Mental health is in the bin at the moment

[Foodieforever]

I’ve worked really hard to try my best and be more tolerant of everything I possibly can. But I’m finding it so hard.

Of late it seems like no one really wants to challenge bad behaviour. It feels like I’m the only one not wanting to take the crap and telling the students that it’s not on.

Obviously I’ve mentioned before, I’m over allocated. I spend my lunch break in the toilet crying today, because a student questioned me and found it hilarious to do so in front of a full corridor of kids. It’s upsetting and a little embarrassing because I always feel I’m doing my utmost. One said “oi your lessons are bollocks you twat”

In an exchange with my manager, he said he wants to take a different slant on how to tackle it, and not be too “firm” and say to the kid, what you did was wrong, don’t do it again. As opposed to awaiting some sentiment from them.

What alarmed me was, I feel like there’s a pattern emerging from students feeling like I’m doing them a disservice, because I’m somewhat more firm than other staff, so I said this to my manager. He said no that’s not the case but then suggested I pop in tomorrow morning and watch his starter, I feel like there’s an issue here in my competency and I’ve begged to get feedback about it but I don’t seem to be getting any. I’d happily have him tell me I’m not good at teaching, at least that way I can learn where I’m going wrong, but I’m getting nothing.

He keeps mentioning that they’ll push back because I have higher expectations, in comparison to others. But I explained I cannot change the way I’ve always known and I really would happily be softer, if I was not trampled on by nasty comments like this. This isn’t the first time students have commented on my way of doing things and it just makes me feel like I’m not doing things right coupled with the lack of feedback I get.

I feel for you so much. Have to go now but my school has also decided a 'softer'appraoch is the way forward and guess what? Behaviour is going down the pan. You are not alone.

This all sounds really odd- like you're being criticised for having high behaviour expectations.

There will be schools local to you who probably have a behaviour philosophy that's more in line with yours.

I'm not saying you should leave, but would you be happier in that scenario?

Surely, for a student calling you a twat there's a serious sanction?

Well that’s exactly it, I’m quite fed up. I’m doing everything ti ensure I meet all of their needs, yet it’s still wrong.

Being harsh is what they need - I feel like there’s some kind of onus on me being their friend. I have friends, I don’t want more.

I appreciate respect is a mutual battlefield, I will always accept that to gain you have to give. But to be receiving push back from kids for “please remove your hat” or “please tuck your chair in and tidy your space” is Exhausting.

When he asked if I wanted to watch his lesson first thing tomorrow, at that point I felt I failed.

Well that’s the thing. Along with different teachers having different approaches. Mines the way it is, and I try to adapt but I’m finding it hard.

I don't think you should have to adapt your approach at all. Has your SLT fallen under the spell of Pivotal and Paul Dix by any chance? How are other staff feeling? At my school there's a lot of mutual support between long standing middle leaders who are watching standards nose dive with increasing horror. I'd also recommend speaking to your Union rep.

Do you know what the sanction will be for the student who was so offensive to you? I'd expect at least internal exclusion for a day or two.

No advice but going through similar so you have my sympathy. Restorative Approaches has been disastrous for behaviour in schools!

Honestly. I don’t know what’s happening but it’s like an alternate reality where everyone’s given up. It’s so sad because I actually care but I hate it when horrible students let the side down. They need to be spoken to sternly and not softly imho. They need to know where they’ve gone wrong. Whereas my manager said he thinks the best way is “you did something incorrect. Don’t do it again” thank you bye.

Its really made me question if I can keep teaching when the education sector has so many schools like this.

Sending a solidarity 💜

Really, honestly not all schools are like this.

I do think it's worth trying another school before you give up.

At interview, ask questions about the school behaviour policy. Anything that mentions a restorative approach won't be for you. But there's lots of schools out there with a "traditional" approach as well.

There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations for behaviour or applying sanctions. There are a few things that stand out from your posts to me though.
Your manager sounds like he’s taking issue with the way that you are speaking to students rather than you enforcing the rules. Speaking to students “sternly rather than softly” is a red herring. The people that I know with the best behaviour in their and academic results all speak to students calmly and softly. They don’t let them get away with behaving badly, they just apply sanctions and corrections calmly. They also manage to apply sanctions without giving students the impression that they dislike them.

I think you should definitely go and observe some colleagues. I used to find behaviour really tough. Observing others made me realise that I was sweating the small stuff far too much and that I was not as consistent as I thought I was. I was on at the “usual suspects” from the second they walked in because I was so anxious not to let behaviour escalate or slide and they were picking up on that unfairness and it was creating a really unpleasant atmosphere. Your manager might be a wet blanket but there’s also a chance he might have a point.

The OP has made clear her manager isn't applying sanctions at all, calmly or otherwise.

I think I’m desperately ky trying my best though regardless

I definitely wasn’t trying to have a go, and it may be that your manager is a dick. When I read your post I just felt like I could have written it myself, word-for-word in my first five years of teaching. I remember how frustrating and depressing I found dealing with the grind of constant confrontation with kids.

I’m sure you are desperately trying your best. I know I was. But I am glad that I learned to pick my battles a bit. I hope things get better for you.

So sorry you are going through this, it sounds so horrible. Do other members of your department feel unsupported too? Or other teachers across the school that you've chatted to?