Dilemma-to go in on this day or not.

[Glitterygracie]

Hi! Please help me make my mind up here. I teach in a SEMH school with a year 1-year 3 girls group this year. They are one of the toughest classes I've ever taught in my career, plus we are over full so a big (for us) class. This term has been chaos.

Over half term I was asked by the head to attend a half day event with 45 mins travelling to get there. She offered me a day's pay or a day off in lieu. I asked for the day off in lieu and picked this Friday as my 11 year old dd has a Christmas meal that the parents attend (she is desperate for me to go as I can never usually make it) it's a big deal in her school and obviously her last one.

Now, it's become obvious that SLT have done nothing to arrange cover for this day, plus one other staff member is also absent that day and a third will be late in. Also it's Christmas jumper and party day which sounds nice but in reality results in worse behaviour because they can't cope, so I'll leave them in a mess if I take the day off basically. I know if I offer to do the morning the head teacher will accept without a second thought but should I?

The event I attended was only half a day so I feel guilty taking a whole day in lieu. Plus I feel awful that my staff and kids will probably have a difficult day without enough staff.

On the other hand I know that if I go in I'll end up embroiled in a crisis and potentially miss the event. Plus, selfishly I've been clinging to this day off like a lifeline as this term has been such a struggle.

What would you do? Thanks.

Your daughter knows you are coming to her meal?

Well you can't let your daughter down!!!

Simple!!

The world won't end if you don't go into work that day!! It's been agreed you can have it off. Put your daughter first!!!

Definitely take the day off in lieu as has been arranged.

I agree, you booked it ages ago in agreement with your head, and you should put you and your dd first. Have a lie in, go shopping, have the lunch and enjoy GUILTFREE!

I'm not planning to offer the whole day, just the morning then leave and go to the meal..... except that once you're in the middle of a crisis it can be tough to get away( that's how I lose most of my lunch breaks ) I know that dd and I would both be gutted if I couldn't make it.

If you were ill they would cope. And that’s without notice. So they will cope given that they’ve had notice. Enjoy your lunch with dd.

Just in case it’s not clear enough: DON’T GO IN.

Have a lovely day off.

Take the whole day off. She offered you a full day because you went in during your holiday.

Don't let your daughter down and don't feel guilty.

Do not go in!

Just go to your daughters meal and dont feel guilty xx

I teach in similar circumstances and, still feeling like my youngest lost a whole year of me when I had my most challenging class, my own children now come first. Every time. As do the children of all my TAs. We bend over backwards to support each other being there for our own children . It makes us better staff members in the end - no resentment, get to put all the great relationship stuff into place with our own kids etc.
I don’t mean we get to go to every assembly, sports day etc. As a teacher I never do. But poorly children, PPA and WELL EARNED DAYS OFF IN LIEU are sacrosanct.

It seems everyone is in agreement!
TAKE FRIDAY OFF, don’t feel guilty, enjoy the lunch and seeing your DDs face when you appear. Think about the many times you’ve covered for other staff. Even if the Head has to take your class.....it’s your day off. Have a wonderful time 🎄

Thanks for providing much needed reassurance everybody

Take the day off as arranged - it really is that simple. Your colleagues may be disappointed you’re not enjoying the ‘fun’ of Christmas jumper day with them but nowhere near as disappointed as your daughter will be if you don’t make lunch with her. Which is more important?

Yes dont go on.

Please don't go in, you need to hang on to the little pockets of joy...lunch with your daughter is one of them.

If you do go in, even for the morning, then you are solving the SLT’s problem for them, and they won’t feel the need to arrange cover on the next occasion either.
They need to see the consequences of not providing cover for you/your colleague, maybe then they will realise just how hard you work and value you a little more. It’s not like they haven’t had enough notice, the day in lieu was their suggestion!

Do not go in, but perhaps remind them that you won’t be there on Friday?

Be sure to take the day off. If it goes tits up with the class, it’s not your doing.

Family first. If you missed your daughter meal at 11 and her last one in primary school she will remember always. School will cope.

It was agreed you have time off in lieu. Don't let them pressurise you or even guilt yourself. Take the day

Take the day, definately! And don't spoil it by feeling guilty either. School will cope and you've prearranged it so its their issue not yours!

Family first. Take the day as agreed, SLT have a responsibility to sort this. It's just another day at work, but a special day for your daughter. What will you both remember in ten years time?

I also work in an SEMH school, so I completely understand why you’d feel like you should go in.. I’d be the same,, but then I’d remember all of my DSs school events that I’d missed. Take the day off, enjoy it.

to echo all other posters ^^ day off was offered -you accepted they have done nothing to cover you so -tough shit to them, its your day you earned it have a lovely time with your daughter

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Do NOT go in! Your daughter comes first. Sorry to say it, but you're not unmissable. I'd selfishly relish the fact that you're missing one of the most stressful days of the year

Dear god- don’t even think twice