Hello all! I have posted here before around Christmastime, when I was wondering if I should drop out due to what I then thought was "just" (and I'm not downplaying this at all) severe depression. Well, in the time since then it has transpired that I have bipolar 2. For me, this involves periods of deep, deep depression (weeks or months at a time) and periods of hypomania (increased energy, focus, mental clarity, productivity)-- these normally only last for around a week, mercifully.
I am currently in one of those deep, deep depressions again, and I really do not think I can go on with my PGCE. My training school is great for the most part, quite badly organised but generally friendly and the department is really supportive. My lessons go well and I get good feedback.
Despite all of that, I can't feel anything close to happiness, ease, or anticipation. I just feel totally flat with occasional flashes of agonising sadness. When I'm normal/hypomanic, I can do really well. I stay on top of all my work, plan everything in a logical and coherent way, and I'm really good at identifying exactly what a particular class needs to work on to make progress.
At the moment, I can't do any of that. I am just done. So... what are my options? Do I have any? I have spoken to my uni and they can't do much to help me at all. One of the course directors "helpfully" suggested that my diagnosis made me automatically unsuitable for teaching, while another suggested that I take a week off on sick leave and then come back. Has anyone dropped out of a PGCE then gone on to complete SCITT training later in life? What are the funding implications? Would I need to pay back my bursary?
A lot of questions, apologies-- just extremely, extremely sad and anxious lol