I cried after work today

[CrappityCrapCrap]

Can I have a vent?

I’ve name-changed but I’m a Staffroom regular.

You know when a man’s actions feel uncomfortable, even predatory, but they’re so subtle that it’s hard to call it out? I had that same sense from a student today: standing too close; saying things ‘to his friends’ while staring straight at me; gestures that could be seen as rude… all so subtle that if I’d addressed it directly I’m sure he’d have twisted it in a ‘what were you thinking?’ sort of way.

I’m an experienced teacher, usually do a good line in variations of ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ and never get phased by behaviour. I remained calm, didn’t rise to the predatory stuff, had him removed for the more obvious disruptive behaviour, and was well supported by SLT.

But I still feel deeply uncomfortable. His actions were deliberately targeted. I am convinced he wanted me to feel so vulnerable. I’ve not felt anything like this since I was an NQT.

Beyond venting here (thank you), has anyone got any suggestions about next steps? What to say if is happens again? How to show the girls that this crap shouldn’t be tolerated, without giving him the attention he wants?

Thanks.

I personally wouldn’t let it get to you. I would escalate this incident (and any further incidents) to your HoD (secondary) or phase leader if primary. No one should be subject to this kind of behaviour or placed in an awkward position for that matter.
How does your school manage students with disruptive behaviour?

I know. I don’t usually let things get to me. I’m very much “all behaviour is communication”
and I don’t take things personally at all. Today though, I just can’t shake it off.

As I said, SLT are great. He was removed. I feel well supported. I’ve just been totally thrown by my reaction. I’m not sure if he’s somehow triggered something from a past experience, hit a ‘how fucking dare you’ feminist nerve, or if I’m just having a bad day, but I still feel really vulnerable.

Then change your attitude towards him - he clearly sees something you’re communicating and acting in it - as I he senses a gap?
I would be especially professional and serious with him.

So was this all in a lesson? How wel do you know him, ie have you taught him long? What's he like with other F and M teachers?

You need to record a concern in case he starts accusing you of anything, at the very least.

What????
Am I reading this right? Are you suggesting the OP provoked this somehow?

@CrappityCrapCrap make sure you have a verbatim account of what happened and share it with the DSL. I'd also be speaking to my union. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's horrible.

I've had this with a student before. I privately explained why the actions made me (and could make others) feel uncomfortable.

Next time I publicly said it. Mostly to reassure the girls that they don't have to tolerate that shit, and model how to deal with it. It wasn't perfect and I was flustered.

Followed up with removal and careful logging of everything.

I do not agree with a previous poster that this is all about you and how you react/feel/view it.

I think sometimes teachers forget that we teach everyone including future rapists, wife batterers, psychopaths etc. Sometimes it feels off and creepy because it is off and creepy and what the behaviour is communicating is that they are off and creepy! Looking at his internet browser history would probably be very telling unfortunately.

Definitely talk to DSL about your concerns and how vulnerable you felt and that you got disturbing vibes from his behaviour. Ask them for advice on exactly how to log your concerns. It would be good if people were keeping an eye on him and his behaviour towards other students. I've taught students in the past who I got very bad feelings from only to discover that they already had a history of having sexually assaulted a younger child.

I'm sorry you had this.

Thanks all. I still feel really ‘off’ about it. I’ll speak to DSL on Monday.

I hope that goes well - I wasn’t victim blaming as you stated you feel uncomfortable and the boy is probably picking up on that.
Some children are sneaky and he’s playing off that - he knows exactly what he’s doing and it’s predatory.
I’ve also been in class and know exactly the type of child you’re speaking about -
I meant that you need to change how you Sean with him, short and sharp and make it clear he doesn’t phase you.

I see what you meant @Allsnotwell but the OP has to know that changing how she deals with him may not help or may lead to other behaviours.

Allsnotwell your post reads like victim blaming, but I wonder if this a a misinterpretation? <grasps at straws>

You appear to be saying the teacher is to blame for the student’s behaviour?