Should I say something to the school?

[Punxsutawney]

Although I do work as a member of support staff in a school, I'm asking this as a Mum.

Ds is 15 and recently diagnosed with autism. He also some mental health issues.

His school has not been a happy place for him at all. He is incredibly quiet and struggles to communicate his needs. We feel that we have had to push for support for him.

Things came to a head last year and a member of the SLT intervened and promised us that things would improve. Since September though things haven't been great, Ds has been picked on again because of his difficulties and another issue regarding funding some support for him has upset us.

Ds is in an intervention group that has about 7 pupils in it. I don't know the teacher at all but he is relatively new to the school. He's made a couple of comments that Ds has come home and mentioned to us, he wasn't particularly upset but was worried enough to tell us. The teacher had previously called Ds 'a man without friends' and this week told him that he 'would not last a day' in the sixth form he has applied for. This was said on front of the other pupils in the group.

Ds is quite a vulnerable student and I don't think comments like this are particularly appropriate. I'm also aware that at the moment because of what has been going on everything about the school seems to upset me. I'm concerned that this is clouding my judgement.

Is this worth pursuing with the school or should I just encourage Ds to be resilient and ignore any further comments as he wasn't too upset? I want to advocate for him as he often can't speak up for himself but I think we are already considered to be difficult parents because we have had to push for SEN support.

Those comments are inappropriate, especially in a small intervention group with vulnerable students! You really need to raise this with the school.

Comments sound tone deaf to me.

I would want to know the context in which those comments were said to DS. Were the comments part of a wider conversation or intended to belittle DS?

For example, "a man without friends" may have been a snide comment, but it may also have been a comment to DS if he was talking about his difficulties over friendships eg "I can see you're struggling DS, you seem like a man without friends, is there anything I can help with?".

Equally "would not last a day" may have been putting DS down and feels dismissive on it's own. But if DS was showing behaviour that was continually disrupting himself and others in the intervention group from learning, then the teacher saying, "Look DS, you're going to have an issue going forward if you don't settle and get on. I know that in college they won't accept this behaviour at all and you won't last a day. Take a deep breath, and refocus" then that would be OK IMHO.

Ultimately, talk to the school, don't let it fester and make you doubt their intentions.

Thanks, I'm thinking it was probably part of chat within the small group. Ds is considered 'high functioning' but he doesn't always read everything that is said to him correctly. His SEN plan does make it clear not to use unambiguous language with him and make sure he understands what is being said although that is probably more difficult with informal chat.

Ds is very quiet and would not normally talk within a large class situation. He doesn't have any behaviour issues so I don't think that would have prompted the remarks.

The school Ds is applying to is a local secondary modern. Ds is at a state selective. The teacher used to work at the secondary modern and had chatted before to the group about it being 'rough'. I think the comment may have been more about Ds not coping because he a very quiet, gentle young man but of course that's my interpretation of the situation and I wasn't there.

Ds had a very unpleasant experience with a teacher not long after he started at the school. At the time he pleaded with me not to report it, so I didn't. Further down the line the teacher ended up being sacked after doing similar things to other pupils. I regretted my decision to keep quiet then.

Ds and our experiences of the school are overwhelming negative so I do wonder if it does make me jump to the wrong conclusions. Although I also want to make sure I step in when needs be. It's probably not a good idea to let it fester though.