NQT is tearing us apart

[PopTheRainbowdrops]

My husband is doing his NQT year at the moment. We have a one year old and a three year old. And it surely can't be right. He's having nightmares, sleepless nights, barely talks to me, has no patience for anything or anyone.

We thought his PGCE was hard, what with me being pregnant and a newborn and then him having two pretty rough schools as his placement (one of them kids were chucking chairs and it took three teachers to stop it). We thought that his NQT school would be better, hard work but better. It is in some ways, he's not up until midnight preparing lesson plans etc, the school actually has things he can use. But I can tell he's not happy. He's said he's not happy.

I don't know if I should be telling him to cut his losses or encourage him to stick with it. But if he keeps on like this and it keeps heading in this direction I don't know if there will be an us.

Oh, and we've just bought a new house with a massive mortgage so he'll need a well paid job to change to if he does cut and run...

Ugh. I came from a family of teachers, I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't expecting it to be this hard and have such an impact on our family and relationship.

I can totally sympathise with your husband as I left the profession during my NQT+1 year. I'd had a successful first year at a brilliant school but it was a cover contract, moved and it was dreadful. I cried everyday, it was hell on earth. I was going to be put on a support plan and jumped before I was pushed.

I was lucky as I wasn't the main earner. I taught secondary but I joined an agency and did primary supply, just day to day stuff, nothing long term. It was OK- obviously no pay in the hols but I did A level marking to supplement my income. I was then pregnant with my second and didn't return to teaching.

I still work in education but now in academy governance. If you can possibly afford to your DH should get out, at least to another school, maybe private.

Hey, I'm an NQT too, and as I understand it, he should have been given an overall pass/fail for term one. I had a long form to fill out with my mentor, and there was an option for pass/needs additional support/action plan. AFIAK, although the form etc will be different, he should be given an overall grade not standard by standard as he might have been during his PGCE.

Personally, I think having nightmares etc is beyond normal. It is a tough year- I have some really tough classes and there are times when I have really struggled, especially being ill towards the end of last term. Has he spoken to anyone about his mental health? Personally, I'd suggest he speaks to a GP about this as it does sound like he is very stressed.

I think once he has spoken to his GP, it is worth him speaking to his mentor/HoD about how tough he is finding it and seeing if there is anything he can be offered in terms of help/support. They won't want to lose him at this stage in the year.

However, if he is really struggling, I think there is no shame in considering all his options- it will be harder for your family if he has a breakdown and ends up unable to work.

I also struggled during my NQT year, I was always told I was a very good teacher, good observations but it was a difficult school, heavy workload and difficult pupils. I would arrive at 7.15 and leave at 6.30 everyday and still took mountains of work home with me every evening and worked all day Sunday. I wanted to leave for most of my NQT year but somehow I got through it.

I have to say organisation is half the battle as a teacher, there's always a never ending list of shit to get done and I have learnt to prioritise and be super organised. Every TA I have worked with in the last 8 years since I left that school has always commented on how organised I am. It will get easier but teaching will never be easy.

However the grind of full time teaching and some massive personal issues meant I had enough over the last two terms and I handed in my notice and left at Christmas. Have signed up for supply teaching and already have a dream job booked in until May (small group SATs tutoring in my degree subject).

I would advise he talks to the school, his mentor, HOD and tries to come up with ways to get through the year at least. He's 1/3 through and it will mean he has plenty of options at the end of it.

Why did he choose to do it in the first place? Can you remind him of that? If he's not an organised person I don't see how teaching can be for him

PGCE and NQT years are the 2 hardest years.
He is 3/4 way through - it would be a shame to not hold on in there to complete.

On top of those two incredibly demanding years in his work, you've had a toddler and a new baby and you've moved house - again, some of the most stressful life situations.

He needs to focus on 'getting done' what he needs to tick off and (at this point) stress less about the things he'd like to do that aren't so important at the moment.
You need to really make sure you are doing all you can to give him the time to get through the next 7 months.
Once he has his teaching qualification he can look at more options about what you are going to do, going forwards.
Schools do vary hugely, depending mostly on SMT, but also demograph of pupils, and other factors