When 3 best friends from year 7 all hate you?

[Laura2121]

Hello all

I recently started at the school I currently work at. I’m also new to teaching Year 7 since I have always worked in sixth form colleges.

There is a group of 3 students in the Year 7 class I teach who treat me disrespectfully. Two of them used to be nice to me, but then they started hanging out with student #3 who has always been hateful and disrespectful towards me. Ever since the two girls started hanging out with her, they have themselves become very disrespectful towards me, clearly having been influenced.

To make matters worse, student # 3 ’s mother who is a teacher herself, had a go at me at parents evening a couple of weeks ago at how I didn’t do this and that in a certain topic we did. But I acted on her feedback promptly and made sure to do this.

Nevertheless I feel that this girl gained confidence from seeing that even her mother doesn’t fully respect me.

Please could I have some advice, I’d really appreciate it- feeling bullied

I think you need to remind yourself how young Yr7 are. They need to see you're the adult who is completely unconcerned by what an 11 year old thinks of you. Any slight rudeness e.g. Eye roll, whisper is a warning. They do it again it's a detention. Rinse and repeat. Divide and conquer by seizing on any opportunity to praise and give merits to one of three who does something right. Lavish praise on kids who are nice and doing the right thing. Make them want to be part of that gang. Separate them and never let the three work together or sit together. Phone home with praise once they're doing the right thing.

I know it feels horrible. Yr7 after 6th form is going to be a shock to the system. Remind yourself every day they are babies who just want attention whichever way they can get it.

The way forward is to treat the behaviour. If you're noticing it, it must be disrupting teaching and learning, so tackle that, using whatever the school allows.

Never require them to respect you, require them to show respect for the lesson and your position. They will hate this because they want you to take it personally, to be able to say you can't make me respect you. Which you can't.

As for the parents' evening, while that ship has sailed, the correct response to such parents is to say we are here to discuss your child. If you want to say anything about me, put it in writing. It sounds bold, but it's what I do. It's like putting salt on a slug. They never get back.

I mean this kindly, but you seem to have taken the views of an 11 year old disproportionately to heart. I honestly couldn’t tell you which of my KS3 students like me, or which don’t, because it doesn’t matter. I could tell you which ones do the work that is set, which are making progress, etc.

Would it work to switch the focus back onto that? So praise any work done correctly, challenge any inaccuracies. If the ‘hatefulness’ is expressed through bad behaviour, challenge the behaviour (following your school behaviour policy to the letter), not the student or their motive.

I suspect that mutual respect is easier to spot in FE, with older pupils who have chosen your subject, so one of the tricks in secondary school is to develop a very thick skin. It really doesn’t matter what they think of you, so long as they do the work and make some progress.

If you’re challenged on the content of your lesson in any future parents evening, could you try explaining that you’re following the school scheme of work, but you’ll pass feedback to the head of department (then maybe get the HOD to call the parent to nip any issues in the bud?)

I hope it improves

Oh, and I presume you’ve done this already, but if not, change the seating plan. Try two of them right at the back but at opposite sides and the other further forward, so that they can’t be in each other’s eye line.