Hi everyone, I'm interested in your experiences and opinions, particularly if you struggled when you first started teaching.
I have just finished my RQT year in a great school that has a lot going for it. I really struggled in my NQT year with behaviour management and received some great support from a select few members of staff and pulled through. My RQT year has been better, but I still feel like I have some work to do on my behaviour management and forming relationships with tough students. Most other aspects of my teaching are going well and I have been praised a lot for the planning I've contributed to the department. I have made some great relationships with a select few members of teaching staff and generally on a day to day basis I just plod along nicely.
My concern is that I feel incredibly intimidated by senior members of staff, SLT, my HOD, even just more experienced members. I am concerned that many judge me for struggling and that my reputation may be stuck now after this. I know most people will not care enough to have an opinion but my gut is telling me that I am known as the girl that struggles a bit with tough classes. My school has a lot of extremely ambitious and confident leaders and those that are highly liked and respected are either those who arrived with experience, those who didn't struggle in their first year or those who are able to blag it and fake it until they make it. This is not me unfortunately, I lack self esteem and confidence in myself. In many ways I almost feel like my confidence is diminishing in this environment, like it is a sink or swim dynamic, in which I'm struggling to keep afloat amongst everyone else. It is a real catch 22 situation as this holds me back from putting myself out there and getting to know people. Basically, it has really effected my confidence to the point where I don't feel worthy of speaking to many people.
Even though I am not as confident as some extremely confident members, I am naturally quite an outgoing, bubbly individual and it makes me really sad that I can't be who I really am.
Should I move on? Will this change if not?
In the wider scale I also appreciate that there is a lot of good in my school. SLT are generally very fair. There are supportive measures in place to help staff. The head is the right mix of relaxed and professional and staff welbeing is a priority. I'm beginning to become more well known by the students. I have formed some good bonds with my team members. I have a great work/life balance and I am now pretty confident in what I am teaching having had two years experience of it.