Summer holiday anxiety/lack of purpose

[Whyarecrispssonice]

In a lot of ways, I consider myself easy going. I never liked to plan too much as I always liked the simplicity of taking things day by day so I have a balance of things to do and free time.

As my children are getting older (pre teen and teen), I'm finding myself lacking in purpose or motivation over the summer holidays. We have days planned in to do things and have a family holiday (right at the start to force a switch off as I find this difficult) but have found myself thinking of working or doing work to fill the gaps for the rest of the holiday. Mild anxiety doesn't help. I read, workout, watch TV, walk dog, cook, clean, do shopping etc.

The children are out playing with friends a lot. I tidy/clean (but don't get any joy from it). Everything else costs such a lot of money (kids cinema seems to be too young now, theme parks too expensive, decorating costs money we don't have).

I am on my own a lot of the time as hubby works shifts. Friends aren't teachers, the ones who are have teacher husbands and do a lot as a family.

Does anyone else feel a bit bleurghhh in the holidays with slightly older, increasingly independent children? I'm wondering what I could do differently next year.

I feel annoyed that I am self sabotaging my time off but I feel like my brain works at 110 miles per hour in term time and can't relax during holidays.

I have definitely had similar feelings to you as mine have got older.
I think I went through a bit of a period of mourning last year (with a 15 and 12yo) for all the past summers - I've always worked full time but used to live for the holidays when we'd spend days at the park, in the garden, at the library...then suddenly they didn't want to hang out with me any more. It was really tough and I didn't know quite what to do with myself.
It's not been so much of an issue this summer as I've had a short holiday (moving counties so missed out on a week of summer) and I genuinely have had to do a lot of work to prepare for my new role, but also seem to be getting the hang of a summer with teens. A couple of things I've done differently this year which have helped have been to plan things that I want to do without them (including an overnight break with a friend) rather than revolving everything around them then being disappointed when they're not bothered. We've had family holidays but I haven't really expected them to do much as a family in between, which has resulted in much less conflict! I've read more, had a couple of small house projects on the go and pottered in the garden a lot more...but then I'm quite happy in my own company so that's not been so hard.
It's a strange shift but I have also started to enjoy the possibilities of NOT revolving the whole summer around the dcs.

Just read this thread and thought I'd reply as at times I feel the same a as the DC get older. ALthough the break is nice - especially as teaching is so full on - it can also feel a bit flat and yes a bit bleurgh because like you say the lack of purpose! I'm also missing those days of doing lots of fun things with the kids. Like mamaduck says it's trying to plan things for yourself which isn't always easy if your friends aren't teachers. Do you have things planned for this summer@Whyarecrispssonice ?

I get this a lot. Other teachers look at me like I have two heads, but my mental health genuinely deteriorates during the summer. I need to rest but also the lack of busyness is not good for me 'the devil makes work for idle minds'. I'm planning more trips away this summer to visit friends to avoid long stretches of aimlessness.

I would love a 4 week summer and 2 weeks in October and Feb half terms instead.

I'm starting a masters in may to give me something to do over the summer

This, exactly. There's just wayyyy too much time to over-think.

@ValancyRedfern yes! Too much time to think! Maybe we should post some ideas of places to go alone! I will be going on holiday with partner but he only has limited leave.

How's everyone doing? I've been pretty busy til now but just hit a bit of a bleugh feeling this morning! However trying to fix a short break for August, which should help!

I feel the the same, but I'm a TA.
My eldest is off to university next month and my son has a year left at secondary school.

I need a new job, but my lack of motivation is hindering me. Currently looking at OU courses and such like. Also need to acquire new hobbies etc.

I just need a good kick up the bum!

yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I've got one at university who hasn't even come home for the summer because he's awayy doing an internship. The other in 6th form who just wants to hang round with his mates. All my FB memories this time of year are of fun times hanging around with the kids during the holidays when they were younger and it just rubs it in that they don't want to know me now! I quite like my own company but it's the total lack of purpose and structure over a few weeks that isn't good for one's mental health.

I think it must be different when you're retired, the swathes of free time in front of you. Because you know that there'll be plenty of it and so can plan long-term things or start a new hobby. If you're just off for 4 or 5 weeks during summer holidays then the hectic stress of the start of term hangs over you and you sort of put off doing any big projects because you may run out of time before you go back, or it seems pointless starting a new hobby which you wont have time to do once school starts. The very poor weather this year hasn't helped for things like going for a walk alone or pottering in the garden.

I think the Christmas holidays are often best because it's expected that everyone just chills together at home having family time and catching up.

But these summer ones......yeuch.....I start off with good intentions of getting up at a reasonable time, doing exercise, going for a walk, decorating a room, overhauling the garden, but within a couple of weeks I'm just pressing snooze all the time and getting up at 10am after reading crap on my phone like a teenager!

@CurlyhairedAssassin I could have written your post myself, as this is EXACTLY how things are for me too! We are meant to going away for a week in a couple of days, except the 15.5 year old has decided he doesn't want to come! A stark reminder, that we are all on different pages of the family book now.

I have a list of stuff to do, which does include decorating, gardening, hobbies, courses etc etc. But like you, am getting up later and later and spending more time on my phone. scrolling!

Big sigh!

Ditto the motivation, it's frustrating because during term time - it's so full on at time I'm wishing I had the time for x,y and z! I'm hoping I can do some batch cooking before September rush!

I'm at the point of slight panic at the days ticking away at the moment and seem to have spent too much time on schoolwork already. I actually had a sleepless night last night worrying about how little I've achieved and how little time is left. How ridiculous!

I also have an older teen. I’ve picked up old hobbies though, which helps. I try and keep the day fairly structured with a to do list of necessary and also nice things. It’s a long time to spend off though and hard to keep motivated.

I could have written your post, OP (though dc slightly older - y11 ds and dd about to start university). I only went back to ft teaching in September after years of very pt and have unexpectedly ended up as head of subject from September. I'm fretting a bit about the additional responsibilities but haven't actually settled down to do any work yet - went away early like you and am hosting family this weekend, but need to bite the bullet after that!

I agree. But would have the extra 2 weeks at October and May rather than October and February!

First world problems 🙄. Get a new hobby? Start part time study like the other poster mentioned? Get a second job? You could always volunteer and help those in a less comfortable position than yourself.

Are you a teacher @Frost1111?
This thread is in the staffroom so probably best to scroll on by if you aren't. Your snide comments are not helpful or welcome in what up to now has been a supportive thread for people sharing the same experience. Thanks.

First world problems 🙄.

I don't think the OP was claiming this was a horrific, earth-shattering issue. Guess what - people are allowed to have 'first world problems' and talk about them. If we removed all threads that were about 'first world problems', minor irritations or niggles, MN would be a pretty empty place and many normal human conversations wouldn't happen.

Frost1111 isn't Mumsnet full of first world problems? Why is my question less valid than anyone else's? Have you never sought advice on anything that isn't life or death serious? If you haven't, well done you...here's a medal and a round of applause!

My question was around my mental wellbeing, the main problem being the pace of life during term time and my desire to be more relaxed during holidays but my mental functioning not letting me. I don't think it warranted your rude reply.

I can assure you that I do a lot of voluntary work including being governor for various schools during term. I need to be around home for my children, they just don't rely on me as much. I don't feel the solution is to do more and more during holidays, I need to learn how to make the most of my time and wind down.

If you are not a teacher or in education, can I suggest that lurking in the staffroom seems a bit odd. I have not always worked in education. I have worked in all of my spare time since I was 13 years old including after school, weekends, holidays. My previous career gave me 20 days off per year and I worked long days. This is part of the reason why I struggle now. If you have no help to suggest, please don't take the time to comment.

Thank you to all of the other commenters. Much appreciated.

@Whyarecrispssonice very articulately put. It never ceases to amaze me how some people on mumsnet think they have the right to be so rude.
Hope you're doing ok.

@Meredusoleil definitely 2 weeks in May - February half term is grim.

This summer I went away after the first week on my own for 11 days! (first time ever, my children are late teens)
It was strange the first day and I felt guilty, but I soon got used to it! Took lots of books, took my phone to mealtimes, no-one stared or bothered me.
If I stay here, I'm always worrying and thinking about school. This made me completely switch off. Can definitely recommend!

I just came here to say I feel the same. I don't have children yet and I do have lots of friends to fill the days with during their lunch break or after work etc but I feel I lack purpose in the summer. I've even had a 3 week trip taking sixth formers away to volunteer in Africa but now I feel a bit flat. I don't think six weeks is healthy for adults to have off work. I love 2/3 week breaks but 6 is not for me. Need to plan more for next year!

I totally agree with having 2 weeks at Oct/Feb HT - that would be bliss.

I struggle to switch off the first week of the holidays but for the past two years, I've been really poorly and run down 😥 we've just had a family holiday to Rhodes so finally feel slightly re-charged.

Teaching is so full on so when I slow down I think my body goes into shock 🤣🤣