I feel ready to quit

[Internetperson1]

I’ve just had such an awful day today. Truly truly feel like I can’t do this sometimes at all not for love nor money.

I love teaching. But sometimes I think n this is so hard.

I just watched a kid do something awful three times today like he didn’t seem to learn the first time. Then two more other students later on In the corridor were acting like maniacs. He literally fought like a maniac. I’ve never seen anything like it. Over menial things

I’m tired and they’re draining me. No matter what I do I can’t catch a break.

How do you all cope. I have been thinking about going into possibly private schools or just doing some more research around what I truly want. I’m feeling a bit broken today to be honest.

Everyone’s so helpful on here. I’m hoping someone can tell me what I’m feeling is normal so early in my career

It's normal to be knackered.
It's not normal to watch a child "do something awful three times". Did you try to intervene? Call for help?

In the kindest possible way, I'm not sure that is the school for you. You seem to be having a lot of problems one on top of the other, many of which shouldn't be escalating in the way they seem to be.

What help are your mentor and induction lead?

Yep, I intervened and fell myself trying to help them had to call for another staff member.

No idea who my induction lead is? Haven’t been intriduced to them?

What was the ‘something awful’ he did three times? And what does ‘acting like a maniac’ look like?

Not being facetious, genuinely asking because if you tell us what it was, we can help you work out if it’s ‘normal’ or not!

Hey atta girl. Don’t worry I know what you’re asking and how you mean it. I’ll explain properly. It all revolved round kicking throwing hard cover books and hard cover books flung at faces down a corridor.

Can’t lie. Was scary tbh but a lot of people tell me to get used to it like my friends or other people I trained with too.

I think you need to calm down. You seem very overwhelmed and every single thing seems to be bothering you.

True, some of what you have posted is unacceptable. But some of it is very typical of the job. You don’t seem to have the confidence to handle it. Totally fine, it’s difficult and not for everyone.

Maybe it isn’t the best place for you to be?

I know I agree. I’ts just teething issues but iys just hard some days and then I’m also not really too used to fights didn’t see many at placements tbh. Kids wouldn’t do it.

When did term start? Have you done two or three weeks? That really is very little time in any job to decide if it is for you.
Teaching is tiring. I'm sure you have been told that during your PGCE and can't believe you didn't experience it yourself during your placements. The start of a new year is a reshock to the system to even the most experienced teacher or TA, and moving schools is oftentough too. You are not yet a 'known' quantity and are still learning the craft.
My first year as a teacher was a baptism of fire after what I thought was a very tough final placement. The relentless, day after dayness of full time teaching (no PPA or ECT time in my day) with some kids who just played up repeatedly really wore me down.
But I kept plugging away and asking advice and watching how more experienced teachers handled difficult situations, andI copied them. We had some good days, then more good days than bad. I can't say I was sorry to pass that class on at the end of the year (primary) but I was very ready for my next class, and so much of what was a struggle in my first year became natural in my second year.
Teenagers do stupid, thoughtless, sometimes dangerous things. Most will grow out of it, or learn not to do it, in part because of teachers who care and keep plugging away.
Talk to your mentor, OP. Ask their advice.
This weekend, carve out some chunks of time to do some non-school things and to sleep! You can see now why people here responded to your requestsfor summer holiday reading by telling you to rest and enjoy the break - you need your holidays to rest and unwind and to build your strength for the next halfterm.
It does get better, it really does.Mainly because you will get better at the job. But if it turns out this isn't the school for you, that's fine too. You will have learnt a lot about yourself and the type of school that will fit you better. But not after 2 or 3 weeks.

What sort of reputation does your school have? And what’s the behaviour system like? Throwing books around a corridor isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard of, but it would be a ‘rarely happen’ in any of the schools I’ve worked in, and kids would be heavily sanctioned. Perhaps because of that, or perhaps because of experience, I wouldn’t be too phased. I’d chalk it up as a one off, then move on.

Like a PP said, you do seem overwhelmed. You’re asking lots of questions (great) about lots of different things (suggesting your mind might be all over the place). That’s relatively normal at the start of any career, but it’s probably helpful to focus on one thing and get that sorted before trying to make any big decisions (about new jobs / quitting / promotion / etc)

From what you’ve said, that ‘one thing’ should probably still be routines. Nail that and you’re one step on your way to a reputation as a fair / predictable / calm teacher and that will definitely help you in and out of the classroom.

Oh, and like @Scarby9 said, have a rest this weekend! Everything feels better after a sleep!

Thanks scarby and attagirl. I agree I’ll rest up and relax. Sometimes the understanding between yourself and a pupil can change after fights though. You just worry and think why would they do that to someone else.

Just out of interest what do you guys think is the worst thing n you’ve seen just so I can feel less worried about what happened at mine.

Actually inside my classroom, the worst thing I’ve seen is a child throwing a chair across the room. It was on my first day at a new school with an excellent reputation. The looks on the faces of the other pupils showed me that it was definitely a one off! Outside of the classroom, amongst pupils, fights (isolation), kid with a knife (exclusion), horrible racist slur (exclusion).

Generally though, the kids are fine. I’ve been much more affected by the bad behaviour of colleagues (or slt) than that of teenagers (who arguably also have the hormonal excuse for their unpredictability!)

I think the important thing is to be able to brush it off, realise it’s nothing personal, and get on with ‘real life’.

I know I know I really should brush it off. I do need to start getting a thicker skin. I saw a boys head repeatedly kicked on the playground on day 2 that was awful.

Why kids do this I don’t know. I just don’t get what process their brains go through. I simply don’t.

I know it’s very early but I feel my hearts not in it yet. I know I’m just being a loaner right now but I’ll defo take on your advice.

I feel exactly the same as you and have witnessed a lot of similar behaviour. Every lesson feels like an exercise in behaviour management with no enjoyment at all. I'm leaving teaching at xmas.

I know the feeling Julia. It’s not a great start at all for a lot of us. I image some of the disruption is. Eva use some kids missed so much schooling.

But it’s not sutainable. I think I want to stay in teaching but quit the job here. It’s not the job it’s just all the variables here are making to so unmanageable. I need to be able to look forward to work. Right now I’m not because the behaviour is just taking a toll on me and my mental health.

If the policies are unworkable, you'll never get a grip on behaviour. Consistency is key.

Feeling like this already is a bad sign.
Not knowing who your induction lead is is a bad sign.
I'd be looking elsewhere, personally.

How did you find behaviour at your placement schools? Better than here?

Saw this on my Facebook today. It helped with the way I’ve been feeling.

Hi Mrs hamlet. They’re workable to a degree. The kids don’t necessarily comply. They do get away with things aswell I have noticed.

I am hoping by Christmas jobs will start coming out. I’ll be looking around then. I love teaching and I’ll stick by that. It’s just not feeling right for me where I am now. Every day feels tough right now. I may need to give it more time but yeah I do second your comment about looking elsewhere.

Atta girl. I’d say the behaviour is a bit worse here. Placements weren’t perfect but they were a bit better in terms of behaviour. That was probably low level in comparison. Kids seem a bit more volatile here and sometimes I’m a bit scared i think

I think again it’s the behaviour that’s the problem and I know I need to toughen up but my gut just feels it’s not the place for me long term solely due to that. I feel it’ll away at me over time.

Teaching is bloody hard work. It takes it out of you physically, mentally and emotionally.
You have to learn not to sweat the small stuff (opening your email at work) but also you have to work out what works for you.
I couldn't work in a school with a steps or a restorative justice behaviour policy. We have a very simple system which works 98% of the time, and that makes my job easier. If I was applying for a new job, I would be asking about the behaviour policy.

Are you by any chance in your NQT year? My DD got so stressed and exhausted.

It really truly is hard work. It’s a thankless job I feel. But I still love it. There’s kids that honestly make the job so worth while and rewarding when they make amazing progress. How do you find the right school for you. I can’t really have a lot of time off. I know what I want and thays just a school with decent behaviour and policies that actually work. I may be asking for a lot but how do you find it?

Obvs as I’m only temporary Id love to know how I find the right place or is it trial and error??

Yup nqt. It’s the biggest step up from PGCE. It sets you up for a fall I think actually because half the things you don’t learn. The rug feels pulled from beneath you and you’re on your own. If I could go back I wouldn’t do a PGCE. I’d find a more pro active route.

It's not thankless if you're in the right place. I teach some absolutely bonkers kids but I know they value - even in a small way - what I do.
But what I do is consistent, fair, and clear. They might not make amazing progress academically (very few do in reality) but they're learning all sorts of things.
I've worked in two good schools and one good one which went bad. Its often a gut feeling

What subject are you OP?

There are a myriad of reasons why some students’ behaviour is really poor: special needs, diagnosed or not; poor role models at home, mental health issues; emotional problems; childhood trauma; domestic abuse; wanting attention, the list is almost endless.

But surely your PGCE covered these possible causes, at least in summary?