Crippled by lack of confidence

[Rankin11]

I recently moved schools and took on HOY. I am young - late twenties. As you can imagine, everyone is really busy at the moment and existing in their own bubbles within the school. This has meant I haven't built many relationships at the school, even with the year group as I began the role in January. I have muddled my way through and feel for the most part I've done my best.
When I lie in bed at night I think about things I could've handled differently or better, I worry about parents complaining about me, I worry the tutors think I'm an idiot.
I've always had good feedback on my capability and professionalism, and this is my second pastoral role in my five years in teaching, suggesting I seem worthy of promotion. But then I just feel one day I'll be caught out as a fraud. I know this is known as Imposter Syndrome.
I fear I don't have the confidence or assertiveness for HOY and feel like it's all going to crash around my head.

You’ve had a bit of a wobbly start with Covid and I am sure that you’d concerns about being criticised by tutors and parents are unfounded. If there was an issue you would be made aware of it - so don’t waste your valuable sleep time worrying!

Is there any coaching available through your school or trust? Perhaps it would be good to have some to help you feel more confident in your role?

You’ve done really well to get where you are - be proud! You can bet a bloke in your position wouldn’t be feeling so much of an imposter! I think it’s a common feeling for women. Remember that you have applied, interviewed and got these roles - you’ve earned them - nobody was forced to give you these jobs. You can definitely do it.

Thank you - this is good advice!
In regards coaching etc, I made the move to independent and am finding the opportunities for CPD and mentoring are thin on the ground to be honest. I think pining for the support systems available to me in the large inner city state school I came from are contributing to my feelings of drowning!
I know some coaching services run independent of schools. Perhaps I could look into something like that.
The silly thing is I'm from a family of teachers, including a mother who did 30 years in the profession, but somehow their advice and reassurance doesn't sink in.

It's quite a difficult time to have become HoY right in the middle of covid. I also recognise the private school thing - I went from a teacher in a state school to an HoD in a private and there was no support, no network, I just had to figure it out and wing it for a while. You were offered the job for a reason - you've got the right skills and experience and there is no reason why you won't be successful. Imposter syndrome is hard to shake but remind yourself that you got offered this job for a reason. Are there any teacher support groups on facebook for your role? For example I have joined some really handy subject groups over the years that are supportive and focused - perhaps there is something similar ?