Quandary

[Serena1977]

I'm an ECT1 doing a mat leave cover. Job has come up in school and would love to apply.

Despite having great observations and positive comments I'm nervous about applying.
I have massive imposter syndrome and low self esteem and if I didn't get it, my confidence would be really shaken (which is easy) and I would be so embarrassed and upset every day in school because I would still be there to obviously fulfill my mat contract to the end of the summer term. Also, I would continue looking for jobs knowing that the school where I work dodnt want me permanently.

Any advice welcome please.

You’ve had great observations and positive comments. Do you like the school? If you do, then definitely apply for the job. They already liked you enough to employ you once, they’ve seen you teach now and you’ve had good feedback. You’re in a really strong position. I hope you can be a little bit brave and go for it!

I've been through this....twice early in my career, and had exactly the same feelings you mentioned. Once as an NQT - I was just pipped to the post by someone more experienced and had to then work alongside my colleagues still for weeks before doing a handover to the person who got the job instead. I was so anxious returning to work after that rejection but everyone was so nice, kind and accomodating and approachable it was such a relief to get that first day back after the failed interview out the way. I don't know if SLT felt guilty or what, but they all offered me support applying for other jobs in the manner of proof-reading applications and personal statements, practising interview questions with me and even looking over my interview demo lessons with me which gave me a massive boost in confidence that they hadn't given up on me and set me to pasture.

My second experience was the following year at the end of another 1yr contract. Same feels all over again. This time it was an internal reduction in staff, so a few of us on 1yr contracts were all up against each other - heart breaking to be so happy for the 1 that got the job whilst so sad for myself too! After that failed interview, the DH and my KS lead helped me plan and resource my demo lesson for the next interview elsewhere and were very supportive, just as the previous experience I'd had.

So, as the pp says - they have seen you teach, it's all been positive so far and they've employed you once already so go for it. If it doesn't work out, you may well find everyone goes to lengths to help you in your job search anyway! That really made me feel like they believed in me and was a big confidence boost. Go for it and good luck. 🤞

I get this - my first job I was on a temporary one year contract (which was the norm for NQTs at that time) and had to reapply for my own job. I did seriously consider not doing it due to the awkwardness if I didn't get it, but ultimately as SLT encouraged me to apply I did and got the job. Can you speak to the head or deputy about your concerns?

Sometimes, it isn't personal - if someone turns up on the day with skills the school really needs, then it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't a good teacher and you won't find a job at another school.

If you like the school I think long term you'd regret not applying?

They've been positive about you - go for it. They'll probably be expecting you to apply. If you don't apply, you've no chance of the job.

It's always possible that someone comes along and completely wows them at interview (or happens to have particular skills/experience they're after), but that doesn't mean you're no good. I'm sure they'll do their best to make sure you know that, too.