Really want to tell a parent to fuck off!

[Etotheipiplus1equals0]

Parents evening tonight (virtually of course). A parent accused us of not having taught a thing since March . We’ve been working our butts off. Her child has not submitted work and has not responded to emails. He is the only student out of 70 to fail a recent assessment we set. She just cannot see that it might be her child at fault and not us. I can’t make him work from my house!! Lots of positive comments tonight but it’s really overshadowed it all. I shouldn’t let it get to me but I’m sooo exhausted from night after night working late and it’s just made me so angry....

one of those parents. Don’t let her take the shine off all the other positives from the other parents.

Thanks. You’re right but I’m struggling to let it go...

This would really annoy me too. I'm not sure what you can do about it though!

You definitely deserve a glass of wine or whatever after that, though!

Thanks. Wine was had! It wasn’t even me who had to deal with the parent last night but due to my position it’s all been passed on to me. Anyway I’m trying to forget her for half term. I had been previously warned she was ‘tricky’. Just don’t understand how people can be blind when it comes to their own children...

Has he been an issue in other subjects as well? I had to swallow my pride and 'make nice' with a parent the other week just to keep the peace - ugh!

I was once shouted at by a parent because I didn't 'fight hard enough' to keep their child attending a voluntary lunchtime beginner recorder club.

Aged 6 and 7. Free club. 20 mins once a week. Only requirement to practise in between.

This child (and two others) didn't practise but said they wanted to continue so I offered an additional lunchtime catch-up session just for them for two weeks to bring them up to speed. The other two attended; this child didn't. Then said he didn't want to do recorders any more.

Fair enough.

It happened to be parents' night that week so I mentioned this and asked if they were okay with him giving up. They said he just didn't seem that interested and he might start another instrument when he was older. We agreed.

First week back after the holidays, the child turns up to recorder club. 'I thought you weren't coming anymore', I say. He stays, but has no idea of the notes etc. I again offer catch-up sessions, this time 1-1.

Next day his mum comes into the corridor as everyone is arriving and taking off coats etc and YELLS at me in front of all the children and other parents that I had no right to call myself a teacher, that her son loved music but I hadn't made any effort to support him and had tried to put him in detention for making some mistakes in the club.
I calmly (on the outside) tried to explain, including that he and they had said he didn't want to play, but she threw his recorder down on the flooor and stormed off shouting ' You just couldn't be bothered to fight to encourage him to carry on'.

Utterly bizarre, but I was shaking as I started the day and still, 30 years on, occasionally wake in the night to the shock and injustice of the attack.

That’s awful @Scarby9! It is the injustice that grates- we’ve worked so hard and her child had put no effort in, not just in lockdown but over the last 1.5 years, all documented and reported. But it’s our fault. Yes, he does have issues in other subjects too.
Another parent felt we should be doing extra 1to1 sessions with his child as she’s not working and prompting via email isn’t enough. I mean in an ideal world that would be great but when exactly are we meant to fit these in? Just feels like they have no idea...

It is the ferling of injustice - you are right!

Contrary to popular belief, we really do want all our pupils to do well and will go above and beyond to help them without resenting the time or money. Until you get a kick in the teeth like that and it is so tempting to think ' Why do I bother?'.

The moment I get a sniff of this nonsense, I email a screenshot of grade book on TEAMS. It gives their child’s name with a list of the assignments with ‘not turned in’ next to each one. For some reason this works like a charm in opening a parent’s eyes - I think the fact that it’s factual rather than hearsay. I’ve had about five parents back down after getting the image in conjunction with a shed load of recordings of lessons missed.

That’s a good idea @likeafishneedsabike. I’m just leaving it for now and hoping I don’t have to follow up after half term. Apparently she’s hired a tutor so they will have the joy of teaching him

It’s not that I have anything against tutoring - my own DS will prob need a Maths tutor in secondary to reinforce the learning and build confidence. But it makes me RAGE when a tutor is used to deflect the real issue. ‘If your child attended/engaged in classes and actually completed some set work, there would be no need for a tutor in the first place. DO SOME WORK!’
I suppose throwing some money at the problem makes them feel as if they are doing something (instead of doing some parenting).

I have found this digital learning genuinely fascinating in terms of parental involvement. With a number of very challenged Year 9s, I’m on first name terms with the parents! I email to say the work is not done (sometimes live in the midst of an online lesson) they kick the arse of the child, child does the work, parent and I exchange a further email of solidarity. Job done.
Other parents - often of less challenged kids who can’t be bothered - want to defend their child and claim that everything is being done, their child is fully engaged in online learning and all that claptrap when this is clearly not true. As I say, these are often the more advantaged families who don’t see their job as kicking some arse.
It’s an insight I’ve never really had before.

OP, I teach in an indy so we get this kind of shit all the time. You know - "I'm paying your wages so you are my employee" kind of attitude.

After the summer reports last year, one parent complained about a report written by a member of my department, claiming it lacked specifics and didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. This colleague had already handed in her notice & was moving to another school, so she wrote him a completely IDGAF email, saying everything that so many of us had been dying to say for so long to entitled parents

The same parent couldn't attend parents' evening in the autumn, and requested an email on DC's progress. I received an effusive response, thanking me for the information I had sent. Lesson learned, I like to think.

(Outing, but I don't care!)
The most obnoxious parent I had the misfortune to deal with in 28 years of successful teaching was a mother of triplets, of which one, the boy was the most unpleasant, arrogant brat I had ever encountered. He was manipulative, creepy, 2-faced and utterly lazy at my subject. Despite this, I patiently tolerated him (he was one of those kids who can disrupt the whole class with breathtaking, pre-planned rudeness which completely undermined my otherwise good relationship with them) because I knew that if I showed a chink of how I really felt about him, the floodgates would open. So at Parents' Evening the entitled mother gave me a loud, protracted and public lecture about what a disorganised and weak teacher I was, how her son was being let down, and how she was planning to make a formal complaint about my incompetence. It was breathtaking as I never, in the rest of my career, had anything other than good relationships with the kids and their parents. This was a first for me. I was so shocked and humiliated that I just took it, and didn't really respond. I have never forgotten it, though, and wish that I could. I also wish that I could have told her to f* off, my husband as an engineer was highly sympathetic and told me that, however hard his job was, in circumstances like this, that was par for the course in his sector. I was extremely jealous of that! Needless to say, the threat was empty, the child passed his GCSE with a C (he could have gained a higher grade if he wasn't such a lazy little so and so) and no more was said. The level of obnoxiousness was, however, unbelievable.

It can be so upsetting can't it when one horrid parent overshadows all the good remarks? Ill tell you my favourite come uppance story with a parent to try and cheer you up! Vile child. Vile mother. Child had called me an f ing c-word. (Except he obviously used the exact language!) Called mum in, told her that son had used inappropriate language.
Her "im sure it wasn't that bad. You're over reacting.'
Me: it was very bad, I can assure you.
Her: "for gods sake. It wouldn't have been. What did he say? Tell me. Bum?"
Me: 'you're an f-ing c word'.
I obviously chose to use the real words too for absolute accuracy...
Summed up everything I wanted to say to her in her child's own words...ahhh, lovely...