Summer holidays and depression.

[absopugginglutely]

Every year I look forward. Every year I feel lonely, structureless, unmotivated, depressed, sad and basically ill.
Does anyone else have this?
I’m also now worrying about the year ahead and even though I work in a pretty low pressure school by comparison, I still feel anxious not about the teaching but about the niggly power struggles and two faced-ness of the staff.
I worry that I’ve played it all wrong and should have friendships in work not just work/professional relationships. When I started teaching, I thought it would be simpler to not add colleagues on FB etc but now I see that they meet up in the holidays and have personal relationships as well I feel like I’ve short myself in the foot/ that no one like me, maybe they think I think I’m better than them which is why I haven’t made friendships.
Should I just leave and start at a new school, a clean slate?
But then I don’t want to make any decisions while I’m feeling this depressed.

Sorry, it’s turned into a ramble.

I wouldn't leave a low pressure school as most aren't like this... Do you have friends outside of school?

I didn't at all at one stage. I set myself a holidays challenge of trying something new every day.
Eg
Cook a new dish
Go to a new cafe and read a book
Walk a different route somewhere
Buy a different scent of soap, new nail varnish
Visit a new place... Etc

It helped me get out of a rut.

I absolutely struggled with holidays to start with, especially before I had children. Now, I make sure I book nights away at the start and end of the holidays and plan something for the middle, too. I’m terms of jobs etc, I would personally stay in a low pressure school. It’s easy enough to start meeting staff etc-just message one or two and ask to meet up. FWIW I don’t have colleagues on fb but I do still meet up with them for a coffee/drink once or twice in holidays.

I look forward to holidays but I have to make sure I’ve planned things otherwise I get very down.
Summer particularly- always have big plans but often my anxiety peaks and I just potter about aimlessly.
Making sure I have some structure is my best defence.

Thank you.
I am going to go into school tomorrow to get a few things ready for the new term.
I have had a day "off" from my toddler today and that has made a huge difference. I still feel sad and heavy but it is space from her that I need I think.

Is there potential for friendship at your school? Could you set yourself a target to foster one? Why not add a few people on facebook if that's the done thing amongst your staff.

If there will be new staff in September you could start afresh with them.

I do find having, not necessarily friends, but close and jovial colleagues helps.

I was going to ask a related question to this. I feel like I work all year with summer hols as the focus.
This summer is v unusual as we have no plans to go away (mainly due to money). I have been absolutely bored! I've done school work, tried to keep DCs entertained but they are now of an age where they can go off with friends so don't need me.
I'm feeling v listless and bored. I don't want to go back in September and feel like I've wasted the holidays.

Not helped obviously by the appalling weather. I planned to do lots in the garden but I'm not enthusiastic enough to get wet!

Yes. I am completely like this. Feel I need the holidays then hate them. Every year.

Really @ValancyRedfern? This is v unusual for me but this is also the first time I've not been away.

If I had money I would love it because I could pay for get aways, family visits and nice days out but because I have very little money I just sit in the house and snack all day getting fatter and listening to podcasts.
I went to school today and got a few bits done for the new term. It was a bit of a better day.

Similar to others, I find I have to plan things to do, otherwise I do get depressed.

This holiday I planned nothing as I was supposed to be moving house, so have had nothing to do except stress out and obsess and it's been awful!

Usually I plan to do some big job, like decorating the house, and do at least a few day trips. Also ban myself from TV before lunch, or that's the whole day!

I really wish they would switich to five terms, as becomes fashionable every now and again. Better for the kids, too.

I know what you mean - I found that it's very easy to just sit in front of the TV and waste hours! Then I get cross with myself for doing nothing and wasting the day.

I’m starting to think it will be better for my general health if I just get an all year round job with normal leave (28 days)

Could you have a clear out and sell stuff at a car boot or on facebay? Then use the funds for a nice day out?

Get a job in the holidays - a teacher friend of mine works in holiday clubs for a few weeks and then uses the money for her annual holiday. Glad you had a better day today.

How do you have so much free time? I have a mountain of work to get done before the new term. With only two weeks left I’m really feeling the rising panic that I’m not going to get it all done.

Like I say, my school is fairly low pressure. The head is very into low work load (3x Outstanding) , I’m very lucky in that respect. @fromwestoeast

@fromwesttoeast even if I did have loads of work, I wouldn’t be able to do it because I am with my toddler 24/7

Yes to everything in your OP.
I'm not sleeping welll and feel, like you say, ill.
Nervous about results, nervous about going back.

I am depressive and I think one of the reasons teaching works for me is that I like the structure of each day. Which disappears in the hols if I don’t give myself one. But a nice one like-walk dogs with lovely neighbour, have relaxed breakfast, put a wash on etc.

@MrsKittyFane1 thinking of you today, hope it’s a good year!
I am going to a music festival this weekend and am starting a new health kick on Monday so I’m feeling more optimistic now.

Abso
Thank you! That's lovely of you!
I was up at 6am (results unlocked online) and spent all morning analysing!

All pupils did as well as expected & their grades in my subject were consistent with their grades in other subjects.

Our school's overinflated targets kindly provide me with a sea of 'red' boxes (Indicates underachievement) on our tracking charts. Conversely, SPI and residual are positive. Go figure...!!!

I tried to open the FFT target tab so that I could check ACTUAL targets and it has been locked by Data managers.

I feel lethargic and tired. How is that possible after 5 weeks off?

mrs I’m glad it went as well as was expected. The target inflation stuff is just pure nonsense not based on the reality that each year you’re teaching DIFFERENT children!!!
I feel tired still too.
I think teaching is a nervous system wrecker. I’m seriously considering trying to jump ship this year. The relief will be immense!

Sorry if I’m getting the wrong end of the stick, but aren’t you just suffering from toddler overload? It’s not like you can charge your battery and refill your cup while you’re running around with a toddler. School holidays aren’t ‘holidays’ if you have very young children. They are periods of time when you do a different job! No wonder you’re tired.

Hi everyone. I hope you've managed ok. I'm in a weird last week state of stressing about work but also knowing I'll be much happier when I'm back. I think I use work stress to distract me from my depression; when work stress lifts a little the depression is revealed. Work stress is awful but at least I can blame someone else for it! I think it's the feeling that I should be happy that kills me the holidays. In term time I don't beat myself up for being miserable!!