Why oh why to parents think it's ok to bitch about schools on social media?

[Dauphinois]

I'm so fed up with it.

Surely if you have something to say, going directly to the school and working together to put it right is the way forward?

I'm sick of people twisting what was said and personally attacking staff over the most minor things what could easily be resolved with a quick chat.

I'd love to know how other schools handle this.

Oops, typo in title
*do

I am not a teacher however our head handled directly. We had a couple of letters that basically said this . As a parent I liked this .

You are assuming that schools are willing to listen and engage openly and honestly. And that they'll admit it when they get things wrong.

Sadly, one of our schools is not and won't, and hundreds of parents are currently venting about it online ... and a petition to force things to change is going viral.

Got a letter just today asking people not to discuss issues in whatsapp groups and stir things up. It did make me wonder what the concerns were!

Sadly I've approached the school many times. I vent on social media occasionally when my frustration and very unhappy child gets the better of me.

I don't think parents realise that someone always tells the school when there is bitching on WhatsApp.

We got a letter from our school once politely asking us to not complain about the school on social media. But to the parents who did complain defence the headmaster was diabolical and his decisions regarding how he ran the school were pretty ridiculous and upset a lot of parents. And when you did approach him to complain he'd get all defensive. He quit in the end.

I just think it's the most ineffective way to complain!

Every school has a complaints policy that goes right up to the Secretary of State! If you want to complain, follow the right channels and you might get somewhere. What to people moaning in social media expect to achieve ( petitions aside...)

And if course it always gets back to the school. Why would you want to alienate the very people who spend 30 hours a week with your child?!

I left a Facebook parents’ group because of bitching about the school, or other parents, and even some not very veiled references to certain dc. I don’t agree with it.

That said, I have twice (in five years) emailed my DC’s school with a valid concern and didn’t even receive an acknowledgement so I can kind of see why it happens

And I'm not talking about valid complaints here, I'm talking about the petty bollocks, the personal attacks on staff, the 'outrage' when parents have been politely reminded of school rules that have been in place for years, that kind of thing.

Some people know to vent to their friends if the school has been a bit shit on something. Those are sensible people.

Some people love a good hysterical whinge and are also prone to drama llama behaviour. They couldn't possibly behave like sensible or rational adults, so instead they smash their fingers furiously into group chats and social media thinking they're taking on "the man" often over tiny insignificant details like "Lucy didn't get a go on Charlotte's skipping rope again and when I demanded to see the head about this they didn't drop everything for me" or "There's been a letter about the trip out, and reminders, and the teacher has been harassing me about it... But how was I to know that DC needed to be in non uniform on that day? The school are causing my child anxiety from this traumatic experience"

Look at the ridiculous shcool threads with angry drama llamas going baserk and look at the sensible school threads where reasonable parents need to complain about a school failing or raise concerns. One of those groups will bitch and stir in social media, the other won't.

This is why I refuse to join the whatsapp group for my son's class - there is always someone moaning (they are year 1).

We recently had a welcome evening meeting with the class teacher (who is absolutely lovely!) And a group of about ten parents were absolutely awful - really critical/complaining in a really nasty way. I could see the poor teacher filling up I spoke up in her defence but it wasn't nice to watch.

I actually spoke to the head on the way out to say what had gone on and that I had genuinely felt for the teacher. The complaints were frankly unfounded. The school is really good at both formal and informal communication so there is really no need.

Sometimes, I think people forget that teachers are people too and we feel things just as much as they do!

Totally agree OP

You know, it's only the same bitching that went on face to face in the past.

And believe me that was just as vicious, and just as common.

The difference is now it's written down, there's a chance you might find out what has been said...

Why shouldn't they? People use social media to have a moan about stuff that's going on in their lives. Why should schools be censored?
Maybe it's ineffective to moan on sm, maybe they're seeking redress through the effective chanels as well. Either way, why shouldn't they be allowed to have a moan about whatever they want to their own friends?

They can @ISmellBabies and they do. There's not a lot schools can do about it unless their comments can be classed as defamatory or libel. That's what makes it so frustrating.

Maybe they think it won't get back to the teacher but it inevitably does and can be so hurtful. They teacher has to continue teaching that child, meeting with that parent for the rest of the year, knowing full well what they've said about them. It's shit.

And yes, @StrangersToLove , parents have grumbled about schools for time immemorial but it gains momentum so quickly on sm. Before you know it half the class is jumping on the bandwagon.

strangers
The difference is that with face to face bitching or ranting you'd usually bitch to a couple of people, probably those you get on with. A bit of playground gossip. Etc. Some would be nasty and malicious but it would die down.

With social media the moaning and bitching is the equivalent of standing at the school gates yelling at the top of your voice that Mr Blogs is clearly a paedo because he told the students to stop complaining and take their blazers and jumpers off if they were hot, then inviting others to share so they also yell to the world that once he said the girls looked lovely for their dance performance, then someone else says that he kept their DC in at break (for misbehaving but that's not important), and before you know it there's a whole mob with placards demanding he is sacked for safeguarding.
Or calling everyone to the village hall to coordinate a campaign to ensure that a child with an EHCP doesn't get sat on the same table as any of your naice kids.

I left a year 7 whatsapp group after a couple of months as the things people were complaining about were so silly it was irritating and I thought I'd end up snapping at them and falling out. They were complaining to the school too and I felt sorry for the teachers. These were mothers I'd known for years when our kids were at primary school and rubbed along fine with pre whatsapp group. SM certainly seems to bring out the worst in people.

Admin had to keep shutting posts down on my local FB recently because, despite our school being really open about a massive safeguarding issue and asking parents not to speculate or jeopardise legal investigations, parents kept posting stuff. And some of the stuff they were posting was horrific. It can get very very nasty.

I think it depends on the school. I have a sen chidl in mainstream school where school refuse to discuss properly with me they say when i email when ds tells me something hes struggling i get told i don't trust staff and his current teacher told me that if she has any issues with ds she will be going to his last teacher as she knows him best they have made it perfectly clear to me that they want nothing to do with me. So maybe some people do it as no option. Saying that i haven't actually took to social media over the school issues i can just see why some might do.

Depends what you call ‘bitching’

If it’s genuine concerns which aren’t being addressed or dealt with then, yes, why should parents ‘shut up’ about that?

If it’s genuine concerns which aren’t being addressed or dealt with then, yes, why should parents ‘shut up’ about that?
Nobody is suggesting anyone should 'shut up' about genuine concerns. Seriously, as ever on MN school threads calling out inappropriate or unreasonable behaviour always ends in claims of "so we shouldn't say anything about anything then? Nobody should ever complain?"

If there's genuine concerns then they get reported properly to the relevant people and if that fails there is a formal process.

The problem with 99% of the bitching is that it's things like:
I'm fuming with the teacher because they didn't find me personally this morning to tell me a piece of information that's been on the newsletter and website for weeks

I'm raging because my DC was kept in at break and I don't consent to this. They only asked a question.

I want to kick off because school have lost my child's property (that I didn't out any name tags in conveniently)

I want to whine about the fact my child didn't get on the football team / solo in the show

And so on.

Working in a school which has suffered from this I can honestly tell you how horrific it is.

To have bullies organising groups to stand outside the school gates with posters and shouting at staff is frightening. Having to close windows and have blinds down to protect children from the press is wrong. And being on lockdown alert because of all of this terrifying for staff and children.

All of the above was due to social media gossip - no foundation in truth - and bullies.