaching and learning and we have a lot of focus on this at school which is brilliant.

That said, although the other staff are nice enough, I don't feel I fit at all. I am really quite shy and quiet and although I am polite and professional, I don't seem to be part of any group if that makes sense. A lot socialise out of work, have WhatsApp groups etc and I'm not part of that - partly through my own choice but also because I just don't seem to fit.

I have tried to stick at it in the hope something clicks but I'm not sure it will. I am looking for another post but until I find one, I obviously need to try to make the best of it.

We go back Monday and I'm so anxious - was wide awake until about 3am this morning 🙄 I know it's likely not to be as bad as I am envisaging and I am doing some planning etc so I can feel organised.

Not really after advice but just needed to voice it somewhere.

I am sorry you feel that way!
You are a HoD - are the people who socialise HoDs, too? Maybe people don’t want to socialise with their line manager?
What happens in school? Are people friendly to you in the staff room, can you sit down at a table that already has people sitting there?
I found that even though I didn’t have friends at school I would always be able to find somebody to sit with and chat to at break or lunch.

Thank you for taking time to reply @PastTheGin

Some HoDs do socialise, yes. Not all do though.

Within school, people do always say hello etc. We don't have a central staff room but there are areas where people gather for lunch- I do sometimes sit there. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes I feel a bit left out of the conversation, but nobody is openly hostile towards me.

I think it's just tricky as I worked in two schools previously and always made friends/felt I fitted with no issues

Part of me thinks that, at the end of the day, it's work not a social event, so just be polite and professional and focus on the job. Not to blow my own trumpet but I am good at what I do, so I can possibly just rely on that for the time being.

I can totally understand what you're feeling. Many people do go off in their groups and don't think about how others might be feeling perhaps. The problem is, others might think that you would prefer to be left alone as you are "shy" as you put it and therefore don't give it a second thought.

Are there any other quieter members of staff you could sit with or speak to? I also see work as work and just want to do my job, whereas some see it as a must, to be popular. I try to get down to the staff room every now and then for lunch or just to comment on what was on TV last night or how somebody's hair really suits them or something like that, just to make an effort which I know is appreciated.

Other than that, you are probably over thinking it. I have seen many "friendship groups" change and many arguments! Sometimes you're in, sometimes you're out. All you can do, is do your job, be friendly, be kind and there will be some who will recognise you for the person you are. I can promise you the majority will be feeling anxious and / or worried about something, just like you are! I would encourage you not to worry (easier said than done I know) as I have met loud, quiet, shy, and everything in between. There is no right and wrong and I think most people understand that we are all different personalities. Be you and don't worry about the loud ones seemingly all fitting in. It's not always what it seems...