'That's against my human rights!' (slightl lh)

[dalishelf]

Because we all need to laugh, otherwise we'd cry.

What are the most outlandish/outrageous/downright ridiculous things a student has said to you? I realise this is veering towards secondary, but I'm sure primary has some gems!

I always get the 'Miss, you can't stop me going to the toilet/having a drink of Coke/letting me wear my trainers because it's against my human rights!'

What are yours? Students or parents remarks accepted!

My ds was moaning at receiving a detention for not doing a maths test paper given to him as homework (as he didn’t do it properly the first time) his reason? “It would’ve taken me at least 2 hours and teachers aren’t legally allowed to give us homework that takes that long!”

I’m not sure where he got his information from but he was given short shrift by myself and dh rest assured. In fact, I said I’d have given him a double detention!

Three girls repeatedly walked in and out of my classroom today. When I asked them to stop because it's my working space, I was met with
"We can do what we like! It's not yours, it's the council's so we can use it as much as you" :/

I asked a child to pick up some craft resources he had dropped on the floor. He told me that he would call childline and ofsted to report me for child abuse. Needless to say he got in a lot more trouble than he expected, and was reminded how lucky he is to have adults in his life who don't abuse him!!

"my dad PAYS your wages"

OP when I tried that line on my DM in my teens, she just looked me up and down calmly and said, 'dont you have to be human for those?'

@sparklfairy sounds like something my DM would say!

I teach in a middle school which feels like the worst of both worlds sometimes. The parents have the same desire to be involved as the did in primary but the children have the attitude of teenagers. I’ve had parents tell me I’m making the tests too hard so their child won’t get an A. (I live abroad - we do assign A-F grades for all end of unit tests). I’ve also been told I’m being unreasonable for writing a test which includes material from unit 1 and unit 3. I teach maths. Unit 1 was the number system and unit 3 is multiplication and division. It is impossible to write a multiplication and division test which does not require understanding the number system but somehow it was unfair.

Not outrageous or outlandish but my favourite thing was when A 5 year old said "miss miss, James is following me"
My reply, "he will do, he's next in the dinner queue"

Just this week from a year 9 who had been told off for an incident. "I'm going to tell my mum on you" Response was "Oh don't you worry about that, I will be contacting your mum myself this afternoon" he back-tracked very quickly when he realised that his mum would hear the true story from the teacher before he got to lie to her.