I don't know how to support a child in my class. Advice gratefully received!

[CandleWick2]

He's Y4 and his dad passed away 2 years ago, which obviously affected him greatly. He's so keen to please that he doesn't listen- e.g. handwriting exercise was passed out today. Before handing it out I asked them only to write their name and date, and I repeated this several times while handing it out, including an individually named instruction to him (and I deliberately gave it to him last). I turned around and he'd scribbled through the entire thing and was proudly holding it out to me saying 'I'm done!'

He never lets anyone else have a word in, yells out answers, interrupts carpet time, pushes to the front etc. He's draining but at the same time, he's a child who really loves school. He see his behaviour as trying hard. I spoke sharply to him today and he looked heartbroken.

I tried a reward chart but it made him worse!

You sound like a lovely caring teacher.

Not listening to instructions is a problem. If a child in my class didn’t do the task as I expected & instructed, they would have to redo it. Have a spare sheet ready every time so you can give it to him to redo whenever he rushes.

For calling out etc, it’s partly being super consistent that it is not acceptable and then also teaching him to notice that he’s doing it. Could you try giving him tokens that he has to ‘spend’ on sharing his ideas. Once they’re gone, he has to wait until he gets restocked (think 3 per lesson or something like that).

Then I’d be coupling all the tough love & high expectations with some proper focused time 1:1 with me - a regular break or lunch slot where you do something following his interests together or in a small group eg I’ve started clubs before for children or even just had ‘chat time’ with that child. Ideally he would have some regular ELSA support re his bereavement too.

It is terribly sad that his dad died and of course that will have an impact on him but it sounds a little like everyone has been so concerned with treating him kindly because of that, his boundaries have got lost along the way, and long term that will do him no favours. Catching and recognising all the great stuff, whilst rigorously reinforcing the boundaries, will no doubt be exhausting for you but hopefully make all the difference for him long term.

Can you carve out some nurturing 1-1 time with an adult? I know this is tricky but it sounds like it would really benefit him.

He could have a session where he spent half the time doing activities that made him feel noticed and cared for. Making hot chocolate, decorating cakes, making art-work, sharing songs and stories and chatting. Then the second half of the session practicing "wait" games. Where he has to follow specific instructions or wait for his turn using a sand timer.

In class, could you use timers to show him how long he has to wait, rehearse following instructions with him through fun simple games and make him feel noticed and needed by making him your helper and giving him jobs to do.

A good game we play to combat shouting out is this:

I ask a few simple questions then invite somebody to "zip"
That basically means they stand at the front with mouth "zipped" and watch for the next loudest person, who then also gets called up. It's great for weeding out the vocal ones so the quiet ones get a chance to shine.

He sounds like he needs a huge amount of praise, nurture and validation so try to find creative ways that he can receive that whilst also maintaining clear boundaries and expectations.

EG in the case of the sheet I would have had spares a nd produced a second sheet "that first draft was quite rushed, now try this one more slowly and carefully".