Funniest lines from students

[quiteoldad]

Just a little something to bring a bit of humour into our wretched and sad lives.
What’s the funniest comeback you’ve ever had from a student?

Here’s mine.

I set a group of Yr 10s a task that required them to work in silence. I wandered amongst them, looking at their work and they were all getting on with it very nicely. Then, after a few minutes there was a little bit of whispering, so I said, in a voice that was light hearted, rather than admonishing,
“I can hear voices”
To which a lad immediately replied,
“And what are they telling you to do sir?”

Last week one of my 5 yos looked at me with great joy and declared "Miss, you have the exact same glasses as my Grandad!!" It really made me laugh, not exactly the look I was going for! 😂

"Do you have a job miss?"

Survival of the fittest was a concept suggest by Bear Grylls

“Sorry miss….don’t mix dyspraxics and water”

(Year 9 Science practical)

I just started a very similar thread, hadn't seen this one!

Mine was a year 8 boy telling me "Miss! [Headteacher] told us girls should always be allowed to go to the toilet!" when I'd told a girl off for going to the toilet without asking. I asked him why he thought that was, and we established it was because girls have periods. I then asked him to have a look at me (38F) and pointed out that I was quite aware of these issues, having had periods for a very long time myself. "Oh yeah" came the reply 😂

Y3/4s revisiting learning about the digestive system from previous week. Super confident Y3 clearly told me the journey of a sandwich from in to out, as it were. Except that he renamed the oesophagus...the apocalypse!

Just remembered another: a year 10 pupil doing homework in the library asked the librarian if she could have a merit. "No, you don't get merits for what is standard behaviour." "But it's not my standard!"

A high school student once asked me ‘how do they know which cows are the semi-skimmed ones?’