Does anyone else work in a very huggy school and not especially like it?

[Moomoomeemee]

I work in a school which is quite huggy.

I totally get it (and do it, gladly) when there is a very little one who is upset. But we have the occasional year 6 child who hugs the teachers and TAs a few times a day. Not just a little squeeze on the shoulders, but bringing them in for a big squish with both arms.

I didn't have this in my previous schools, so I'm trying to adjust, but I can't help but think there are better ways to show them support than a big bear hug more than once every day. I also wonder how the year 6 children who still expect great big hugs if something doesn't go well that day are going to have a horrible shock at secondary if they go in for a cuddle? I've worked in secondary, and I don't think teachers or LSAs hug at secondary.

I think my previous school was a bit old fashioned and we had a rule about older children not being pulled in for a big hug. We were told at our safeguarding training sessions to only do little side hugs and only if they were really upset.

Wondering if this is the norm now and am I being a grumpy, stand offish twat by not especially liking this... BTW I don't run off or say no or anything if someone tries to hug me. I think that would be a bit cruel, but I don't pull them in to me for a big squeeze as it would make me feel really uncomfortable

I totally would hate this!!!!

i personally feel I would be explaining that you only hug family members as it makes you feel uncomfortable to hug people not in your family.

with small kids aren’t you meant to say don’t hug if you don’t feel comfortable? It’s what I constantly hear from my sil. Why is it any different for adults? I wouldn’t be comfortable, but I teach secondary.

especially in year 6… secondary school is going to be so difficult - no way would I be hugging a student - but I am the least pastoral person on the planet, am sure they’d find a staff member to do that!

Thanks. Glad it just isn't me!

It's nice they have people who want to hug them at school I guess. But it's just a big adjustment for me compared to the other places I've worked. And it does seem to me as if they go for cuddles instead of other ways of communicating. That's staff and kids. I don't know if I'm judging too harshly though and I haven't been there long.

I do think children are very perceptive, so I expect they'll notice I don't enjoy hugs soon.

I do put an arm around little ones if they're hurt and I'm guiding them to first aid or something. But I can't get on board with the big squishy cuddles. I don't even like that from friends tbh 😂. Really only like it from DH and dcs

I was always taught in training that hugging like that was a safeguarding concern...

Same @tfh. It does make me uncomfortable anyway and I was trained not to do that under any circumstances, so do find it a bit strange/not what I'm used to

We've always hugged children. Our head is an Ofsted inspector. The little ones are obviously more huggy than the Y6s. In fact, only a couple of Y3s ever instigate a hug and can't think of any older ones that do. I'm very glad it's that way though. I've seen my daughter's teacher hug her and think it's lovely.

That's nice. I'm glad you like it @Quordle . I really don't, but I think that's a really personal thing.

If an older child (year 5+) wants a hug, do you think it's a bit mean for a TA to say they would prefer a high five or something?

Hugging has to in instigated by the child and certainly isn’t advised, but also not 100% frowned upon in my school if you get me. I’m in Early Years though so the children naturally are a bit more huggy and there’s certainly a few who will come over, say hello and give a quick squeeze. I stay standing upright and maybe lightly place my arms half round them for a second as a response (over the shoulders basically) and move them on.

If a child is crying I will put an arm partly round them as comfort, if they appear to want it, some back away in which case I obviously don’t. Some will try and climb up for a proper hug, I think you have to judge the situation one by one and I’m never alone with the children anyway. No I don’t do those squishy hugs with these children, that’s not appropriate for school.

Older ones are different though, it’s really tough because it’s a child’s natural instinct to look for affection, but i wouldn’t be tolerating a Y6 coming in for a full hug.

I used to have one Y5/6 class who would always come for hugs. It was a bit odd at first but I was their teacher for two years and they eventually kept their hugs for more special occasions.
For the past two years, I've taught Y1 and some of them need a cuddle every so often. I hugged them back if they initiated it but I didn't go and hug them. They still come up to me when I'm on playground duty and all ran up to me to give me a massive, squishy group hug when I covered their class recently. (I'm not a huggy teacher at all. My colleague thought it was hilarious.)
I'm now teaching Y4 and a few of my girls still need a cuddle but it's not the norm.
I think with the little ones, it's OK and important. DS is in Reception at my school and he will frequently go and hug his TA or teacher. It helps him to feel secure and to calm down when anything has upset him. As a parent, that's what I'd expect.
While training, I used to work in a school with a "no touch" policy. I was placed in Reception and that was just plain horrible, seeing teachers practically shove kids away when they needed comfort.

I think, at the very least, it would be worth discussing with the children that this sort of hugging won't happen at secondary. Maybe a side hug if they are very upset, but a lot of secondary staff will discourage even that and go for a hand on the shoulder or similar.

Maybe suggest transitioning to side hugs to help get them ready for secondary?

I'm very much not a huggy person though- part of the reason I couldn't do primary is because it feels like the children always want to touch you!