Parents won’t let me adapt for their SEN child

[Teacherteachernicetomeetya]

I have a child (aged 7) in my class (mainstream private school) who has lots of very pronounced learning issues for whom any teacher would adapt their approach in order to support.

When this child first came in to my class, I was warned that their parents would not allow any adaptations, interventions or help from outside agencies to support this child with these issues. Evidently they became quite threatening (legally) with the school and insisted that recommendations made by an outside professional were disregarded because they ‘didn’t agree’ with any of the observations made.

I think the parents (for cultural reasons) don’t want to acknowledge or are not ready to accept that their child is significantly struggling/ delayed in many areas.

Not being allowed to support their child in the ordinary ways schools would due to fear of parents makes me feel professionally negligent to the extreme. I know I could do things to help this child access their education but their parents won’t allow it.

Each day, the child’s reading book comes back in to school with comments from parents like, ‘X read perfectly and confidently’ and when I listen to the child read the same book, it takes a very long time to just read one line of very basic CVC words.

I empathise with the parents, because their unwillingness to accept the reality of the situation is clearly rooted in grief, but if their child is at the heart of my practice then really I should be adapting my provision to suit this child’s needs.

Who do I answer to? My professional understandings or the parents needing me to play along with their fantasy?

I’ve been there. It’s so difficult. Firstly I would ask your SENCo to come with you to a meeting with them. Show clearly where the child is at level wise for each area of learning and what steps you would like to put in place to ensure they can develop their next steps. Record everything and have them sign it. On occasion I have shown pieces of work (not named obviously) to demonstrate the “average” level for each thing. Sometimes parents have no idea what their children should be doing at what age. referring to the curriculum with examples can help.
Clearly it’s difficult for these parents to accept their reality which is understandable but as you said you’re also there for the child.

Perhaps they are worried that their child will be singled as 'different'?

Have you considered using some UDL strategies that will support this child, but are available to everyone - then it's just part of your teaching/classroom environment.

Thank you so much for this.
I am due to meet with the parents soon so I will see if I can help them to understand why it will benefit their child to receive a slightly different provision.

Don’t do that meeting alone OP. You must have support in there. Either your Senco or a member of SLT and you all need to be singing from the same sheet before you go in that meeting.

I have had similar last year. Parents in very deep denial about what is likely a significant delay. Child has moved up a year and they are saying the same thing - they believe we are just not strict enough, the child is perfectly capable , reads fluently at home, should be on chapter books at school by now - and likewise, current teacher is no further than I was - if they can even get child to sit down and read, it takes twenty minutes and a lot of guidance and support to read one short sentence of CVC words. Child is in Year 2 now and still can’t form letters and numbers or sit for more than 3 minutes on the carpet before wandering off (3 minutes is the record and 5 minutes at a desk), yet parents have approached with the entry guidelines of top private senior schools in the area and saying these are the ones they want for their child and they don’t want unnecessary interventions getting in the way of child’s exam success. I think it’s a combination of deusion, denial and grief for what they wanted for their child and cannot let go of.

Thing is, the child comes first. And actually the constant denial could start to be a safeguarding concern. Potential neglect. My school has started this route with the child I discussed above because we are actually really starting to worry that the parents denial and refusal for help is going to cause serious emotional harm and is going to lead to failure to thrive.

I simply did what I needed to do in class. They couldn’t access learning and I had to make it accessible to them.

Thank you. I’ll be with the Head in this meeting and will write the content of the meeting down word for word straight afterwards.

I have done lots of research over the weekend to establish whether P Scales are still used and I learnt about the new system within state schools which has replaced them. I think it’s called The Engagement Model.

I know in the independent sector, we are not bound by such approaches, but I could confidently justify adopting them because they’re based on current research and would be child-centred practice.

I wish parents could understand that it doesn’t matter how much you spend on a child’s education, everyone is different and some settings are more suited to some children than others.

Make sure you record everything you suggest and get them to sign as they will blame you at the end when their child is not up to scratch. I am in Ireland but we always get parents to sign when they refuse to have their child get access to Special Needs teachers etc.
Are the parents from a different country as in some countries children with special needs are put in orphanages so there is understandably a terrible fear of acknowledging that a child has difficulties as the treatment in their home country is very scary.

If the child is reading, you're probably not looking at the engagement model. That is for children at the very earliest stages of learning, lower than even the year 1 curriculum.

I had a child like this in my tutor group in year 10. According to his parents no one had ever raised concerns before. Said with a completely straight face even though we had raised concerns the year before and his previous school had repeatedly. They were in complete denial.

They even said we aren’t expecting 8&9 but think he should be getting 6s across the board! He was on track to get 2s and a couple of 3s! They were even talking Alevel plans.

It was the biggest disconnect I had seen. If the parents aren’t ready to accept then there is little you can do, but teach in your classroom to support as best as you are able.