I recently started a job as a teaching assistant in a special needs junior school. I absolutely LOVE the job and really enjoy working with the children. However my background is in nursing and not schools and so the environment is utterly alien to me.
Ever since I started there have been small things which seems to show my utter inexperience. It’s stuff like predicting behaviours in children and being able to anticipate and then manage them which is showing up.
Knowing where to place myself in the classroom during certain activities.
Knowing how to talk for maximum effect but not so much I lose what I am trying to say.
I’ve been reminded that I need to leave my “Mum hat at the door” which is hard for me as I am a Mum but even before that I was maternal. I am working on this as the whole ethos is helping the children be independent.
I started at the same time as a couple of others and it hasn’t escaped my attention that they are not having to be guided quite so much as I am.
I suppose what I am really thinking is about whether or not I am right for the job. I love the role but the last thing I want to is to be the TA that teachers have a heart sink feeling about. In short I don’t want the teacher to have to “carry” me if that makes sense. I can see how much work they already have to do.
I think what’s brought it all to a head was an incident a few days ago where a child tipped over some work which then became muddled. The deputy head has said it may be that this lesson will have to be re-taught.
Now I managed that particular activity and the children in small groups came to me for it. The children all did an amount of work with me and tbh I thought it had gone well apart from the group where the child muddled up the materials required.
In addition another child began to undress in the classroom and because I was already dealing with him and trying to find his PE kit it was assumed that I was going to change him in full view of everyone else. I wasn’t and would NEVER do this. Tbh I am upset anyone would think that of me and again wondering if this is because they have developed the opinion that I need “watching.”
I am starting to feel pretty low about it all not helped by the fact that five years out of work has massively knocked my self confidence.
I’ve been out of work for five years as my son is autistic and has had lots of problems. Things are settling down and this was supposed to be a new start for me in living life again.
As I said I love the job, love the school, love the children and am enthusiastic. I take part willingly in all events and help the children take part in things they find difficult. I get in early to help the class teacher by setting up the classroom for the start of the day. In short I want to be the best support I can but am beginning to wonder if I will even be good enough for the role...and that perhaps it just isn’t something which will ever come naturally to me,
I am actually out today as my son has been throwing up all night hence I am able to sit and write this.
Am I overthinking things...being over sensitive?
Should I persevere and hope that experience brings more confidence and better management? It’s not even a big class...less than 15 children. If I can’t cope in such a small class is there any hope I’ll be able to do this job effectively?
I literally have nobody I can talk to about this except here? Is it worth me talking to someone in the SLT about things and seeing what they thing?