Think I’m having a breakdown

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Utterly and completely overwhelmed and can’t think how to make it better.
I work every minute from the moment I get into school until I leave (about 5 as I have kids). I don’t usually manage to eat.
And nothing ever feels done, I’m not achieving anything.
I can’t sleep.
If I let myself think about my own children and how I’m letting them down, I just cry.
If I have time off sick, it’ll all be there, even more, when I get back.
It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just the job. Non-class based.

You need to see your GP, and you may need to be signed off sick, because you are sick. If you'd broken your leg, you wouldn't even attempt to get into work, and this is the same, but it's your brain that's broken instead of your leg.
You could end up being off sick for some time, so I'm assuming they would need to get someone else in to do your job, in which case the work won't still be there waiting for you for when you get back.

Whether you are signed off sick or not, you need to take some time for yourself to work out what it is about the job that is making you feel so ill. Is it something that could be discussed with management eg. could they get you an assistant? Or do you need to look for another job?

Thanks. It’s not the job, it’s me. But they won’t get anyone else to do it, so it’ll all be waiting. There’s no money for anyone else.

Funnily enough, I’m pretty sure I’d be going in with a broken leg.

Get signed off - they'll sign you off for 2 weeks initially. Spend that time getting your head straight a bit - if that means finding talk therapy (probably have to pay for it), or drugs, or just fresh air and time, then whatever.

I had a breakdown in a job 15 years ago (not teaching). I got signed off and it took a month to get back to 'work' - which wasn't my original job.

Argh. I just typed a long post and then lost it.

First off, you are not alone.

Secondly, you need some help:

• line manager?
• GP?
• www.educationsupport.org.uk?
• Union?

Thirdly, as a very wise colleague once told me: everyone is replaceable at work (you really are, whether it fees like it or not - and this is a good thing!); no one is replaceable at home. Put your focus on ‘getting better’ for you / your DC, not for your employer.

It was a strangely short breakdown! Thanks everyone. I made it in, did some work, spoke about some immediate work concerns with SLT. Had a short cry with HT who had some helpful suggestions. Also said to take time off if I needed but I don’t think I’ll need it now. I’ll reset at the weekend.