Lost my drive already, leave teaching?

[PassthebottleIamdone]

Returned from mat leave with dc3 in Sept. Dc now 8 months, 2 eldest primary aged.
I really threw myself in when I got back (all those 4 weeks ago!) Stayed late, worked in the evenings. Felt pretty overwhelmed most of the time and found it hard to adjust back. Lots of changes in school and really felt like I was chasing my tail. I've not been effective I'll admit. Had an observation last week and knew it wasn't amazing but wasn't prepared for the feedback to be quite as brutal and wholly negative. Not one positive point. I wasn't after a pat on the head for simply being back but I didn't think I deserved that. A few days on and I am still so deflated and lost all love for the job. Line manager and colleague have offered (off their own backs) peer support and observations to help but I simply can't be bothered! I really just want to not be there anymore or any teaching role. I want to be at home with my baby and there for my children. My confidence in doing the job is now zero and being a professional, it wouldn't be fair to any school to apply for somewhere else.
I'm in a real crossroads though as of course teaching is my profession. I've worked hard on building this career, earning more than any other job I look at, pension better, school holidays etc. But I'm looking longingly (and with Rose tinted glasses I'm sure!) At different jobs where I could just go, do it and come home without the extras. I must have transferable skills now and perfectly capable of some of these other roles.... though I'm sure they'd take one look at my teaching degree and think I'm not serious. Also, what to do about notice? If I hand my notice in soon, I still wouldn't even be available for another job until Jan. No other profession would do that so I would be taking a risk to hand it in and hope. I can't do that to my family (or finances!)
So, what to do..... I genuinely can't even think about teaching next week without feeling so low.

I’m only RQT and no kids so not the best person to answer but I didn’t want to read and run! Would your partner not be able to support you during those few months between your school contract ending and you starting a new job? If you still wanted School term time only contracts could you not look at things like HLTA, librarian, admin type jobs in schools or education related jobs for local authorities? That way you still have one foot in the world of education and I think everyone would understand that with small children you just can’t commit right now.

Interestingly one of the jobs I looked at was for a college library! But not term time only. I think you're right, I think I could look at other roles in education. I just don't know about the notice period issue. Whether I bite the bullet and hope I get something for Jan. I earn more than husband and we wouldn't be able to live on just his wage unfortunately. Understandably he's asked me to really think about things and not be so hasty after just one bit of bad feedback 4 weeks into returning. But he doesn't work in education so I don't think he really gets how this isn't a job you can just muddle through when you're heart isn't in it

I’ve been where you are under different circumstances and ultimately returned to teaching after a while although not mainstream. I would say apply for jobs but don’t hand your notice in yet. When you get a job if they really want you they will wait . Or wait til the summer when you have longer to look for a job while still being paid . Be aware that most jobs in education that aren’t teacher roles are poorly paid…

I understand that. I’m at a very supportive school and my classes are mostly lovely but I’ve still done about 3 hours of work this weekend and I’m tired of staying late in the evenings and the general apathy towards my subject as well as the inflexibility of the school day. I have told myself I will give it this year and maybe next year to see if it is for me long term but it really consumes you. If I have to retrain I’d rather do it before I have so many financial commitments I can’t.

If It helps some ex teachers who take the jobs you’re describing also do tutoring to top up their income. Either way I hope you find happiness x

Thank you both. Food for thought.
The poorly paid jobs are definitely putting me off leaving teaching. However, I do keep thinking that if I just do something like HLTA or school administration, I've kept my foot in the door for potentially returning later when my head is in it again.

Full time teaching with 3 children is really hard by all accounts. Are you primary or secondary?

4 days a week. Secondary SEN.

No positive feedback sounds like bad form and surely suggests an issue with the school as much as with you? Do you honestly believe you are so awful there was not one good thing to say? I find that completely unlikely. I know it's easier said than done but don't throw everything away over one bad, and likely unfair, observation.

Have a look at Thinking of Leaving Teaching on FB. Might give you some food for thought.

It was bad form and everyone is telling me that. It also sounds I am not the only one to experience it either in the past week. I definitely had positives, even just showing dedication and willing! So it is definitely a school issue too (or rather management). I am keeping my head down a little at the moment and trying to improve my confidence and self esteem a bit before making any big changes. I am looking at the jobs pages daily though to keep a lookout!

I’m in your shoes but a few months earlier than you by the sounds of it. My baby is only 2 months and every time someone asks me when I’m going back to work I could actually shudder at the thought of it. I hate my job. I realised I hated it in August 2020 after lockdown. I think being off really made it clear to me just how much I didn’t have one drop of enthusiasm or interest in it left. I went back to work after the summer and lasted until the end of the first week before suggesting we should have a baby. I just couldn’t see any other way out 🙈 Luckily I did happen to want a baby anyway 😂 I’ve since had my baby and now came to the decision that I either won’t go back after maternity leave or if I return I’ll just go back long enough to get something else sorted and so that I don’t have to repay any of my maternity pay. Since looking on here tonight I’ve found so many teachers in the same predicament. It’s like we have such a specialist qualification that we don’t think we’d be able to get any other job 😕

Lots of people are rethinking things. Good luck. Do what feels right for you and your family.
Since my post, I've actually now got an interview later this week at a new school for a slightly different role. I still haven't quite worked out if it is a sideways step or even a step down but I'm looking forward to finding out a bit more about it at the interview. I just need to make sure I can maintain part time.
I realised to reap the benefits of staying on the pay scale, holidays and pension that I needed to stay in teaching! Just applying for a new role and writing down all my experience and skills boosted my confidence. I think the rut I am experiencing is almost completely related to management and how they're treating us. I am not alone in my feelings and not the first so far to look to move already. It is a shame.
I can't believe in just a few weeks that I've gone from enthusiastically returning to school, rethinking my whole career and now potentially having a change to a new role! Teaching is a whirlwind!

@PassthebottleIamdone good luck with the interview, I’m sure you’ll do great! I was at my wits end a few years ago, in a really violent class with unsupportive management and I applied for a new role in my current school. It was a sideways step but revived my passion for teaching for a couple of years again. It’s fading away again now though and the school isn’t even that bad, it’s just the job as a whole 🙈 I’m looking into going back 2 days after maternity leave to keep the perks of paid holidays, permanent contract, guaranteed income etc but do something else online the other day or two to make it up to the equivalent of 3/4 days teaching. This might be the best of both worlds and I have time to find something else. I joined the Facebook group mentioned above and watched the videos, it’s brilliant 😊

Check out the Instagram account and podcast ‘Teacher Career Coach’. The host, Daphne, interviews teachers who have left and moved onto something outside of education or outside of classroom teaching. It helped me work out a plan to leave and I’ve just handed my notice. It is based on American schools but I think the information and concerns transfer to us just as well