ECT inappropriate behaviours

[Katiejane19]

Sorry long post
I’m a female mentor, 20 years in teaching and second in department in a large secondary school.I’ve been doing this for years-we have 2 ects in the department, the other one is being mentored by a less experienced member of staff ( 7 years in teaching) .there is no issue with my mentee-the problem is the other one.
mentor is male in early 40s with young family, ect is a 23 year old female and odd. She is constantly in his classroom between classes and every break and lunchtime. She will literally sit cross legged on a desk and watch him working after school for an hour or more.when he has tried to confront her about needing some time of his own she bursts into tears and tells him he’s not being fair. Last week it came to a head-he made a mistake at work which I think was partly because he was so stressed with her constant presence and in the evening he rang me for advice.
He admitted that she texts him all times of the night and over the weekend and has just become totally dependent on him.I told him that he needed to set boundaries but also talk to our IITCO as this was obsessional behaviour which is unacceptable.
the following day (Friday) he emailed IITCO and there was a meeting with her and the ECT where IITCO told her she has to be more independent and should not text him after 6. There were a lot of tears apparently
Friday night we had the department Xmas do the ect got drunk and acted outrageously -we were in a restaurant, the whole department were there and ect starting shrieking loudly that all the kids have noticed how close they are and assume that she is fxxxxxx a married man. She also kept leaning on him, putting her arms around him, patting him on the head…… it was horrible to see. He ( and my hod) are both quiet unassuming men who I know won’t do anything about this other than mutter about it-but I think it’s bordering on sexual harassment.what do you think? We are all maths ( maybe that’s why communication hard) and I know this was out of school but even so…

It’s unacceptable behaviour and definitely crosses the boundary of unprofessionalism for sure.

Is there another mentor in the school? Or could you swap? Would that stop the issues? I can tell you probably don’t want to mentor them but this may stop any further issues arising.

It is really simple. Someone else needs to be her mentor. It doesn't even have to be someone in the dept.

Poor bloke sounds like he's in an impossible situation there. He should not be her mentor at all. Sounds like harassment. Reminds of the few time we've had specific kids become obsessed with a certain member of staff. They've had to be moved out of their class and the staff are never to be alone with them.

I think she needs to be reminded about part 2 of the professional standards - she is clearly not following them, and they do apply to some extent outside of work. I'd also suggest that the mentor discusses the situation with his union rep. Unfortunately, if she feels rejected by him, it's very likely she could lash out and twist the situation into something he has done wrong.

But yes, I think he needs to stop being her mentor and start enforcing really clear boundaries such as not being alone together. There will likely be more tears about this, but she really needs it to be gently explained that this is totally inappropriate and a teacher cannot behave this way.

Good god, is this the quality of people we are now recruiting into the profession?

You really need to help him get her removed from under his mentorship before she causes bigger problems either in his personal or professional life. It would be very easy for this woman to turn things around on him and mud, very sadly, sticks. You can all see what is happening here. I suspect ‘cruel to be kind’ is your only way forward.

This is a matter for the induction lead and the head teacher.

Good grief- poor man! She sounds unbearable and completely unprofessional.

I would, in your shoes, speak to the induction tutor, face to face, explain what is going on and see what they suggest. A senior leader in school would also be a good shout.

Ideally she needs a different mentor but she also needs someone to tell her, very clearly, that this behaviour is completely unacceptable!

As a HoD myself, I would be having strong words if this was happening in my department!

Thank you all for your advice. I went to the induction tutor first thing this morning-she went to the head who asked for statements from the other mentor, from myself and from ‘ anyone else who had any concerns’. Upshot is the mentor is being changed( not to me, to someone else in the department who is equally experienced),and the mentee has been severely spoken to and has been warned that if anything else happens it will be a disciplinary . It will be awkward I’m sure but hopefully by mentor change and some boundaries she may be able to get through this and my colleague, although shocked by how quickly it’s been dealt with, says he feels really relieved that it’s being dealt with.thanks all-happy Christmas!

That's good news.

That's really good news- I hope this is the wake up call she needs to realise she can't continue to behave this way, but I'm worried she will see this as being victimised or similar.

I'd still suggest the former mentor keep his union in the loop as to what has been happening.

That is good news all round!

Hopefully, this will be a wake up call for her!

Blimey what a horrible situation. I assume the university she is training with are aware of this too? They will also reinforce expectations of professional behaviour...

Sorry read trainee rather than ECT!

She is seeing it as being victimised.she has been told she cannot be one to one in same room as former mentor.so she opens door and stands in doorway and tries to engage him from there.every day so far this term she has sat in the department staffroom and cried-it’s like having a toddler who can’t have her own way in the department.we are all fed up with her but all busy and although it’s awkward at least the ex mentor is more protected.I seriously don’t think she’s cut out for teaching

Somebody senior needs to very clearly explain to her that she also needs to meet the second part of the teacher standards, and that this behaviour isn't.

I agree with MrsHamlet that this needs to be passed onto a senior member of the school, possibly even the head teacher, and they need to be put onto some sort of support program or even disciplinary as their behaviour is still inappropriate and are therefore not meeting the required standards.

If they are this inappropriate with a member of staff, is someone monitoring them with the pupils, as it is a potential safeguarding risk. They seem very unstable and clearly need (external) support.

I think this needs to go back to the head of ITT or another member of SLT.

She's a) clearly still approaching the male member of staff despite being told that he's uncomfortable, which is presumably bordering on harassement, and b) making everyone else feel uncomfortable with her behaviour. Does the ex-mentor feel comfortable going into the department staffroom?

I don't always like the "what if he was female and she was male argument" BUT if this was a male trainee and female mentor, I think the emotional blackmail + continued attempts to make contact would be taken very seriously.

I know you can't know and can't do anything about it but I actually wonder if the school need to go down a disciplinary route. If the ex-mentor said he felt he was being harassed, I think he would have a strong case.

Equally, if she is this upset, perhaps she needs to be signed off for a period, get some distance and return to work when she is mentally more stable.