Teacher, single, early 30s, feel in a total rut with career vs relationships.

[RegularBobHope]

I did my postgrad immediately after uni, so I've been teaching for 10 years now and I do love my job. I really do. I still enjoy laminating. I am good at it and I am in a school which is very supportive. There's a SLT job coming up and I've been asked to strongly consider it by the HT.

Buuuttttt

The last time I had a boyfriend I was 18 I've dated fairly frequently but no relationships otherwise. Teaching doesn't help.

Plan A is that I would be married and have a relationship within a few years, but it looks so so unlikely.

What does Plan B look like? Do I go for promotion? Will it just make me work even more?

Honestly, I have friends who prioritised career - and 'left it too late'to have a relationship and family - I have friends who have made it 'high'.. SLT, Assistant Heads, Heads, Advisors, when you get close they admit they are sad that they do not have children.

SMT will take up more of your life (if you let it) .. if you really want a family - I'd make sure I did things to open that door for me!

Don’t ‘not go’ for promotion to prioritise meeting a man!

Tbh while teaching is hard work it shouldn’t take up ALL your spare time. Join gyms, pursue hobbies, OD, and enjoy your down time.

I had my first baby recently and won’t return to middle management, I’ve stepped down to being a ‘normal’ teacher, but I wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t a mum.

My husband is on SLT and we met 7 years ago when he had just been promoted to assistant head of sixth form. He then became a HoD and now been on SLT for a few years. His job didn't hinder our relationship at all, plenty of people work incredibly demanding jobs and would never consider that something blocking their ability to have a relationship.

I think that a difficulty with teaching is that the job will take as much from you as you let it. Set yourself some firm boundaries to give yourself the time to enjoy life away from work.

I was single at 33 when I became a teacher. Was deputy head by 37, met my partner the same year, had a child at 40. I'm SLT now, but not DH. Earn more in current school than I did as DH in my old school. Have been offered NPQH often, so must be considered an option for headship. I don't want it though.

So... don't let the job define the rest of your life.

I hear you. I stayed in an unhappy relationship through my 30a because I felt I didn't have time to split up. Unsurprisingly I now regret this! I think you need to separate the two issues. Go for promotion if that is what you want, but you need to carve out time in your life for things outside work. Work will always expand to fit the time available, you need to set yourself strict boundaries and commit to spending time on other things.

I could have written your post about 8 years ago. I continued to pursue my career in the hope that I'd meet a man along the way. Unfortunately that didn't happen for me. I'm quite shy in my personal life and all of my friends were married and had children so were unavailable on evenings and weekends. After a time I became more and more lonely. I reached a point where I was getting to work at 7.30am, leaving at 6pm, going home sitting on the sofa watching to at the most and then starting again the next day. Plus the course I was doing for work had fortnightly sessions until 9 pm two hours from where I lived. I enjoyed my life less and less due to very little balance. I then decided to attempt to change my life for the better. I was 37 and really wanted a baby but thought without a man that it wasn't possible. Anyway I managed to get pregnant using fertility treatment and am now very happy with my child . I still work full time and I'm a head of department. I changed schools so I was closer to home rather than a 40 mins drive as previously and my child is in an amazing nursery during term time which is around the corner from my school. I tell you this, not to suggest doing things the same way I did but to say if you want to go for promotion now, go for it. There is no harm in stepping back again in a few years time if you need or want to . You don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next. So make the decision you want to make for you in the present.

Thank you for all your posts. I've chewed over it for a while but ultimately, I know I am crap at setting boundaries and I won't apply atm. If I change my mind in years to come, I'm sure there will be jobs, but I know that I need to make changes now and it will be easier for me to do that in class.

Rather dreading someone with 2 years' teaching being appointed, but heyho.